Adventure, August 1917 — page 162: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

160 Th’ gentle evenin’ is shattered. It’s bad enough to have yore ear-drums shattered, but when each shatter 1s followed by uh handful uh bird-shot, which “skees” and “‘zees’” across yore form and fills yore eyes with lint from yore blanket, it’s time to in- vestigate. Magpie is near th’ crick bank when it happens, and I looks up jist in time to see Magpie disappear over th’ bank, and uh splash informs me that he is in th’ wet. “My !? T hears uh voice opine. “TI believe I hit them. I wish I had some buck- shot, but I haven’t and & “Bung! Zee-e-e-e!’? goes that scatter- gun ag’in, only this time it’s both barrels. I hears Magpie spit out uh personal cuss word and splash back into th’ crick. “Heaven is my home,” states uh voice in th’ gloom, which I recognizes as bein’ that of th’ doctor, and I hears him rastlin’ around in th’ brush. ‘“‘Where’s that blamed gun, anyway?” he whines. “I never shot two loads to once be- fore, and after this——”’ “Cut—cut—cut it out, yuh blamed maverick!’ quavers Magpie, and I sees his arms wavin’ over th’ bank of th’ crick in uh signal uh distress. “Gracious! Did I hit you? Did it go past youe” yells th’ doc. Magpie raises his string-bean carcass on th’ bank, shakes th’ water out of his hair, and whoops: ~ “What went past? Yuh blasted, over- fed, red-faced porkypine. What do yuh reckon yore tryin’ to do?” “Calm yourself,” advises th’ doc. “If it hadn’t been for me you all might be dead. What do you think of that?” “Fine,” sez Magpie. “I’m hke Patrick Henry thataway. IfI can’t have liberty I’ll take uh li’ death. When fellers like you are pesticatin’ around uh feller’s liberty is shore restricted. What was yuh tryin’ to kill, anyway?” ‘“What made that noise?” hedges th’ doc. ‘“‘What made it, eh? I heard it, and comes out to investigate. I saw what I took to be two skulking animals, so I gave each one a load of shot. One of them jumped-into the creek, but I gave it both barrels as it went out the other side. This gun kicked so hard that it was impossible for me to determine what my execution was. I hope it was deadly.” “Tf I ever has uh hand in it, Doc, it shore Adventure will,” sez Magpie. ‘Better go on back to bed.” Th’ doc ambles back to his bed, and we recovers Magpie’s blanket. It jist missed uh watery grave. ~ “Gosh,” sez Magpie. barrels at ninety feet. “Missed with both Let’s go over in th’ brush and sleep. Mebby them jacks will wail ag’in, and yuh can’t expect uh feller to miss every time with uh scatter-gun.” “Was it uh female?” asks uh husky voice behind us, and there stands th’ perfessor in uh white nightie, on one foot, while he in- dustriously picks cactus out of th’ other. He looks like th’ ghost of some hy-iu white crane. ‘“‘What you heard, Perfessor,” sez Mag- pie, ‘‘was uh fool! Better git back to bed before he mistakes yuh ‘fer uh white owl.” “Yeaus. Exactly,” agrees th’ ol’ coot, and he limps back. Magpie is uh bit damp, but th’ night is warm, so he states that he’d rather sleep thataway than to take uh chance on goin’ near th’ cabin. We sleeps some late th’ next mornin’, and th’ first thing we hears is that blamed shot- gun. Somewhere up th’ gulch th’ doc is tearin’ holes in th’ solitude. We ambles up to th’ cabin, and finds Mrs. Perfessor settin’ on th’ steps. Honest to grandma, she’s uh sight. That person wa’n’t no beau- tiful vi’let last night, but this mornin’ she don’t qualify a-tall. ‘““Klahowya,”’ sez Magpie. sleep well, ma’am?” ) “Did yuh “Oh, there you are,” sez she, ignorin’ Magpie’s salutation, and lookin’ at me. “When do I get some hot water?” “Drink or laundry?” I asks. She bristles up as much as uh fat woman like her can bristle after uh night on uh real hard bunk, and snorts— “Do you expect me to wash in cold water?” ‘“Ma’am,” sez I, ‘‘when it comes to ex- pectin’ things I pass up wimmen. Not havin’ known me only uh few hours, and most uh them at night, I don’t see why my expectations should interest yuh so much. In this country uh person don’t git so awful dirty jist sleepin’, so we figger that anybody what is so much of uh dude as to want to wash in th’ mornin’ can do it in cold water.” “TI want some hot water and I want it immediately!’ she howls, and waddles into th’ cabin. “T’d say that th’ perfessor is more to be Pd CoOMmiclooks CO 5}