Adventure Magazine Cover, April 3, 1918 — page 95: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Upside Down or Backwards “Let her go, Ike,” squeaks Scenery. “Tf you draws my number I’ll make you uh present of uh calf.’ “Just uh minute!” yells the judge. ‘That sounds to me like he was trying to bribe or coerce the drawee. Scenery, you keep your mouth shut. I’d be willing to make Mister Harper uh present of uh calf if he drawed my number, but I ain’t proclaiming it.” I reaches up twice and tears up the two numbers that I draws. “This one tells the tale,’ says somebody, excited like, as I pulls it out and hands it to Chuck. He unfolds it and squints hard at the number, turning it around and around. “Number—uh—say, Ike, what number is that?” “Looks like uh sixteen to me,” Scenery ee says I, and I got sixte-e-e- e-e-en! Whooe-e-e-e-e!” “Wait uh minute!” howls Chuck. ‘‘Maybe I was wrong, Ike, but take uh look at it the other way. If that ain’t uh nine——”’ “That’s mine!” whoops Dirty Shirt. ‘“‘Dog-gone, I knowed ‘Looks like ninety-one,”’ says I. “My number! My number,” the judge. ‘‘Ninety-one wins!’ The judge comes clawing his way to the front, and the whole crowd starts milling around me. “Ouch!” yelps Ricky, above the noise. “Let loose! Wow! That danged pelican bit me on the leg!’ “T claims that bird,” yells the judge. “Lead her out to me, Ricky.” “Like he will!’ howls Scenery, climbing up on the bar, and shaking his number under the judge’s nose. “Just be- cause you misrepresents the law, Judge, it don’t give yuh no rights to take property away from honest men.” “Let’s live in peace and harmony,” states Buck Masterson, sliding his double-barreled shotgun across the bar, and covering the crowd. “Everybody shut up and listen to me! Look at the tickets in the hat and maybe yuh can settle this argument.” ‘Your wisdom is to be applauded, Buck,” says Chuck. ‘Sheath that cemetery pro- moter, and we'll rest easier and think clearer. Ricky, give me that hat with the tickets in.” whoops 93 ‘“‘Where’s your danged hat?” asks Ricky, down on his hands and knees under the table. “If it was down here—let loose, you cross between uh Shanghai rooster and uh giraffe! Huh!” Ricky’s hand comes up over the table-top, and produces one square of white paper. “Your hat’s still here, Chuck, but that danged bird has ate up all the tickets except that number thirteen. I took that away from him and—ouch! Yuh will, will yuh!” “Biff! Coo-oo-orlook.”’ Ricky must uh kicked that bird for get- ting familiar; ’cause it comes right up into our midst with dangerous intent written on its countenance. I LOVE birds. Maw used to have uh canary, and I cried when it “—S passed out. I got uh lot uh feath- ered friends, and I never met uh bird be- fore that even attempted to kick me. I don’t think that thing was uh bird in the first place. Id call it uh cross between uh mean disposition and uh _ piledriver, ’cause it kicked Ike Harper, Esq., right where he wears his pancakes. Ike Harper immediate and soon skids across the floor and plays uh billiard off Judge Steele and Buck Masterson, and finishes up by holing out under uh chair. I peeks out from my ambush and observes that alleged bird leave that low grog-shop with Scenery hanging on to its neck and Dirty Shirt hold of its tail. Somebody must uh cut that rope. The rest of the audience, except me and Buck and the judge, follers in the rear. I must uh hit Buck and the judge pretty hard. Buck has got uh cut over his eye where he bumped against the bar on his way down, and the judge fell between the bar and the rail, with his feet under the rail. I hauls the judge around so his back is against the bar, with the rail across his- lap, and folds his hands. Then I helps Buck into uh chair, where he sets and makes funny little noises. ‘“Railami,’ states the judge, opening his eyes. “Z-2-2-.unkuff,” says I. “Uf-uf-uf-fuf,”’ says Buck. It sure was an intelligible conversation. It was just about sensible enough for uh gathering like that and we all enjoyed it. Sudden like the noise starts percolating without CORICLOoO So(CO)