Adventure Magazine Cover, December 18, 1919 — page 137: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Playing Safe in Piperock time comes but I ain’t rushing the e-vent. Piperock is always starting something that they can’t finish without bloodshed and horror.” “We're progressive,” explains judge. ‘We sure are—to a startling degree, and the eyes of the world will e-ventually turn to Piperock. ss “They will,” says I, “and this is what they'll be saying: “The words on that tombstone are appropriate: They Couldn’t Let Well Enough Alone.’ ” “This here celebration amounts to what ?” asks Magpie. | “Mostly everything, Magpie. On Tuesday we has the celebration proper. There will be feet races, tugs-of-war, shooting matches, et cettery. Lot of the fellers are practising for the events and she bids fair to be a humdinger. “We aims to put Piperock on the map, Magpie. Always our inhabitants has to go to Silver Bend to see the sights, such - as a circus or a opery. If we can adver- tise Piperock sufficient-like we can get said attractions and keep our money and young men to home. You was pretty good as a ordinary sheriff, Magpie, but you ain’t got the get-up that our new sheriff has. Me and him got together on this and we deserves a lot of credit.” “You're welcome, judge,” says I, “and all that goes with it.” UST then here comes old “Jay-Bird” Whittaker, who owns the Cross J cow outfit and two-thirds of the banks in Yaller Rock county. The judge ain’t partial to Jay-Bird, so he lopes off down-town. Jay-Bird gets off his bronc and sets down with us. “Look upon me,” says he sad-like. “Take a good look. Gea Do I look changed? Do I look haggard around - the gills? Yeah? I deserve to—gol dingle danged if I don’t! Me and ‘Chuck’ Warner went to Silver Bend to see the sights. Sabe? We seen ’em. That gol-danged, horse-faced, prevari- cating son-of-a-sea-cook and me got stewed! I don’t remember all of what passed but I seem to hear talk about Buffalo Bill, Antelope Doc, P. T. Bar- num and Frontpaws. “Well, I woke up with my feet stick- ing out over the top of a manger, and the. 123 in my checkbook is a stub which shows that I, J. B. Whittaker, who ought to have at least enough sense to make me half-witted, had paid five hundred dol- lars for the sole ownership of Oswald’s Dog and Pony Show!” “Bought it?’ asks Magpie foolish- like. “You hard of hearing, Magpie?” asks Jay-Bird. “Is she a good, show ?” “IT never looked—gol dang it! Chuck said I ought to be thankful that I didn’t buy the Mastadon Carnival Company too, which has been showing there: a couple of days. Maybe I’d a bought it if I’d a been seen by the owners. Dog and pony show! ’s bells!” We all rolls smokes and just about that time here comes Hassayampa Har- ris of Curlew, who owns the banks that Jay-Bird don’t. Him and Jay-Bird_ is what you'd call business rivals. Has- sayampa squints down at Jay-Bird and shoves his hat off a heated forehead. “Think you’re smart, eh?” he grunts sarcastic-like. “Buying things, eh? Going to put yourself up as another Buf- faler Bill, eh? Going to start a Wild West Show, eh? Well, I spiked one of your wheels, old-timer.” “Yeah?” says Jay-Bird. ‘Who told you ?” “Chuck.” Hassayampa grinned from ear to ear. “I got him loaded and he spilled it all to me. Don’t blame Chuck, Jay-Bird, ’cause he was too full to think what he was doing. Sabe? He told me all about what you bought and why you came home after more money.” “Oh!” grunts Jay-Bird. “He told you, did he? What did he say I came here after more money for, Hassayampa Harris?” “Haw! Haw! Haw! For why, eh? Haw! Haw! Haw! I beat you to it, J. B. I bought the Mastadon Carnival outfit myself.” Jay-Bird looks at Hassayampa for a moment, and then falls right off the steps. “Some shock, eh?” grins Hassayampa. “Maybe I should have told him more easy-like.” We turned Jay-Bird over on his back and he’s laughing so danged hard that his jaws are almost locked. He ain't (E00) 0)(0)(0) MIG <S St ll 269 eee | i. a a (EO)