Pickwick Abroad: A Companion to the Pickwick Papers — page 159: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

. PICKWICK ABROAD. | good thing’ by that there excellent custo- mer o’ your’n 2” interrupted Sam. “No, I didn’t, though,” returned his fa- ther, dvgmatically. | “Vy not, old un?” demanded Sam. “Qos that same good customer as I wos a sjieakin’ about, was the wery worst as ever come into my house,” said Mr. Weller, senior, striking the table very forcibly with his fist, and thereby raising a cloud of dust, which he instantly washed from his throat with ‘the remnant of the third bottle of stout. On “That there’s a paradox,” observed Mr. Knackers. “Tt may be a pair o’ ducks, or i pair 0’ fowls, sir,” said Mr. Tony Weller, looking sternly upon the prize-fighter ; “ but it’s as true as you're a standin’ there a starin’ at me, as if I was a learned pig, or a intelli- gent monkey, or some sich consarn.” “ How ?” cried Sam. r “Cos that there customer wos a wery good feller to patronize the liquors, Sam- my ; but a deuced bad von to pay.” “ Vhy did you trust him, then ?” “He took it all on credit, Sam,” was the reply ; “and I couldn’t find it in my heart to per-went him. In fact, this wery rum customer wos my own wery blessed an’ interestin’ self” ~ “ Brayvo, old dot-an’-go-von,” cried Sam : “an’ so [ s’pose that wot vith drinkin’ and smokin’ all day long, there wosn’t much ever to inwest in the three per cent. coun- sels.” “More shame for me, Samivel—more shame for me!” said the old gentleman, shaking his head solemnly. “Instead o’ leavin’ you at my death, a couple or three thousand pound, you von’t inherit from me, if I goes on in the same vay, nothin’ else than a wery bad example.” “Vich I ain't obleeged to foller,” added Sam, very coolly. “ Howsomever,” éontinua Mr. Weller, senior, “I made a resylootion to give up drinkin’ in futur. Here, Villam—you may jist give me a little drop o’ your o-de-we to sink all this stout, or else I shall bust my yeskitt afore long, an’ it vould be a wery sad thing, Sammy, to see your old father drop down a inanimate corpse on the floor.” “So that’s the vay you keeps viSe resy- lootiOns, is it ?” said Mr, Weller, junjor ; “three bottles o’ stout, an’ a go o’ brandy neat, ain’ta bad commencement. If you're in the habits o’ takin’ that ere afore dinner, 146 I should like to kriow wot you’ takes arter- vards.’ 5 | “Vy, Sammy,” said Mr. Weller) senior, “T used to take a glass o’ hot an’ strong grog arter dinner, cos the medikle men says that cold drinks is wery unwholesome ‘ven poured on hot food: then that made me wery dry, and so I took a glass o’ cold vithout, vich inwariably give me; stomach- ache, an’ obleeged me to drinlgd trop neat, vich made me wery dry again ; so that wot vith the cold vithout, the neat,an’ the hot strong, I generally manayed to take ina tol- erable quantity o’ liqvid afore I vent to bed.” “TI only vonder you didn’t ewaporate vith woluntary combustion,” said Sam, survey- ing his father with a look of mingled good- humor and pity. “Woluntary wot?” said Mr. Weller, se- nior, disdainfully. “ Woluntary combustion.” “ Wot’s that ?” demanded the old gentle- man, dealing a glance of indignation upon his son. “ Blowin’ up like gun-powder ven you goes for to snuff the candle out vith your fogers,” explained Sam. | “Oh! that’s woluvtary ’bustion, is it ?” said Mr. Weller, the elder. ivel; I wos too much-accustomed to blow- in’ up in your mother-in-law’s time to fear it now, Gun-powder isn’t more formida- bler than a ’ooman’s tongue. But as I wos a-sayin’ jist now, ven you, Sammy, wery imperlitely interrupted my dis-course, I thought I’d take a run overand buy my own o-de-we in the reg’lar markitt. By doin’ that I killed’ two bit@s vith von. stone a “ Vhere’s tother bird ?” said Sam. a You,” returned Mr. Weller, senior, “Don’t you think I wos wery anxious to see my Own flesh and blood, Samivel, arter a long seppiration? How’s the guvner ?” _ Conwalescent,” said Sam. “But vy didn’t you write a line to say you wos a- comin?” “So I did, Sammy.” “T never got it, then.” “I knows you didn’t, Sammy,” said the elder Mr. Weller, “cos I kept the he- pistle in my veskitt-pocket.” ‘Men did you cut your visdom-teeth, crikey ?” exclaimed Sam, in a contemptuous tone. “ Vy, I’m blowed if you.ain’t vorse than the American doctor as give his pa- tient the fee and swallowed the medicine his-self.” “ No—no, Sam- SS (CO) Gonniledoo