Argosy All-Story Weekly, April 14, 1928 — page 148: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

286 “One at a time, boys,” said Beans, “one at a time!” “Avast with that!’ snorts Salty. “T’m going to larn you a new piece to speak. You see, Salty’s in love, and he ain’t got the guts to tell his lady love about it. Now, list your ears to star- board.” I hop out of bed, land on a tack, then cock a ear close to the partition. “Now listen,” goes on Salty, “I want you to say, ‘ Bess, Salty thinks you are a wonderful gal, and he would like to marry you.’ D’yer hear me? Come on, say it, you slab-sided fun- nel!’ Well, he keeps it up for near a hour, and then he heard Bandy strutting down the corridor. He douses the light, and I could hear him hop into bed, and give a good imitation of snor- ing. Bandy must of took a header over a rug or something and banged his nut against the bed, all of which starts him off on a war dance of words, Fora full fifteen minutes, he and Salty pass a few censored remarks, then fin’ly col- lapse into the arms of Morpheus. The next night, Salty puts Beans through his new lesson, and the bird proves to be a apt pupil. Now and then he would bust forth with, “ One at a time, boys; one at a time!”’ but in the end he would wind up with, “ Bess, Salty thinks you are a wonderful gal, and he would like to marry you.” “Good old bird!’ enthuses Salty. * Vouand me are still shipmates, strike me pink, if we ain’t! If you win the hand of Bess for me, I'll buy you all the crackers in the world. Now, say it again, old bird, say it again!” As the hobo remarked about Jack Rockefeller, he was rich! Of course, I kept the secret to myself, not even letting Side-Trap Simpkins in on the farce. If he got wind of it, he would prob’bly spill the beans all over Boston. All the same, even if he had heard of it, the riot couldn’t of been worse than it actually was! Talk about the ARGOSY-ALLSTORY WEEKLY, frame-up of the century—well, you'll find the complete results in the last chapter. IV. THE exhibition platform of Queen Bess was at the left side, rear, right — next to the dressing-room, which same was partitioned with a canvas drop cur- tain. She was usually the first of the attractions to get down to business, if any, all of which Salty Rork seemed to be aware of. Anyway, Salty plants himself be- hind the bally-stand, until he saw Bess enter the show, and a moment after, he follows, with Beans perched on his shoulder. Not wishing to miss the big blow- off, I sneaks in behind the sailor, at a safe distance. Unobserved by Bess, who-has mounted her platform, Salty walks into the dressing tent, and pre- pares to pull off his piece de résistance, whatever that is. Concealing myself behind another platform, I didn’t have long to wait for the odd demonstration of what love can do when it’s working strong in a guy's bosom. Suddenly, I see Beans come fluttering over the partition, tossed by Salty, and land on the plat- form of Bess. Naturally, Bess blinks a couple or three times, wondering what it was all about. “Why, hello, Beans!” exclaims Bess. “ What on earth are you doing here?” And what d’yer suppose that fool parrot replies? Hot coffee, listen to this: “ Bess,” squarks Beans, “ Salty thinks you are noi a beautiful gal, and he wouldn't like to marry you!” Don’t faint—there’s more to come. Whilst Bess let out a whinny of rage, Salty dashes out from the dressing room with blood and assorted thunder dripping from his tongue. His eyes shot fire, his hair stood straight up, while his mouth was all but foaming. “ Strike me pink!” yelps Salty, pick- GOMIE cS .OO (E(9)