The Mysteries of London, Vol. IV — page 346: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE MYSTERIES OF LONDON, 842 prompted me tolook at a note which lay open upon [had remained in the surgery, and little thought the table. Tread it; and thus it ran, word for word:—Deer Joe, You ax me 2 lend you mi dip- plomy jor a few days, just to make a show with to a new payshent; butt vunce for all tell you as how i'd rayther not lett it go out of my house. Besides, it’s of no use to you, ’cos it’s made out tn the name of La’ Vert, and you've took the name of Surtees. So no more from your afecshonate brother, &ce.’—This noto was signed by the name of La’ Vert; and therefore it was spparent that the real appellation of my friond Mr. Surtees was Joseph La’Vert. It struck me ina moment that I had become the dupe ofa quack; but I had sufficient command over myself to restrain my indignation when he returned to the room. He was accompanied by a woman—I can- not say aladj—~whom he introduced to me as his wife. And here I must pause to say a fow descrip- tive words of her. “ Mrs. Surtees was a vulgar, dark-complexioned Jewess, with a long hooked nose. Her flesh seomed as if it had been smeared with oil, ond then wiped with a dry towel; but on her cheeks she wore an immoderate quantity of rouge. Sho was exceed- ingly stout, with an enormous bust: her hair, rough and wavy, was arrangedin bands and plastered down with quince-pips. She was dressed in the most outrageous style, and as she herself oxprossed it, ‘was about to go hout for a haring in tha carridge.’ Her gown was of green velvet; her shawl of bright red; and her bonnet of rose pink, adorned with a profusion of artificial flowers, inside and out. She wore very pink silk stockings and short potticoats, as ghe had conceived the erroneous impression that thore was something attractive in her elephantine leg. As a matter of course, she carried a complete jeweller’s shop about her person. She wore no gloves; and her large red hands were covered with rings, Her oar-rings were of gold studded with turquoise; and now her portraiture is complete, “Scarcely had the ceremony of introduction taken place, when another female bounced into the apartment,; and she was immediately presented to me as Mrs. Surtees’ sister. Such a pair was never seen before! They looked like a butcher’s daughters in their Sunday’s best; and they wero attired with an evidently studied view to contrast. For the sister’s gown was of bluo velvet, her shawl of flaunting yellow hue, and her bonnet white. These ladies, having favoured mo witha good tong stare and a fow observations relative to the weather and stuch-like common-plece topics, quitted the room to enter their vehicle which was waiting at the door. Mr. Surtoes had the gallantry to accom- pany them as far as the carriage; and the moment I was alono again, I had the curiosity to traverse - tho two rooms and take a peep from tho front win- rr ce a eet dow. Tho equipage wes in perfect keeping with the appointments of the honse and the attire of the occupants. Jt was a barouche, painted bright blue on the body: but all the under part and wheels were of straw colour. The inside was lined with yellow morocco. [twas drawn by two brown cobs, the harness exhibiting a profusion of silvor; and the conchman’s livery was of a gaudy blue, with buttons also of silver. “Bunt while I was making these observations from the window, my ears were saluted with a brief colloquy that took place in the passage bo- tween Mr. Surtees and his wife, ere he handed her to the carriage. They doubtless believed that I that I was near enough to catch all they said.— ‘Vell, Joe,’ exclaimed Mrs, Surtees, ‘any monzel* vith that pale-faced young feller vich you said were s0 ’ansome and mado me come in to see ?’—" A good moza-motton,’? he answered, with a vulgar chuckling laugh—‘Oh! then, he stumped the guelt?’t demanded the woman, joining in the cachinnation.— To bo sure hoe did, my love,’ re- sponded this precious consulting-surgeon: ‘and I means to haye a good deal more out on him aforo I’ve done.—‘ Oh! wery vel], then,’ returned Mrs, Surtees: ‘in this case the boy Abey must have a new polka hat, and little Joe a now welwet dress out of it’—* All right!’ exclaimed the consulting-sur- geon. ‘Come, cut along, and astonish the natives in the park a bit, I shall jine you presently.’ He then handed the two women into tho carriage; and I hurried back to the surgery, where I seated my- self till his return—so that he could not suspect I had quitted the placo during his temporary absence. I longed to tell him all I knew or suspected relative to his real character: but a fear of exposure made me silent—and I took my leave of him with as much civility as I could bring myself to bestow upon such ® person. “I know that I had been completely and tho- roughly victimised: but on reflection, I was glad of it. I saw that the circumstance of taking thie medicine had stimulated my imagination, and had thereby aided in improving my health. On my return home, I threw the six bottles away without drinking another drop of the trashy balm; and I sent at once for a respectable physician, who, for a fee of five guineas, gave me proper advice. I then came to the conclusion that it is always batter, under any emergency, to have recourse to legiti- mate assistance than to seek the aid of advertisers —no matter whether the subject involved be medi- cine, law, or money. My healthimproyed rapidly ; and at tho expiration of three months I became the happy husband of the equally happy Editha. Hore must I pauso for a time: the recollection of my wedding-day has revived memories which overpower me ! = = 5 * s * s a * s » “ June 20th, 1846. “J resumo my narrative. Twelve months had elapsed after my marriage with tho loveliest and most amiable woman in the universe; and nothing had transpired to interrupt our felicity. A boy had blest our union—and I was as happy as a husband and father could possibly be. My health was al- most completely re-established ; and my habits were regular and domestic. J loathed the idea of those exciting pleasures and fovorish enjoyments in the vortex of which I had nearly wrecked everything— health, fortune, and reputation; and Mrs, Greville, who dwelt with us, would often assure me with oa smile that I was the very pattern of good hus- bands. My brother, who had become a magistrate, was a frequent visitor at our house; and all was progressing in peace, comfort, and tranquillity, when an incident suddenly occurred to interfore with that smiling prospect. “Tt was Jate one evening, shortly after my bee loved Editha’s recovery from hor confinement, that * Luck. + Piece of luck. ~ Money. (C(O) (C DOO SS (SO)