Argosy All-Story Weekly, April 14, 1928 — page 145: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

RORK AND BEANS. “For the sweetest gal in the world,” he says. “It’s shore a pleasure to give candy to Bess.” He struts in and, shortly after, comes out. Later the same day, whilst off for his chow, he arrives with a bevy of flowers, and performs the same act. This stuff attracts the attention of M. Rork, don’t think it didn’t! “Wot’s me mate doing with the stink weeds?” inquired Salty. “Presenting them with his compli- ments to his lady love,’ says Side- Trap. “Well, strike me pink!” exploded Salty, and, with Beans on his shoulder, goes to work. Of course, at the time, as the cuckoo remarked to the clock, I had no idea what was on the sea dog’s mind, and his actions was a mystery to me. How the so ever, one thing seemed as plain as a twenty-dollar gold piece at a convention of bums, to wit and i. e., Mr. Rork did not care to have his playmate share affections with any fee-male. After we closed that night I asked Side-Trap’s opinion. That mad mullah had opinions on everything, and [ don’t mean he just thinks so. “That’s as easy to figure as two- times-two on a adding machine,” says he. “The seagoing umpchay thinks Bandy is the berries, and he’s afraid his friendship will be wrecked on the reef of love. Believe me, Doc, Danny Cupid has wrecked more things than flivver drivers!” Our next spot—or, in English, play- stand—was entitled Champ Haven, a flourishing hive of assorted homo- boobiens; and for the first time since Salty and Bandy had been chumming together, Salty arrives on the grounds alone. As he neared the bally-stand, I noted a worried look on his pan. “Ahoy, kid!’ greets Side-Trap. “Why all the crape?”’ “Ts Queen Bess in?” he wants to know. ‘“ By the Pink Toed Prophet, 283 I'm going right in and have a gab with her!” “ Be nice, Salty,’ I cautions, figur- ing the dizzy wave-hopper intended to bawl out Bess for flirting with Bandy. “ Remembah all things come to he who hates.” “Whither away!” he snorts. “I have something to say to her, and you can lay to that!” 2 He rushes in, and, a few moments after, dashes out with his face as red as a three-alarm fire. “Avast, sailor!” kids Side-Trap. “What weather on the sea?” “None o’ your land-lubberin’ busi- ness!’ he snaps, and legs down the lot. Well, good people, figuring there was something in the air besides the radio, I rushed into the tent with the noble objects of interviewing Bess. “What's the little game between you and M. le Rork?” I inquires with the greatest of nonchalance. “ Ask me another,” she says. ‘ He just came in, talked in everything but English, then flushed and rushed out. All I could understand were the words ‘Bandy Baldwin.’ Have you any idea what’s on his mind, if he happens to ~ have one?” “You been flirting with Bandy late- ly?” I demands. This steams up m’lady plenty. “Well, I love that!’ she flares. ‘ Do you happen to be my keeper? The idea !’’ “Not interested,” I says. “I got a bride, philosopher and friend of my own. One’s company, but two is a shroud. How the so ever, if you love Bandy and Bandy loves you—” Not so good. Promptly after I duck a mean coffee cup, scramble away, and tell Side-Trap what has befell me. “You're a very bright boy,” he sniffs. “I have heard of water on the brain, but I guess you must have Lake Erie on yours.” “Be your years,” I says, the bit huffed. “I’m the manager of this show, remembah.” iGomichbook (E@)