The Works of George W. M. Reynolds — page 225: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

208 THE COURT OF LONDON sudden paroxysm of despair that I sought death in the deep waters of Lake Leman. I had rambled forth to escape from the fearful dulness and awful monotony of this house, and while roving on the shores of Geneva’s inland sea, I fell into a train of meditation more harrowing, more goading, more poignant than any to which I had lately yielded. I thought of what I once was and what I now am, how but a few months back I occupied an honourable, almost a brilliant position, and how I am now a lonely, friendless sojourner in a foreign clime. I thought of my wrongs, how much I had loved that man, how cruelly I had been deceived. But, worst of all, I reflected that in a few months more I should give birth to a child on whom I could bestow no mother’s fostering care, but whom, if it lived, I should have to aban- don to the care of strangers, and that amongst those strangers must it be reared, never to know a parent’s fondness nor endearing love. Oh, Mr. Loftus, naturally do I possess a gvood heart, a kind, loving, and affectionate disposition, and it was not, therefore, without emotion that I could con- template the necessity of tearing myself away from the child who in a short time will see the light. It was this reflection that drove me to despair. Madness was in my brain, I felt as if I myself were an outcast, and that a curse would be entailed upon the head of my child uf I suffered it to come into the world. Frantic, frenzied, banished, as it were, by the horror of my thoughts from the realms of hope, I resolved to put an end to my own wretched existence and terminate that of my yet unborn babe at the same time. But mine hour was not yet come. Providence interposed to save me, and you, my generous deliverer, were made the instrument of Heaven’s merciful and inscrutable purpose.’ The lady ceased, and, covering her face with her hands, again she wept, and again was there a long interval of silence. “ You are now acquainted with as much as it is needful for you to know of my sad history,” she said, at length breaking silence after a much longer pause than any previous one. ‘ I would offer to assist you in the generous enterprise which you have in view, but I know not whether there be any way in which I can forward your aims.”’ Jocelyn, after thanking Mrs. Roberts for the proffer of assistance which she had just given, proceeded to describe in a brief manner the circumstances of his late imprison- nm COMME ICOLKS (E(0)