The Mysteries of the Court of London — page 117: what you’re looking at

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* 104 the windows of the Cottage—Miss Trelawney throws out something to him—think it’s a penny—can’t be sure—may be a halfpenny——” “On! nonsense— humbug —trash {” cried the Captain, flinging down his pen and starting up again. “1 told yeu before not to descend to such contemptible particulars as those. Neither the Earl nor the baronet wanta to know how many beggars call. Have you got any rashers?” demanded the gallant officer, once more turning ferociously round upon the trembling landlord. “Yes, sir—and beautiful fresh eggs,” was the meek respense. “Rashers and eggs, sir, for lunch ?* he added, in a humble tone of inquiry. “ And kidneys, sirrah” thundered the Captain, with appalling sternuess. “ Robin, you like kid- neys—don’t you ?” “ Chops,” was the laconic answer. *¢ Well, chops, then, sirrah,” exclaimed the Cap-. tain, bending the flercest looks upon the landlord. “And now mark me! The clock has just strack one—and my man Robin has been following Miss Trelawney’s carriage up into Piccadilly or some- where—remained outside the house where she went and stayed for a couple of hours—waited till the carriage caine to fetch her again—and then fol- lowed her back home. Now, sirrah, having done all this, my man Robin is naturally hungry— very nungry: and when Robin is hungry, it is a sign that I am hungry also—and therefore, the clock having just strack one, if the lunch is not up here by the moment it chimes the quarter past, I'll tear the house down and flay you alive—that’s all!” “Very good, sir,” said the landlord, in his usual meek way: and he descended the stairs three at a time, bawling out to his better half below, who superintended the kitchen department, “Kidneys, chops, and rashers with eggs for Captain Tash !— rashers with eggs, chops, and kidneys for Captain Ta—a—sh !” “J frightened him out of his skin, Robin— didn’t 1?” observed the gallant gentleman, with a horse laugh; the moment the door had closed be- hind the retreating landlord. “ Yes—but I don’t see the use of it,” returned Robin drily. “The man is a good man in his way. He gave us credit when we were hard op. You didn’t bully him then, Bread and cheese was good enough for our dinner in those times—and you didn’t mind waiting Snooks’s convenience till it was got ready. Now you order three dishes for unch—and won't wait a minute. It isn’t con- stent.” “ Consistent f” echoed the Captain, in a rage. “ By jingo, I’ve a precious great mind to——” But stopping short, he raised a tankard to his lips and sent about a pint of ale down his throat in less time than he could have counted five. Al. most immediately afterwards a dirty slip-shod ser- vant-girl entered the room, saying, “Please, sir, missus told me to come up and tell you as how there's ne kinneys in the ’ouse—but there's sassen- gers, if you like ’em instead.” “No kidneys?’ thundered the Captain. “Dag- gers and bayonets ! if you don’t go to the butcher’s and get some directly, Ill eat you /” The girl, becoming deadly pale even through a thick coating of grime upon her face, shrank back in horror as if she thought that the dreadful man would really carry his awful threats into execution é THE MYSTERIES OF THE COURT. and devour her then and there: but the next moment she burst into tears, which speedily traced several lines down her cheeks, as the rain does on dirty glass, and whimpered out an observation to the effect that “she couldn’t make kinneys if so be there was none.” “No more she can,” remarked Robin, as he still stood motionless as a statue behind the window- curtain. e “Not make them!” ejaculated the Captain. “Why, I tell you they can make anything in this wonderfal metropolis of our’s!—sugar out of sand —tea out of sloe-leaves—gin out of vitriol—coffee out of chicory—beef-sausages out of horse-flesh— rabbit-pies out of kittens—and biscuits oat of Canada timber. Why the devil, then, shouldn’t they make kidneys out of something? Eh, Robin? —eh, girl?—answer me that.” “ Order the sausages and let her go,” said Robin, curtly. ‘I like sausages.” “Then be it so—and five minutes to get all ready,” exclaimed the Captain. The girl rushed down stairs, ineffably relieved at having escaped being devoured by the modern ogre who had frightened her so terribly: and whilst the lunch was getting ready, the Captain strutted to and froin the room with majestic self-importance, his man still retaining his post at the window. “JI dare say you think me severe at times, Robin —very severe towards these people of the Green Dra- gon,” he remarked: “but Snooks is an idle fellow — and his wife and servant are as slow as himself. It does them good to stir them up alittle now and then with a few words of gentle castigation or remon- strance. Besides, different circumstances demand different treatment. It was all very well to let Mr. Snooks dawdle about just as he chose when we couldn’t pay our bills at his house: but now that I've got gold in my pocket, Robin,”—and the Cap- tain hit himself a tremendous rap upon the upper part of his thigh as he spoke,—“Til make everybody and everything in the place look alive, to serve me promptly—even to the cursed old sign of the green dragon itself that swings so crazily over the tavern door.” “If we don’t mind what we're about, sir,” said Robin, deferentially, “we shall become so ob- noxious that the landlord will bid us Jeave his pre- mises: and then how are we to watch Acacia Cottage ?” “The landlord eject us!” roared Tash, in as- tonishment. “ What! eject me—me, Captain Rolando Tash! Robin, my dear fellow, don’t hint at such a thing again, or you will grieve me sadly : for I shall begin to apprehend that your brain is somewhat affected. Eject me, indeed! Thunder and light- ning! it would be a hard matter, I can assure you! Eject me—me, Captain Rolando Tash! Prepos- terous—absurd—ridiculous !” And the gallant officer strutted and swaggered to and fro in the apartment, fuming and chafing as if he were filled with a rage which must boil over and vent itself upon some unfortunate wight, no matter how undeserving the victim might be. But happily the prompt appearance of a tray covered with dishes that sent forth an inviting odour, somewhat mollified the fury of Rolando Tash: and as the meek land- lord shuffled about, arranging the table and making everything look as neat and comfortable as he could, the sternness of the Captain’s countenance gradually a re Ore el eT | Ss CONNIC OOO