Adventure, August 1917 — page 167: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Bearly Reasonable expression and uh torn shirt. Mrs. Per- fessor is limpin’ around th’ place like uh hound pup cuttin’ circles to find uh place to lay down. Perfessor Phinney is still settin’ there studyin’ th’ badger, which seems con- siderable riled over somethin’. ‘‘What’s th’ trouble?” asks Magpie. “Maternal instinct!” snorts th’ doc. ‘“‘Nothing to get excited about,”’ wheezes th’ lady, tearin’ uh strip uh cloth off her skirt, and cinchin’ up uh cut on her wrist. ‘Perhaps it wasn’t a complete success, Doctor, but we’ll have to do it again sooner or later. It was merely a humane act.” “Then I’m not very strong for humanity. Hereafter I draw the line to playing wet nurse to a grizzly.” ‘‘We overlooked one point,” states Mrs. Perfessor, wise like. ‘““ITo remove an off- spring of that age from its mother is like taking the sunshine from the flowers or the dew from the grass. Know what I mean?” “She means,” states th’ doc, fingerin’ th’ long gash in his pant leg. ‘She means that th’ blasted brute needs milk to prolong its young life, and she induces me to help her let it imbibe condensed milk from a can.”’ “It was interesting to note that con- densed milk did not appeal to its palate,” remarks th’ perfessor, makin’ more notes in his book. “My ——,” sez Magpie. to feed it cold canned milk?”’ “Yes, did it need warming?”’ asks th’ lady. ‘Shore thing. They won’t eat it cold. Next time yuh wants to set th’ can on the stove fer about fifteen minutes.” “Live and learn,” quotes th’ doc. knew something was wrong.” That night Mighty Jones comes over to git somethin’ fer uh tooth ache. “Gol’ A’mighty,” sez he. ‘I got to have somethin’ or lose my mind.” “Tf that’s all, yuh ain’t so danged bad off,” sez Magpie. “But rather than see yuh lose somethin’ yuh never had I'll let yuh take our Jap oil bottle. Rub uh li’l on th’ tooth, and she’ll be better than new.”’ Mighty takes th’ bottle and goes off down th’ trail holdin’ on to his jaw. Did yuh ever hear of Jap oil? It’s th’ concentrated essense uh dynamite, hell’s fire and asphyx1- ation. It cures anything. Never knew anybody to ask fer uh second helpin’, but it shore is uh whole medicine chest fer uh pros- pector. It’s jist as good fer penumonia as it is fer uh busted leg, and I knowed uh fel- Eh “Did yuh try | 165 ler oncet who kept th’ pack-rats out of his cabin by jist pastin’ th’ label off uh bottle on his front door. Achin’ teeth is jist uh vacation chore to that medicine. Ape) TH’ NEXT mornin’ me and Magpie Saeeee oes Over to do-uh li’! work on th’ " crick, and th’ doc goes off across th’ hills with his shotgun. Th’ perfessor and th’ badger gits busy watchin’ each other ag’in. Long about ten o’clock we de- cides to drift back to camp to see how things is progressin’. We’re up on uh point above th’ shack where we can git uh clear view uh th’ coun- try, and about two hundred yards below th’ cabin we sees th’ doc. He’s doin’ uh reg’- lar Injun sneak in some bull-pines. We watches him sorta sad like fer uh while, figgerin’ that he won’t hit what he’s sneakin’ on, when we happens to see what he’s after. Up th’ creek bottom comes Mighty Jones and Abe. Abe is humpin’ along about ten feet ahead uh Mighty. Mighty seems uh heap sore at th’ bear, and anxious to over- » take him. “Blasted ol’ ossified porkypine,” wails Magpie. “Bringin’ that moth-eaten, al- leged grizzly right over where it spoils our whole game. Let’s git down there and stop him in th’ brush.”’ We breaks down past camp. Th’ per- fessor is still studyin’ th’ badger. Mrs. Perfessor sticks her head out of th’ door and yells somethin’ at us as we goes past, but we don’t stop—not a-tall. We’re jist passin’ th’ cabin, when: “Blam! Blam!’ goes doc’s shotgun down in th’ timber. “Come on, Ike!”’ pants Magpie, stretchin’ out his long legs like uh bull elk goin’ to water, and hurdlin’ everythin’ except the lodge-pole. He didn’t need to waste his wind thataway. I’m with him. We busts into uh li’! clearin’, where we first sees th’ doc doin’ his sneak, and we runs into th’ queerest bunch uh misery I ever seen. I’ve seen uh cougar with th’ St. Vitus dance and an ulcerated tooth, and I’ve beheld uh jack-rabbit which was shot in th’ north end with uh load uh rock-salt, but by th’ whisperin’ wolves, this here exhibi- tion makes ’em all look like uh stachoo uh peaceful moments. Right there in. th’ clearin’ is pore ol’ Abe, and he shore is ad- justin’ hisself to suit local conditions. First he puts his head down between his CoOMmiclsoo (© 5}