Argosy All-Story Weekly, April 4, 1925 — page 156: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

946 keep him shut until we decided what to pay him when he concludes his act. However, nothing stirring! He let forth such a squark that we had to give him twenty-five dollars and promise him another twenty- five at the end of the week. He had us right, and he knew it. Without him, the show would be a terrible bust, and a bloom- er to boot. “Be a good boy, Clem,” pleads foe. ‘and we'll all be rich some day.” “When?” demands Mr. Clinker. “Leave it to me,” replies Joe. “ Just stick around and we'll all wear diamonds.” ‘““Gimme the money and I kin buy me own diamonds,” growls Clem. Joe walks away in disgust. Well, sir—or ma’am—by the time Satur- day night came around the entire town was on edge. The stunt had even attracted the attention of the surrounding hamlets and the homespun folks flivvered in for the grand finale. “Looks like a clean up,” I says to Joe, peeking out of the tent. “I guess we're clever showmen, hey?” “ Doc,” enthuses Joe, rubbing his hands, “we're positively world beaters! C’mon, suppose we start the last show a little ear- lier? Go back to the dressing tent and see about Clem. Tell ’im to get ready to duck into the box.” Me and Joe rush back to the dressing tent and find Clem missing. A cold chill, as they remark in the detective stories, ran up and down my back like a tattoo. Figure it out for yourselves. If Mr. Clem Clinker had made up what passes for his mind to leave us at the last minute, where would we land? Answer: In the local cooler! Either that or we’d have to make a quick get-away. “ Suffering Kansas!’ raves Joe, “ the goop has flooped! Talk about luck, huh? Here we are with a mob outside waiting to get in at fifty cents a smash, and the poor boob beats it away.” “TLet’s beat it, too,” I suggests “ There’s a train passing through this burg in fifteen minutes and—”’ “Beat it—beans!” snorts Joe. I’m no quitter. You stick around here, doc, while I go down the main drag and see if ARGOSY-ALLSTORY WEEKLY. I can dig up that pie-faced chump. If you hear a racket like Gettysburg, you'll know I found Mr. Clem Clinker.” He comes back half an hour later, minus the escapecl subject. Two minutes after he returned, the left side wall flaps up and in walks our life saver. ‘Where in the heck have you been?” flares Joe, glaring at Clem. ‘IT ain’t been no place,” he retorts. ‘I was up that big tree behind the dressing tent, doing a lotta thinking.” Thinking?” parrots Joe. “ Boy, don’t make me laugh. When they knitted your brains, somebody dropped a stitch.” “Yeah?” mumbles Clem. ‘ Well, I may be dumb, but I have just decided that I wasn’t a going down that there hole to- night. I’m getting kinda tired and stiff keeping quiet while the folks stare dowr that shaft at me. I’m through.” Try and get a laugh out of that! ‘“D’ yer mean to stand there and tell me that you ain’t going through with the act?” bellers Joe, getting red, white and pink in the face. ‘Well, maybe I could be bought back,” says Clem. So that was it. And I thought I had Selected a prize boob! Well, there was only one thing to do, and Joe does it. ‘All right, my boy,” says Joe. “ just to show you whot sort of a trouper I am, here’s a extra ten dollars.” ‘*T wanna hundred dollars,” purrs Clem. A pretty live kind of boob, what? ‘*A hundred dollars!’ ejaculates Joe. “You forgot to ask for the Bank of Eng- land. Kid, you’re all wet!’’ Clem steps up a little closer and we notice some more trouble. The big fish has shaved himself as clean as a trout’s back! ““O sole mio!” raves Joe. ‘‘ Now we're ruined! Your whiskers should of stayed on your map. How in the Kentucky is a guy going to shave when he’s fast asleep for six days, hey? Oh, what a break!” “IT forgot about that,’ mumbles Clem. *T felt kinda funny with all that hair grow- ing on my face and neck, so I just naturally shaves it off.” At that moment a black tomcat comes GIOok