The Argosy, March 27, 1920 — page 85: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ss mee te a HE WHO HESITATES IS BOSSED. 235 vice out of a blue serge suit, and so—well, I don’t know. I can’t seem to quite make ‘“ Help!” says Ina, and left the room as if she was out of patience, or something, about something or other. She came back in about ten minutes. “Oh,” says she, “ You still here, Jim? I thought you’d gone.” “Tt looks kind of like rain,” I says. “I ‘was trying to make up my mind whether to take an umbrella or not.” When I got back from the ball game that afternoon, Ina necked me the minute T stuck my head inside the door, and told me to sit down and listen to her—we were going to have a little talk, ‘“‘ What’s the idea?” I asked. “ This,’ says she. “ Listen, Jim. I’ve got it!” “Vou don’t mean the flu?” says L. “The reason why Mr. Brown turned: you down for manager of the Pink Sox,” says she. “You don’t tell me!” I says. ‘“ What was the reason?” “ Yourself,” she says. “Me?” says I. “How do you mean, me?” “JT mean this,” she says. “ Listen, Jim. You take too long about making up your mind about things. You're always too— uncertain. You never can quite make up your mind about anything. Big things or little things, it never makes any difference —you’ve always got to think it over. You'll ‘see.’ You'll have to have time to “ consider it; and you keep right on ‘ con- sidering it’ until, honestly, Jim, sometimes it would drive a person crazy! “And so that’s the reason Mr, Brown turned you down,” says she. ‘‘ He’s known you for a long time, Jim, and what I say is true—and he can’t help knowing it. That’s your trouble, Jim. You can’t make up your mind. And that’s the reason George Simmons is manager of the Pink Sox in- stead of you. You always hesitate, Jim— and he who hesitates is bossed!” I asked her where she got that line about he who hesitates: it didn’t sound quite like Ina. “Read that!” says she. I'd been won- dering if there was something in that mag- azine that she was going to spring on me, because she was holding it in her hand when I came in, and had kept hanging right onto it as if she was waiting for the proper time to pull the sensation—or what- ever it was, It turned out to be a full-page ad about a ‘book. -It was a book written by a fellow by the name of Professor Aloysius X. Bee- croft; and the name of 4t was ‘I Will.” I thought it was a pretty good title; it sound- ed so sort of determined like, and every- thing. The ad started off in big type like this: ‘He Who Hesitates Is Bossed!’’— and so that was where Ina got it from. Then it went on to tell you to “ Increase Your Will-Power! Stop Putting Things Off! Learn How To Do It Now! Stop Hesitating! Learn How To Be Firm, De- cisive, Determined! Stop Arguing With Yourself! Learn The Power Of Quick Decision! Learn How To Decide About Things Instantly!” : And so forth and so on. Ina made me read the advertisement all through, and I seemed to get the idea that if you read the book once you surely couldn’t help turning out to be at least a United States Senator unless you broke a leg or something. If you read it through twice you’d have the President worrying about his job; and if you read it through three times you’d be able to hold down an Information hut in the Grand Central Station and never turn a hair. And it only cost four dollars and fifty-six cents, postpaid. “Well,” asked Ina. think about it, Jim?” “Why,” I says, ‘I don’t know. I can’t seem to quite make up my _ mind whether—”’ “There you go!” says she. “ But it doesn’t make any difference, anyways, You're going to get that book, and_ygft’re going right through it from the first page to the last, and you're going to learn how to do everything it says! Tm going to make you do it!” So you see I never had a chance. The same day we got the book the team started on a Western tour—and Ina tagged along. And nights, when I’d a lot rather been with “What do you comicbooksscom