The Mysteries of London, Vol. IV — page 159: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

~ 152 TILE MYSTERIES OF LONDON. te at en Ca ES Fe ground for doubsing the steadiness of her lodgers. It was on a Sunday evening, and the worthy woman had just returned from chapel, where she had heard a most refreshing and savoury discourse by the Reverend Mr. Flummery,— when, on crossing the threshold of the house dove, and while still ruminating on the truly Christian manner in which the eloquent minister had promised hell-flames to all heathens,—she was suddenly startled by hearing a terrific noise proceeding from up -stairs. She paused—and listened! Yes: the sound did emanate from above; and most strange sounds they were, too. Deeply disgusted—nay, profoundly shocked at this desecration of the Sabbath, Mrs. Rudd crept up stairs; and the nearer she drew to the parlour-door, the more convinced did she be- come that Captain O’Blunderbuss and Mr. Curtis were lighting a single combat with the shovel and poker. The conflict was, however, only in fun: for the clash of the fire-irons was accompanicd by tremendous shonts of laughter, and such ejaculations as these:— “There, be Jasus! I have ye again, Frank! Blood and thunther, keep up your guar-r-d, man! Now, would ye be afther a feint? Be the powers! and ye can't touch me at all, at all! Wit heard, mo friend—niver mind the damned ould poker-r-r—the ould woiman is at chapel!” Mrs. Rudd was astounded—stupefied. Was it pos- sible that these were the lodgers whom Mr. Styles—a respectable * City man”—had recommended as the very patterns of quictness and steadiness? Why, if she had Jet her rooms to two Bedlamites, things could not nave been worse! She was positively afraid to go in to remonstrate; and, having recovered the use of those limbs which wonder had for several minutes paralysed, she hurried down stairs to consider what was best to be done, while supping off her racketty rodgers’ cold joint, That same night Frank Curtis got so gloriously ine- briated, that he threw up his bed-room window and treated the whole Square to a specimen of his vocal powers—singing some favourite Daechanalian song, and introducing the most terrific yells by way of varia- tions, The captain, who had also imbibed a little too much, soon after threw uy» fis window, and exerted all the powers of Avs Jungs in chorus with his friend; so that the decp, solemn,and awe-inspiring silence of Char- terhouse Square was broken in a fashion that seemed ts surprise the very echoes themselves. Without any ture of speech, it is certain that the inhabitants were surprised; for their night, usually passed in such death-like tranquillity, was unexpected]y and suddenly “ made hidcous;” and several nervous old Jadies, dwel- hing in the neighbourhood, fancied that the frightful yells were warnings of tire, and went off into strung hysterics. Vainly did Mrs. Rudd knock first at the captain's door—then at Frank’s: they heard her not—or, it Chey id, tovk no heed of her remonstrances;—and when the beadle, who had been aroused from his bed, came and thundered at the front-door, the two lodgers simul- taneously emptied their water-pitchers on his head. Then, satisfied with this exploit, they closed their windows an Zetired to rest. When they descended to their parlour to breakfast in the morning, Mra, Rudd acquainted them, in a tone evincing the most viulent concentration of rage, that sho could not possibly think of harbouring Captain O’Blunderbuss and Mr. Curtis any Jonger. But, to Leramazement, they both swore *hat they were per- ek er ey er erie PY fectly mnocent of the disturbance of the previous night,—alleging that they themselves were as much annoved by the row as the landlady herself. Mrs. sudd could scarcely believe her ears: had she been dreaming? No: the noise had really taken place— for her lodgers admitted that they had heard it— though, to use a common phrase, they swore “eyes and limbs” that they ind not made it. Tlowever, she gave them a week’s warning, and then calmly re- minded them that a week’s rent was already due; whereupon Captain O’Blunderbuss flew into a terrific rage at the idea of “the maneness of the woman in spaking of such a thrifle!”’? Mars, Rudd was frightened, and turned in an appealing manper to Mr. Frank Curtis, who declared point blank that the captain was cashier, and that she must draw upon him: but, find- ing that the gallant officer was a cashier without cash, Mrs. Rudd was compelled to retire—muttering some- thing about her being “a lone widow,” and intimat- ing a hope that the two weeks’ rent would be paid “all ina Iump” on the following Monday morning. The captain and Mr. Curtis now completely threw off the mask. They no longer affected even to be “steady, quiet men of regular habits,” a3 Mr. Styles had represented them; but they drank poteen “ till all was blue,” as Irank Curtis said—or, in the language of the gallant oflicer, “till they couldn’t see a hole through a lath-er.” ‘The disturbances they created at might were hideous; and poor Mrs. Rudd received from all her neighbours the tnost positive threats that they would indiet her house as a nuisance. At last, in the depth of hier despair, she had recourse to that ex- cellent man, the Reverend Mr. Flummery; and the Reverend Mr. Flummery, having heard her sad tale, undertook to goin person and remonstrate with “these men of Belial.” Accordingly, one afternoon, just as the captain and Frank had finished a couple of bottles of stout by way of piving themselves an appetite for dinner, they were somewhat surprised when the parlour-door was thrown open, and jn walked a short, podgy, red-faced man, dressed in deep black. Still more amazed were they when he announced himself as the Reverend Emanuel Flummery, and stated that he had come to remon- strate with them on their behaviour towards “a lone widow.” The captain, winking at Curtis, desired the minister to be seated, and proposed to discuss the busi- ness over another bottle of stout. is reverence thought there was something so affable in the offer, that it would be churlish to refuse it; and he accords ingly gave his assent. The stout was produced; and Mr. Flummery, being thirsty and hot, enjoyed it excessively. He then began a Jong remonstrance with the two gentlemen—the gist of which was thut Mrs. Rudd would Le very much obliged ta them if they would pay their rent and remove to other lodgings. The captain and Prank pretended to listen with attention; and the reverend minister, finding them in such a tractable humour, as hie supposed, did not choose to mar the harmony of the interview by declining a second bottle of stout. Talking had renewed his thirst—and, morvover, if there were one special beverage whieh the Reverend Emanuel Flummery loved more than another, it was Guinness’s stout. According]#? he empticd his tumbler, and then continued his re- wonstrance and his representations, in which, how- ever he was cut short by a sudden painin the stomach —cdonbtless produced by the effervescent malt liquor The captain way prompt saith a ramedy: and Mr. EConnicloooks (SO)