The Steam-Packet: A Tale of the River and the Ocean — page 27: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

10 THE STEAM PACKET. 3 took his departure when he chose, and the chairman was invariably left in solitary glory in the end. It is evident that the real intention of the modern Lycurgus, or Draco, who drew up the laws of the club, were defeated in the result; but this is only another instance of the fallibility of human law-givers, and may be classed with such legislative failures as the Tariff, the Corn-law Bill, and other measures which have lately emanated from the immaculate Tories. Well—the club has met; Mr. Pifpaf has taken the chair; Mr. Rum- tutch sits at his right hand; Mr. Tiptile on his left. The reader may here exclaim, “ But of what nature was this club—literary, scientific, or what?” In faith, this is a question somewhat difficult to answer. That the club was philosophic, is certain from divers entries found in the secretary’s ‘“‘ minutes;’’ but whether it ever arrived at the bottom of anything, save the punch-bowl, we cannot aver. That the club imitated other clubs in certain respects, is proved by the fact that the word ‘‘ discussed”’ is repeatedly found in the book just alluded to; and a little farther research shows us that amongst the various things so discussed, were beef-steaks, chops, kidneys, broiled bones, devilled turkeys’ legs, welsh-rabbits,* &c. The club was most respectable, because the members always settled their score before they left the house ;—the club was most erudite, because its members said so;— and, lastly, the club was most enterprising, because no matter what amount of liquor was supplied by the fines, perseverance invariably enabled the members to get through it. This is all we at present know concerning the attributes of the club: farther particulars will doubtless develop themselves as we proceed with our most veracious and faithful narrative. Mr. Pifpaf took his seat, and glanced benignantly round the table at which he presided ; and his eyes then wandered to the other tables in the room, round which the members had placed themselves. There was a strong muster of the Luminaries; and Mr. Pifpaf was highly pleased. Indeed it was with even an extra urbanity of manner that he said to the waiter, ‘‘ William, bring me a glass of hot brandy-and-water and a screw.’ The reader need not imagine that Mr. Pifpaf was anxious, upon this occasion, to make a vain display of any acquire- ments which he might possess as a carpenter ;—neither did he intend any allusion to a screw in mechanics, nor to a screw in the monetary acceptation of the word ;—all he intended to express, was his want of a screw of tobacco. * We are perfectly aware that the proper mode of spelling this compound, is rare- bit; but we prefer following the plan adopted by Mr. Rumtutch, the Secretary of the Luminaries, in this as in divers other important or disputed matters. Gomicbooks: co