Adventure, August 1917 — page 158: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

156 wants, Magpie. I hates to deprive yuh of my company, but I’m uh right busy man.”’ “No depravity, Ricky,” sez Magpie. “Run right along home.” And then he turns to th’ outfit. Th’ three of ’em are off their mounts, and busy rubbin’ th’ circulation back into their legs. I feels that th’ perfessor has some chore, ’cause he has quite uh strip uh country to hear from. “‘I—er—shall try and explain in a few words,’’ sez th’ perfessor, peekin’ at us over th’ tops of hisspecs. “Iam up here to settle an argument between myself and Professor Manning. Isn’t it queer what an argument between friends will bring forth?” “Uh-huh,” agrees Magpie. “She shore is. I’ve knowed six good men to git killed on th’ spot, four more in th’ pen, and dozens who have been crippled fer life over friendly arguments.” ““How unique!”’ exclaims th’ perfessor’s heavier half. “How unique.” “Yes’m,” agrees Magpie, “two of ’em was, but th’ rest was jist common ordinary arguments.”’ “As I was—er—saying,” continues th’ perfessor, ‘‘I am up here to settle a friendly argument.”’ Th’ question is?” asks Magpie. “Do rattlesnakes and prairie-dogs live to- gether in harmony, and will a female grizzly recognize its own offspring after it has been away from, it for twenty-four hours.” “That’s uh of uh reason fer comin’ way up here!”’ snorts Magpie. “Why didn’t yuh write to me? I’d’a’ told yuh.” , ‘“‘That’s what I said,” cuts in th’ human carbuncle. ‘‘When you told me about it [ee “Doctor,” pipes th’ perfessor, ‘‘there’s no use arguing with me. This is a serious question. Professor Manning’s theory is wrong, and I am going to prove it.”’ “Yuh can’t prove nothin’ by uh rattler,” objects Magpie. ‘Also, yuh got uh sweet chore on yore hands when yuh tries to git uh female grizzly to let yuh take its cub and e “‘Can’t I believe my own eyes?”’ wails th’ ol’ pelican. ‘“‘Can’t I see these things?”’ ““My husband, being a scientist, is very observing,” states Mrs. Perfessor. ‘“‘Also set in his ways,” states th’ doc, lightin’ one uh them dude cigarets, which smells like th’ place where uh circus has jist doc. Adventure movedaway. ‘All I hope is that I get some good shooting.” “Tf th’ perfessor interviews uh fe-male grizzly and fambly, yuh shore stand uh good chance uh gittin’ yore wish,” sez I. ‘“Un- pack them long-sufferin’ jackasses and make yoreself to home. Th’ hills is yours.” “Unpack?” asks th’ perfessor. ‘Do you mean to remove the impedimenta from the backs of our beasts of burden?” ‘Bein’ funny is a art,” states Magpie, ‘“‘but art ain’t appreciated here in th’ hills. Jist take th’ plunder off them canaries, and settle down.” “But, my man, that’s your duty. That’s part of what I’m paying you for.” Magpie looks foolish like at me and then back at th’ perfessor. Th’ doc lifts his eyebrows to th’ eaves of his face and man- ages to wiggle one eyelid until uh person would almost admit it was uh wink. “Perfessor,”’ sez Magpie, “I ain’t yore man. I never seen yuh before, and I ain’t worryin’ about yuh in th’ future. I never hired out to yuh, and I ain’t acquainted with yore rollin’ stock to th’ extent that I wishes to remove their loads. Who wished yuh on to us anyway and why?” Th’ perfessor removes his hard hat and squints at Magpie. ‘““The—er—person who brought us up here informed me that you were perfectly competent. Was we misinformed?” ““Misinformed? No, ol’-timer, you was lied to. Saber?” ‘Th’ fact of th’ matter is this,” states th’ “Professor Phinney wants to engage the services of you and Mister Harper. He is willing to pay you a reasonable amount for your services, and is also able to offer a substantial bonus in case you can help him prove or disprove his contention. Am I right, Professor?” - ‘“Veaus,”’ drawls th’ ol’ coot. He’s uh funny ol’ rooster. He allus sez “Yeaus” instead uh “Uh-huh.” I don’t reckon he ever figgered that th’ Lord only give him one set uh vocal cords, or else he didn’t care if he did wear ’em out early in life. Every danged word he orates sounds like th’ letters had been carved out uh granite, and he was afraid to let ’em all fall to oncet fer fear some of ’em might git scratched or busted. “Yuh might explain th’ bonus part,” sez Magpie. “You see,” sez th’ perfessor, “for my own cComiclaook © 5}