The Mysteries of London; or, Lights and Shadows of London Life — page 78: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

eee SS 70 The shrill squeak of a Panchinello, who, with the characteristic step and play of the hands, came sud- denly up to the alcove where they were seated, startled Chuckers so much, that he had nearly swal- lowed the straw itself; and turning round, he was saluted by a smart slap on the back, and an inquiry as to what he would take for his whiskers. “And may I ask you, air,” replied Chuckers, con- fronting his assailant with an angry look, “ what in- duced you to apply that observation to me?” Here the Punchinello gave another turbitlent squeak, and playfully tapped the partner of Mr. Chuckers under the chin with a familiarity that she seemed rather to relish than otherwise. “ What do you mean by such impertinence?”’ de- manded the brigand, reddening with rage at this en- croachment, and standing upon his dignity. * Root-te-too-tooey,” the well-known proclamation of Punch’s presence, and delivered in the original key, was the only reply of the exasperating mimic, and this unintelligible exclamation being accompanied by & repetition of the previous offence, it seemed to Mr, Chuckers that there was sufficient provocation for a downright quarrel. Accordingly rising from his seat, and throwing himself to the best of his ability into one of those pugilistic attitudes that are to be seen in the pictures of the great geniuses of the ring, Bob would have taken summary revenge for this intru- sion, had not an unlucky incident, that completely de- stroyed the fine effect of his melodramatic position, put a stop to the encounter. We have already said that, on attiring himself for the evening, Mr. Chuckers had found the brigand’s jacket considerably too large for his figure, and that to supply this corporeal deficiency he had been com- pelled to have recourse to the expedient of introduc- ing various artificial aids beneath, until the required obesity was obtained. Among these he had taken up at random one of the placards manufactured by Mr. Grigg, and the violent exercise of the dance having shifted it from its place, it was now gradually escap- ing from its place of concealment, until it revealed, in three lines of prominent black letters, the as- tounding announcement of “ Must be cleared out to-night.” “Why don’t you leave the shop at home?” said one; “Twig the counter-jumper,” cried another; “Have you got such a thing as half a yard of calico about you?” asked a third; until, completely bewildered by the buzz of voices and the laughter that spread with contagious rapidity from one group to another, Mr. Chuckers danced about with furious energy, and offered to engage with the whole of his aggravating enemies at once, A quiet remonstrance from Thornton made him aware of the disastrous story conveyed in the tinwel- come appendage to his dress, and, yielding to the arguments of his companion and the persuasive elo« quence of his fair partner, he detached the unlucky placard from his person, crumpled it into his pocket, and, with a stern look of defiance at the throng collectively—for the original object of his anger was nowhere to be seen—he resumed his seat and concluded his cobbler. : . “Quite a low, vulgar set here to-night,” said - if Chuckers, smoothing his ruffled habiliments and sur- veying the masquers with contempt as they gradually dispersed, finding the fun was all over in that quarter ; “we would never have come, had we known the kind of company we should have met.” “ The present company, of course, excepted,” said ee —_ - — —— -—— - —<_— - —_ THE MYSTERIES OF LONDON. his partner, in a winning voice, and who, with her friend, a tall, dark girl, with long black ringlets falling down the side of her mask, now grew more talkative and familiar. “Ain’t you going to treat us to supper?” “Well, so far as sandwiches go,” hesitated the brigand, with acalculating glance at the list of prices, “TI don’t 80 much mind,” “Oh, sandwiches be ——!” interrupted the first | speaker, accompanying her disdainful opinion of those refreshments with a word that was certainly not Greek; “I should like something better than that. Let’s have some lobster-salad.” yo “ Ah! lobster-salad, by all means,” assented the young lady with the ringlets; “that’s the sort of thing for me.” Chuckers calculated the cost, and thought, if it was the sort of thing, the placard he had just extricated himself from had only recorded a probable event of personal application. But, however, finding that there was no help for it, and that on such a repast the two damsels in Greek costume were irrevocably bent, he ordered the lobster and its concomitants with a resigned air, and betook himself with renewed energy to the task of making himself agreeable. The supper thus provided was pronounced unex- ceptionable, and with an appetite that seemed to be measured by no fastidious limits, the ladies did ample justice to the delicacies placed before them. The lobster, of epicurean excellence—the lettuce, cool and i the relishing flavour of the viands alto- gether, gave rise to a general chorus of commenda- tion; and the stout came and vanished with such magical celerity, that it seemed quite a problem to find out its destination. After supper, there was brandy--and-water to make the lobster agree; and then glasses of negus round, 80 as not to disagree with the brandy-and-water; and then came a bowl of punch to keep down the negus; so that, with the varied succession of potations, the little party became less particular and more hilarious, A slight damper upon their festivities was now cast by the appearance of the waiter, who signified his readiness to receive the amount of the damage incurred. “Now, then, John,” boldly responded Chuckers, who, in common with many other individuals, firmly believed that, by a peculiar dispensation of baptism, waiters never came fairly possessed of any other name, “reckon it all up, and let us know the total.” — “ Let me see, sir, what have you had, sir? Supper for four—ten shillings; four brandies—four shillings ; four stouts—two shillings. That’s ten and four are fourteen, and two are sixteen, and four neguszes are one pound four, and two crown bowls of punch are ten—that’s one pound fourteen exactly, sir.” During this elaborate process of mental arithmetic the face of Chuckers underwent a gradual elongation, until, on the sum being named in the aggregate, it was palpable that no further extension was possible. The difficulty of following the mode of reckoning s0 much in vogue among Waiters generally had prevented him from distinguishing the prices of the several items, but it was clear enough that the mention of the entire amount had given rise to very serious reflections. Conscious that he was thus about to sacrifice in one night a sum equivalent to his eatnings in a week, Chuckers reluctantly drew forth his purse, and with all the solemnity that the oceasion demanded, he pu down the money coin by coin, with a view of making some permanent impression on the waiter who hac —_ CS Ghoo Neo m