Adventure Magazine Cover — page 113: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Tippecanoe and Cougars Two require unprecedented good fortune to re- pay us for the discomforts of the environ- ment in which we are placed.” “My gosh!” snorts Tip. ‘You don’t need a guide—you need a e-metic. I wish I had a almanac so I could see if he was chidin’ us, or just runnin’ over with wis- dom.”’ SOME folks will naturally say that we're ali wrong in talking and acting ~ like we’ve been doing. They’ll orate that Western chivalry is extinct like the dodo or Free Silver, but such is not a fact. Western chivalry is all there like it is in the East. This bunch of misfits comes on a forlorn mission. They picks us out to be servants unto their wishes, whangs us with pot- covers et cettery, and nobody, unless they’re of the same kind, color, and complexion, can expect us to kiss, humor, and coddle said conglomeration of misguided hu- manity. Magpie is just through being sheriff of Yaller Rock County, and I’m willing to help Aloysius all I can, being as he’s a cripple—mentally; but the rest of the scientific herd—nothin’ doing in sympathy or helpfulness. I’m plumb neutral and non- committal. The old lady gets to fussing around and pretty soon she says: ‘Aloysius, I really must have food. It will soon be dinner-time and no preparations are under way. Attend to this please.”’ “Yes’m,” says Aloysius, foolish-like. ‘“Yes’m. Where do we dine?” “‘Where?” asks mum-maw, looking down at poor little Aloysius. “Where?” “Oh,”’ savs Aloysius, and then goes to writing in his little book. Mum-maw gets sore as a boil and sort ‘of appeals to Lord Washburn. He shakes his head and says: “My dear Mrs. Van Fleet, I know noth- ing whatever of the culinary art. I was under the impression that Mr. Van Fleet had engaged a chef.” 7 . “He did,” says Tip, ‘‘and the old lady had him throwed out of the kitchen. Wo- men raiseth with everything—seems to me. I comes danged near getting married oncet, I “Forgot to go to the church,” says I. Tip nods and grins. “Did I? Maybe I did—I forget. Any- 103 way, I ain’t got no wife, for which I raises my voice in a prayer each day.” ‘Your domestic difficulties have no bear- ing on my dinner,” says mum-maw, mean- like. ‘I want to eat!” “Shucks, if that’s all you want, I can cook,” says Tip. ‘“There’s two things I sure can do, and one of them is cook.” ‘“‘What’s the other?” asks Magpie. Tip scratches his head and thinks hard. “Danged if I know right now, Magpie, but she’s a accomplishment, as I remem- ber it.”’ Let me pass over that meal. and found it guilty of everything. I ain’t no hand to fuss over the way my stuff is cooked; but I’ll be danged if my stummick can stand for parboiled tea and a mulligan thickened with baking-powder. I reckon everybody except Aloysius and Tip felt the same about it. Aloysius puffed up a little, but I can’t see much change in Tip. “Mighty” Jones rides in and looks over the aggregation. He asks me and Magpie about them, and we tells him all we know. “Goin’ to photygraft animiles?”’ he asks. “On the run? Geemighty!” “Oh, absolutely,” says Aloysius. ‘“In- terests of science. I want pictures of wild animals in their native haunts. be possible for—er—us to get pictures of panthers, grizzly bear and—er—wildcats— uh—er—going about their daily—er—pas- tumes, as it were?” ‘‘As it were,” nods Mighty. 9) “Not as it Is. “Tt can be done,” says Tip. ‘‘There ain't nothin’ impossible, is there? Just because a grizzly never did let anybody photygraft it as it is ee ” says Aloysius. Exactly, “T am glad to find a man who does not insist on prec- edent. We will secure the pictures we desire without any effort, I assure you all.” ‘Why does the grizzly object to being photographed?” asks Bettina. “Superstition,” says Magpie. “A grizzly is superstitious about photography. They figure that it’s unlucky to let a paotograpaer cross their trail.” “We will—er—commence on the—er— inoffensive—er— What is it, Mr. Seeley?” asks Aloysius. “Tnoffensive?”’ asks Tip. talkin’ about, senator?” ‘“The—er— Now, I adjure you, I am “What you cCOmiclbooks I tried it - Would it- C©