The Mysteries of the Court of London — page 268: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THS MYSTERIES OF THE COURT. IE shouldn't mind letting you have my room for about a couple of guineas a week.” But before the Colonel had leisure to answer a single one of the above questions, or give any reply to the proposal ooncerning the room, the waiter made his appearance with the negus; and the conversation seemed to take a new impuise and flow into a variety of other channels, “Now, my good-fellow,” said the foremost of the party, addressing himself to the Colonel in terms as familiar as if he had known him from childhood, —“while drinking your health I must beg of you not to take on too much on account of this im- prisonment. Lord bless you! it’s nothing when you are accustomed to it! Look at me now.” Colonel Malpas did as he was desired, but could not help thinking that there was nothing very agreeable or pleasant to contemplate in the appear- ance of a bloated, dissipated, rakish-looking fellow, with long dry dirty hair, and linen that seemed to imply that he had forfeited the confidence of his washerwoman. “Well, you see me” continued this individual : “and such as you see me, so I am,” he added, thus enunciating a self-evident proposition. “I am just twenty-seven years old, and I’ve been six years in this place. When I came of age I had twenty thousand pounds, all of which I spent in nine months. For three months I played at hide and seek—then I got taken and locked up here— and here I've been ever since, and am likely to remain God knows how much longer. That’s what I call life:"—and he burst out into a fit of up- roarious laughter, in which his five companions as boisterously joined. “Well, I’ve seen a littie of life too,” remarked the second. “ When I came of age I had a thoa- sand pounds, and made everybody believe that I had got a fortune of fifty thousand. So I lived in glorious style—got into debt as much as people would let me — kept hunters, race-horses, and hounds—drove my four-in-hand—gave champagne parties—had a town-house, a country-house, a crib down at Newmarket, another at Melton, and a shooting-box in the Highlands—and thus kept up @ roaring game for two years. At last the smash eame. Everthing went to the dogs—and I was brought over here. That was eight years ago: and here I’ve been ever since. Now, wasn’t that a lark?” he exclaimed, laughing most joyously at this unblushing revelation of his rascality, while his boon companions joined in his mirth. “Well, I did even better than that,”’ said the third: “for when I came of age I hadn’t a blessed farthing in the world. But I bought a precious Jarge pair of whiskers and mustachios in the Bur- lington Arcade—clapped a long jingling pair of spurs upon my heels—wore a frogged coat—stuck my hat jauntily over my right ear—and called my- self Captain. Thus decorated personally and titu- larly, I took up my abode at Long’s Hotel and lived in the most sumptuous manner. The fashion- able jewellers were delighted to supply the Captain witb all he wanted in the shape of watches, chains, rings, and soon: and the Captain borrowed their full value on them from that accommodating rela- tive—Ais uncle. Things went on well enough in this manner for nearly a twelvemonth; and I was on the point of marrying an heiress with a huzidred thousand pounds, when the very night before th oo Gleetee © OU, SOU eew -er Whey Ce et ee 255 happy morning, I unfortunately left my pocket- book behind at the house of my intended. Her papa and mamma—like prying old folks as they were —could not resist the curiosity of peeping inside, just to catch a glimpse of the Captain's little . secrets: when, lo and behold! to their astonishment and dismay, they found the said pocket- book crammed with pawnbrokers’ duplicates. Early next morning—just as I was dressing for my bridal—not having previously missed the pocket-book, nor sus- pecting the storm which was about to burst over my head,—a parcel was put into my hand by the head waiter at Long’s. I tore it open—and out dropped the fatal pocket-book, accompanied by a note from my intended’s papa, couched in terms which always make me feel very uncomfortable when I think of them. Of course it was all up with the matri- monial scheme: the landlord of Long’s arrested me for my bill—I was brought to the Bench—and here I have been vegetating for the last four years. How the devil I shall ever get out—not daring to face all those jewellers in the Insolvent’s Court—I really don’t know—nor yet particularly care :"—and this conclusive observation was the signal for another uproarious burst of laughter. “Ah! my career was equally short—perhaps not — so brilliant—and most assuredly ten thousand times more foolish,” exclaimed the fourth of this delectable party, when the laughter bad again subsided. ‘On coming of age I received thirty thousand pounds of my own fortune, and married a young lady who had fifty thousand pounds as her fortune. But within three months after this marriage I was introduced to Madame Profligata, the celebrated actress: and though she is not half so good-looking as my own wife, yet I was fool enough to fancy that it was a very grand thing to have such a woman aa my mistress. I accordingly made overtures, and came to an agreement to allow her a house, car- riage, and five hundred a-year: but the very day after she was installed in her new dwelling, she told me that she could not possibly stir out for want of diamonds. I accordingly sent to the most fashion- able jeweller to bring up some sets of brilliants; and I offered Madame a present of goms valued at about a thousand guineas. Thereupon she burst out laughing in my face, and told me if I meant to do things in a chandler’s shop atyle we had better cutitatonce. I trembled at the idea of being ridi- caled before all the world by losing my mistress for such a trifle, and therefore allowed her to select diamonds to the amount of six thousand guineas. To be brief, Madame required so many valuables of all descriptions—had so many long-standing debits which must be psid—and went out shopping s0 in- cessantly—that in less than three months she posi- tively wheedled me out of twenty thousand pounds Her extravagance grew more unbounded as she per- ceived that I was soft and yielding; so that before we had been a-year together she had swallowed up not only my own fortune, but also my wife’s. And now, speaking of my wife, I may as well state that she returned home to her friends, while I lived altogether with Madame. All my ready cash being gone, my insatiate mistress taught me how to raise money upon bills: andstrange—almost incredible as it may seem—I negotiated in one year my own acceptances to the tune of eighty thousand guineas, for which all the value that we obtained was about three thon- sand in money — ten thonsand in wine, which no NOG) SS CO |