Argosy All-Story Weekly — page 166: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

956 Patagonia belongs to the Argentine, or part of it, anyhow, and in jography class at school I learned there was giants there in olden times, and from the way he hits with his right, I reckon he must be one of ’em that was left over.” “Mr. Styles, excuse me. In our modern geographies that my pupils study, I have found no mention of giants existing now in any region of South America, nor Africa. Anthropology and archeology have always been a favorite study with me, and I am afraid you have overstated the case in class- ing this South American pugilist, however large and powerful he may be, as a giant. Scientific research has, as yet, found no ex- isting race of giants on the earth, although fossil remains of a giant race have been dis- covered in some recent excavations in the far west.” This from the schoolmaster who had just dropped in for his daily mail. ‘““T’ll bet when Dempsey picked himself up outside the ropes, he didn’t lay the blame on any fossil,” came a laughing voice from the crowd around the stove. _ “How about that giant that was dug up in ol? York State at Cardiff? I seen him once in Barnum & Bailey’s circus, an’ he sure was some giant,” put in Jeff Fisher. _“ There have been many heated discus- sions, Mr. Fisher, over the authenticity of that famous giant and the question is still undecided among the best informed scien- tists,” replied the schoolmaster. ‘‘ Purfesser,” interrupted Josh Stebbins, whose attention had been about equally di- vided between the conversation and a mug of the justly celebrated de-natured cider for which Pat McGoogle’s grocery was noted, “these ’ere anterpologists an’ archologists half the time don’t know what they’re talk- in’ about, an’ t’other half them that’s listen- in’ to ’em don’t know what they mean, fer they use such big words that a feller needs ter have a dictionary at full cock an’ wide open to ketch on to what they’re tryin’ to tell yer; an’ at that, ye ain’t safe in be- lievin’ it. “ Thar is that feller, Windjammer Stuff- emsome, thet went No’th Pole huntin’ an’ was lost two years in the Arctic; when he come back he wrote a book about some white Eskimos he claimed he’d found up ARGOSY-ALLSTORY WEEKLY, there. Why, me an’ my pardner only took six weeks to go from the head o’ Copper River to the pole with dog teams. We met up with them white Eskimos he wrote about, an’ they wasn’t nothin’ but a lot of deserters from a whaler in Baffins Bay. They’d bought some squaws from the Eskimos fer four plugs o’ navy terbaccer and two forty- four Winchester cartridges a head, an’ hed learned to eat raw seal blubber an’ keep from freezin’ in wickyups thet they built outa snow, so they was livin’ jest like any other savages. One of ’em was a bunky of mine when I worked in Eastport in a sardine cannery, an’ he told me all about ’em. He laughed fit to split, tellin’ about how they put it over on Stuffemsome, workin’ him fer twenty pounds o’ plug terbaccer on the strength of their bein’ a new breed of Eskimos. “ An’ then agen, there was that giant they dug up in York State, that the anterpolo- gists an’ archologists hed sech a pow- wow over. Them wise guys, with horn bowed specs on their noses, backed an’ filled like a fishin’ smack in a gale o’ wind with her steerin’ gear carried away. Some of ’em said he warn’t nothin’ but a stone statcher an’ a fraud on the pub- lic an’ others allowed they didn’t know what he was before he died an’ was buried, but mebbe he hed been a real live giant some time ago, it mighta been ten thousand, or a hunerd thousand years before, they was durned ef they knowed; but, gentlemen, I'm a tellin’ you-all thet that thar Cardiff giant was a real, giniwine putrefied giant; I dunno how long he’s been dead, but there’s live ones o’ the same breed cavortin’ round right to-day! Yeah, that’s what I said, an’ I mean it!” ‘Josh, ain’t you talking through your hat?” suggested Link Brown. “‘ A committee of the wisest bone sharps and antikarians in New York, after giving him the once- over for a month, declared that he had been built to order for Barnum & Bailey’s cir- cus, and said they oughta put the law on ‘em for swindling the public.” ‘“'M-i-s-t-e-r B-r-r-own, I want to tell yer, right now, thet I’m gittin’ mighty tired o’ havin’ you try ter impugn my voracity durned near every time I make a statement cComicbooks ©