Pickwick Abroad: A Companion to the Pickwick Papers — page 267: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

” Was not a bowl of wine the cause of the de- mise of Alexander the Great, or at least, does not Dr. Lempriere say so ?—so did this bowl of rack punch influence the fates of all the principal characters in this ‘¢ Novel with- out a Hero,’ which we are now relating. It influenced their life, although most of them did not taste a drop of it. The young ladies did not drink it; Os- borne did not like it; and the consequence was that Jos, that fat gourmand drank up the whole contents of the bowl; and the consequence of his drinking up the whole contents of the bowl was, a liveliness which was at first astonishing, and then became almost painful; for he talked and laughed so loud as to bring scores of listeners round the box, much to the confusion of the innocent party within it; and, volunteering to sing a song (which he did in that maudlin high-key peculiar to gentlemen in an inebriated state), he almost drew away the audience who were gathered round the musicians in the gilt scollop-shell, and received from his hear- ers a great deal of applause. ‘‘ Brayvo, fat ’un!” said one; ‘* Angcore, Daniel Lambert!” said another; ‘*‘ What a figure for the tight-rope !”’ exclaimed another wag, to the inexpressible alarm of the ladies, and the great anger of Mr. Osborne. For Heaven’s sake, Jos, let us get up and go,” cried that gentleman, and the young women rose. | ‘+¢ Stop, my dearest diddle-diddle-darling,”’ shouted Jos, now as bold as a lion, and clasp- ing Miss Rebecca round the wast. . Rebecca started, but she could not get away her hand. The laughter outside redoubled. Jos con- tinued to drink, to make love, and to sing; and winking and waving his glass gracefully to his audience, challenged all or any to come in and take a:share of bis punch. Mr. Osborne was just on the point of knocking down a gentleman in top-boots, who proposed to take advantage of this in- vitation, anda commotion seemed to be inev- itable, when, by the greatest good luck, a gentleman by the name of Dobbin, who had been walking about the gardens, stepped up to the box. ‘ Be off, you foolth!” said this sentleman—shouldering off a great number of the crowd, who vanished presently before his cocked hat and fierce appearance—and he entered the box in a most agitated state. ‘¢Good Heavens! Dobbin, where have you been?’ Osborne said, seizing the white cash- mere shaw! from his friend’s arm, and hud- dling up Amelia in it. ** Make yourself use- ful and take charge of Jos here, while | take the ladies to the carriage.” Jos was for rising to interfere—but a single push from Osborne’s finger sent him puffing back into his seat again, and the lieutenant was enabled to remove the ladies in safety. Jos kissed his hand to them as they retreated, and hiccupped out, Bless you! Bless you! C - @« A NOVEL WITHOUT A HERO. 33 Then, seizing Captain Dobbin’s hand, aiid weeping in the most pitiful way, he confided to that gentleman the secret of his loves. He adored that gir] who had just gone out; he had broken her heart, he knew he had, by his conduct; he would marry her next morn- ing, at St. George’s, Hanover-square ; he’d knock up the Archbishop of Canterbury, at Lambeth: he would, by Jove! and have him in readiness; and, acting on this hint, Captain Dobbin shrewdly induced him to leave the gardens and hasten to Lambeth palace, and, when once out of the gates, easily conveyed this fat bacchanalian into a hackney-coach, which deposited him safely at his lodgings. George Osborne conducted the girls home in safety: and when the door was closed upon them, and as he walked across Russell- square, laughed so as to astonish the watch- man. Amelia looked very ruefully at her friend, as they went up-stairs, and kissed her, and went to bed without any more talking. ‘‘Hfe must propose to-morrow,” thought Rebecca. ‘ He called me his soul’s darling, four times; he squeezed my hand in Amelia’s presence. He must propose, to-morrow.” And so thought Amelia, too. And I dare say she thought of the dress she was to wear as bride’s-maid, and of the presents which she should make to her nice little sister-in-law, and of a subsequent ceremony in which she herself might play a principal part. &c., and &c., and Xc., and &e. Oh, ignorant young creatures! How little do you know of the effect of rack-punch! What is the rack in the punch, at night, to the rack in the head of a morning? 'T’o this truth I can vouch.as a man: there is no headache in the world like that caused by Vauxhallpunch. Through the lapse of twen- ty years, | can remember the consequence of two glasses!—two wine-glasses!—but two, upon the honor of a gentleman; and Joseph Sedley, who had a liver complaint, had swallowed at least a quart of the abomi nable mixture. ‘That next morning, which Rebecca thought was to dawn upon her fortune, found Sedley groaning in agonies which the pen refuses to describe. Soda-water was not invented yet. Small beer—will it be believed ?—was the only drink with which unhappy gentlemen soothed the fever of their previous night’s potation. With this mild beverage before him, George Osborne found the ex-collector of Boggley Wollah groaning on the sofa at his lodgings. Dobbin was already in the room, good-naturedly tending his patient of the night before. ‘The two officers looking at the prostrate bacchanalian, and askance at each other, exchanged the most frightful sympathetic grins. Even Sedley’s valet, GO NOOKS (CO)