The Mysteries of the Court of London — page 36: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE LEGEND 17 « Some women, too, might have given way to upbraidings and reproaches, but I was incapable of such foul injustice. I knew it was not Octavian’s fault that he had learned to love Christina. As well might it have been made a reproach to me that I had loved Octavian! No, none of those resources would I bend to. It was my continuous study to avoid enhancing the painfulness of my husband’s feelings, or to suffer him to perceive that I fathomed and comprehended them all. But what was Itodo? To lead such an existence was impossible; it was killing myself by inches, it was suffering Octavian to perish also by slow, suicidal degrees. We were converting our own ‘hearts into instruments of self-destruction; our feelings were becoming a slow poison foreach. And then, too, I was continuously haunted by the conviction that Octavian was straining every nerve to keep the veil drawn down darkly over his own thoughts, and to lull me into the belief that he loved me. On the other hand, I dared not reject his caresses, nor look cold upon his assiduities, for fear lest he should perceive that I knew how forced, how unnatural, and how strained they all were.”’ ‘“‘It was indeed,” said Clarine, in a soft, sympathizing voice, ‘‘ a fearful existence to lead.”’ ‘You cannot wonder therefore, my dear friend,’’ resumed Zoe, “‘ that I at length made up my mind to leave England. The state of my health did, alas! afford too ready a pretext, and the physicians agreed that my only chance of eventual recovery was by removal to a southern clime. On the eve of my intended departure I sent for Christina, that I might bid her farewell. She came, and unmistakable were the proofs of friendship, nay, more, of sisterly love, which the amiable girl gave me. We were alone together in the drawing- rooms, and on this occasion I apprehended not the speedy return of Lord Octavian. I had some little gift to present to Christina, a testimonial of my affectionate regard, and leaving the room, I ascended to my own chamber to procure it. On returning I heard voices in the drawing-room; they were those of my husband and Christina. I was riveted to the spot, I became a listener. It was a wild, impassioned scene that was taking place. Octavian was half-mad. He had seen that I had penetrated his secret, he comprehended the reasons which were urging my departure from England; COnniclooolks (GO) im