Happy Days: A Paper for Young Americans — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

—YHAPPY Dy, . | - Stop your noise and put out your] “ Yes i ea You must eat three plates |THE BOARD OF TRADE BOYS. tongue. Out came that red flannel tongue again. It looked for all the world like a chunk of liver. “Now I’m going to try another 2 eee ment,” said the fake sawbones, ‘‘I am going to run a red-hot needle through your tongue and see—~-” **Oo—oo—wow!” ** Oh, doctor!” ‘Ho’ Heaben’s sake, Marse Doctah, I don’ wan’ ter be ’sperimented on dat ‘away,’ said Joe, h, doctor, do you really think it’s necessary?” stammered the widow. ‘I think that would be awful. Why, I couldn’t talk!” : ‘* You have got it very bad,” said Tony. ‘Tf you didn’t have, you would have said the same thing that Joe did.” ‘Huh! Glad I ain’ got nuffin’ de mat- - tah wif me!” muttered the coon. ‘Really, doctor?” whined the widow, like a sick poodle. : ‘Stick out your tongues again.” - * But, doctor, you ain’t going to put hot needles or——” ‘ ‘*Do as I tell you, you old jay.” Out came the widow’s tongue, Then Tony looked wise again. : Then he whacked the widow’s talking apparatus. ; ‘* Wee—ee—ow!” ‘““Stick out your tougue, you old croco- dile!” | “But, doctor——” “Stick it out, I tell you! Who's got charge of this case, you or me?” Out it came again, Biff! | It got another crack. sé 99. ‘‘ Stick it out, I tell you.” “Yes, but you——” Out with it!” ~ The old girl had to mind. She was too scared to do otherwise, Then she got another crack, ‘‘ Ouch, doctor! You hurt!” she sniveled. ‘That'll do, That proves conclusively that you’re a very sick woman, You ob- served that Joe made no sounds whatever, while you cut up like a cat in a fit.” ‘**Oh, doctor, do you think——” - “If Joe had not been well, he would have made the same outeries you. did, but you will remember that he made no sounds whatever.” ‘** Golly, dat aim strange !” said the coon. 7 | M. D., in a severe tone. ‘* Dat I didn’ make no noise,” ** Not at all, sir, not at all.” ‘‘But I neber eben knowed yo’ hit me, sah, I jus’ didn’ feel no sensashums whateber, sah.” ; ‘You see?” asked Tony, turning to the rattled widow. ‘“‘He felt no sensation whatever. ‘That shows you that he is all right.” g. Yo’ bet Lis,” muttered Joe, “That will do,” said Tony. * You can go now, sir.” Joe went. ' He was glad to go. He thought he had got off easy. | By the way the doctor was acting that day he had expected to get it worse, “T don’ wan’ no red hot needles stuck froo my tongue,” he muttered, ‘‘ eben ef it am a’speriment. Ef de doctah wan’s ter show Mis Sours dat she am sick, let him re him ’speriments on her, not on dis fel- lah! ‘**T jus’ done got ter wonderin’ what am de mattah wif de doctah dese yer days, He am got ter doin’ de mos’ stranges’ tings dese times, I jus’ spect he ain’ right in him haid, or else he am tryin’ tings’ dat I neber heerd tell on befo’ in de medical pur- fesshum.” Meanwhile the pseudo doctor was hav- ing fun with the widow in the office, ‘My dear madam,” he said, when Joe had skipped, “* you havea most aggravated case of ipse dixit and hic jacet combined, I want you to follow my directions implic- itly, or you'll be dead before you're thirty.” “Oh, doctor!” simpered the widow, She was past fifty then. ‘¢ You must go home and go to bed and - stay there till I call.” ** Yes, doctor?’ ‘‘ But first you must soak your feet for five hours in mustard and water.” ‘‘ Five hours, doctor?” ‘‘ Five hours, and then at the same time you must drink ae ice water, a glassful every fifteen minutes,” « Bat ‘doctor, how can I drink hot ‘ice water?” “The same way you drink anything, you old fool, with your mouth of course, **Yes, but, doctor, how can I get hot ice water?” ** Why, take some ice and make it hot, and then po it in water, of course, Any idiot ought to know that much,” ** Oh !” said the widow, She didn’t dare to get mad at the doctor, If she did he ae give up her case and ul, _ that would be dread ** Another thing,” said Tony, é - ; et gle a = oy * 4 , ie f oe Kaa, a * : . gee gy Bg aka" 7 . mS . ast aiibaet coring Jaen igtiies Abate. O. Do a eat ER sh SR AM) a coe St — 4 i. » — clear soup with a fork, Your appetite must be built up.” ‘**Hat soup with a fork, doctor? Why, I can’t !” ‘*All right, then, go and die. If you don’t eat it with a fork, it won’t do you any good.” “All right, doctor,” whimpered the old girl, ‘*And another thing,” said Dr. Tony, looking fierce. ** Yes, doctor ?” ‘*You must chew fourteen egg shells, two lumps of chalk, and three toothpicks, That’s to build up your system,” ‘Yes ?” ‘Now, don’t forget the mustard and water, the hot ice, the fork and the soup, and above all, stay in bed until I call.” **Oh, thank you, doctor, very niuch,” **Now, get out, you old crow, or Yl throw a brick at you. Your face gives me a pain,” - The widow got out very sudden, ‘* How eccentric the doctor is getting, to be sure,” she mused, when she got away, ** Most men make love to me, but he don’t, He, he, te, he.” Tony had had fun enough for once, so he skipped out and got into his own face and togs once more, Away went the widow, and obeyed in- structions as far as she could, The people in the house thought that she was crazier than ever. They asked her what she did such queer things for, and she said that she was only obeying her doctor’s instructions. ** Dr. Tompkins told me to do so, and I’m going to doit,” she said. ** H’m, ITalways did think Dr, Tompkins was cracked, and now I know it,” said the housekeeper. And the real doctor never knew a thing about it. Not until the next day at least. It was along in the afternoon when a messenger came from the widow’s, The messenger was a girl with asun bonnet and freckles, a snub nose and a short dress, ** Mis’ Sours says yu’re tew come right stret over tew aour haouse, kawse she ain’t no better’n she was yes’day,” said the girl. **Ah! Is Mrs, Sours sick, then?” **’Course she be, an’ she was sick yes’day, tew, when she come over”. ——is * Wall, I dunno nawthin’ abaout thet, }~- but Mis’ Sours she says fur tew come over tiehg naow anyhow, ‘cause she’s dretful The doctor went, Tony asked to go ity * He wanted to see the fun, His pop thought he was in search of in- formation, That pleased him very much, ‘Why, certainly, Anthony, you may g° with me,” he said, relaxing much of the usual severity of his manner, ‘‘Iam really pleased to see you take an interest in things of this sort,” If he had only known Tony’s real reasons for wanting to go to see the widow. He didn’t, It was as well for Tony that he did not. Off they went in the carriage, for the doctor was too pompous and too dignified to go on foot. It wasn’t far to the widow’s, but he rode all the same, Arrived at the house, he stalked up the walk, thumping his gold-headed cane at every step, and shedding dignity all around, The housekeeper admitted him, and told him he could go right up to Mrs, Sours’ room, for she was expecting him, **The young man will wait down here, I suppose?” continued the woman, e was supposing a lot,on her own responsibility. | The young man would do nothing of the ind, He meant to get all the fun out of this a that there was to be extracted. **Oh, no, my son is interested in the case and wishes to learn,” said the doctor. ** He will accompany me,” ** Well, but I don’t think Mrs, Sours ex- pected——” es “It doesn’t matter,” said the doctor, freezingly, ‘what Mrs, Sours expects, I usually conduct my cases in my own way. Come, my son,” There would be fun when that mad old widow got foul of the doctor, and Tony knew it. That’s what he wanted to see, [TO BE CONTINUED. ] ——- > os Storekeeper—Did yew ride ’way in here jes’ ter buy that gallon uv whisky, Abner? Abner —W’y, consarn yer hide, Silas! yew orter know I wonidn’ leave my farm right in ther middle | ]} uv plantin’ an’ ride ’way in here jest ter buy a gallon uv whisky. I kem ter town ter-day pup- uss ter buy my wife aspool uv white ton thread, an’ gol darn my buttonsef I hadn’t clean forgot all about t spoke, thread until you (Continued from page 7.) But there seemed no chance unless he exposed his hand. ** No matter,” he thought. ‘*‘ We will go to the elevator. The watchman will + there, and [ll have him to back me up anyhow. I'll let this man, whoever he is, play his game out to the end.” CHAPTER XIV. FROM THE COLD HAND OF DEATH. Jim WILSON was as brave a fellow as there was in the whole city of Chicago. To say that he felt the least fear of his companion would be anything but the truth, and yet being of a quiet, retiring nature, he would have heartily wished that he had never entered the hack, had it net been that he felt that he had madea great discovery. All thought that Will Young was play- ing a double game with him was now ban- ished. , Jim could only seein this a plot against his partner. He felt that important disclosures were sure to be the outcome of shrewd action on his part. ‘** What we want is to get at the man who is at the bottom of all this,” he thought; ‘‘if it is Dillmeyer we want to know it, and if 1 keep cool [’m going to find out.” , The hack was almost at the elevator by this time, . Joe Stellmeyer had changed his tactics, Dropping the matter of the stock entire- ly, he began to talk of anything and every- thing; things that Will probably knew all about, but of which Jim was entirely ig- norant, — He was still at it when the hack stopped at the elevator, **T’ll hold him until I ean telephone to Rockingham for Will,” thought Jim, ‘** Peter must lend me a hand.” But there was no Peter visible when they entered the office of the elevator, al- though the door stood open and the gas was burning brightly inside. ‘*Excuse me a minute,” said Jim, look- ing around. ‘‘I want to speak a word to the Lay waeeng EASE | he has stepped out into the elevator. [ll be right back.” median eyer, ees turned the uter d im saw this significant action, but he said nothit | | Opening the door which led into the ele- vator, he was.about to pass through it when a man suddenly sprang out of the shadows, and ee both hands on his shoulders, forced him back into the office again, ** You stay right where you are, young feller!” he hissed. ‘*‘ We mean business! Look down this!” t He threw Jim from him and presented a cocked revolver. a It was the shabby man in black ! Of course the boy instantly recognized 46 TL him, Stellmeyer stood by smiling sardonical- y- ** You see there’s to be no monkey busi- ness in thi8S matter, Will,” he said. “ If you'll accept my offer, well and good, if not, there’s going to be trouble, It remains for you to choose.” “* What trouble, for instance?” asked Jim, pale but perfectly cool, **Don’t tempt me too far. The money will be forthcoming if you sign the trans- fer and deliver us up the stock.” “*Oh, I thought you were willing to wait for the stock until my father’s estate is settled,” *“No; we want it now.” ar ory good, You've got the best of me : | ¢, Then you yield ?” ‘I suppose I’ve got to,” **Not a doubt of it. Peter, the watch- man, has left the building; we are here alone. I tell you frankly, Will, that we are acting under orders;-we intend to kill you if you don’t yield to our demands,” Oh, that’s it, is it?” replied Jim, as cool as ever, “if that’s the case, I'll have to give up; ae ask your friend to put up that revolver while I open the safe.” i aes it. T'll look out for him.” on’t doit. Lain’t going to take the chances of turning my back.” “Oh, putit up tosatisfy him,” said Stell- meyer, and the man in black pocketed the weapon, Jim bent over the safe and worked the combination, ** Here oe are,” he said, handing out a long envelope, thick with a lot of unim- tahoe invoices of goods, which he had ought for repairs on the elevator, Stellmeyer seized the envelope eagerly, and the man in black turned his head to ook, This was Jim’s chance—just what he had counted on, There was a new revolver ia one of the pigeon holes of the safe, and he seized i¢ and turned on his enemies, “Throw up your hands!” he shouted, ‘up in the light of t ‘* By heavens I’m in dead earnest! Throw up your hands!” Stellmeyer, who was a perfect coward, turned deathly pale and threw up his hands in a hurry. Bang, bang, bang! At the same instant a furious pounding began on the outer door, following closely upon the noise of a hack, which came téar- ing furiously up to the office. ‘** Let up on me, Will! For gracious sake don’t get me into trouble!” gasped Joe Stellmeyer. The man in black had deserted on the instant. Darting through the door which led into the elevator, he vanished. Before Jim could reply the outer door was burst in and Will Young, followed by Detective Munsell and two policemen, rushed into the office. ‘** That's the man!” cried Will; ‘* by thun- der, Jim has got him foul!” ‘*Take him quick!” panted Jim. ‘* Will, follow me! The man in black has just gone through that door!” Here was a highly interesting announce- ment, It was not a time for explanations, and none were attempted. While one of the officers seized the trem- bling Stellmeyer and sprung a pair of handcuffs around his wrists, Jim darted through the inner door, followed by Will and Detective Munsell. “What is it? What happened, Jim ?’ asked Will, as they rushed through the building. . ‘Don’t say a word. It’s the man in black! He ain’t gone a minute, Now’s our chance to catch him, andit may never come again,” | ‘‘That’s right,” whispered the detective, ‘Hark! Don’t you hear his footsteps go- ing down the stairsinto the cellar? Thun- der and’ guns! He’s making for the little door which leads out into Dunning’s coal yard! I might have known,” Now Jim had never heard of the little door in the rear leading into Dunning’s coal yard ; in fact, he had never taken the trouble to go into the cellar, and knew nothing about the place. They were just in time to hear a door slam ahead of them, The detective flashed his lantern along the dark passage, and they made for the “We're too late! He’s gone again,” said Jim, as they threw it open and found themselves staring at a big heap of soft coal. ‘* No use looking for him here.” ‘‘Perhaps he never went out,” said the detective, flashing the lantern around, **Mebbe he only slammed the door fora blind, By thunder, there he is! Up with your hands, you scoundrel! Don’t you dare to move!’ Detective Munsell flashed his light into a big gloomy bin, and there, crouching in the darkest corner, was a man fast enough, He neither moved nor spoke. | When they rushed in upon him it was just the same, ‘*Get up out of that!” ordered the detect- ive roughly. He put out his hand and caught hold of the fellow’s head, for it hung down upon his breast, instantly drawing away with a startled cry. ‘*By time! He's dead! He’s cold!” **Tt ain’t the man we are after,” exclaim- ed Jim, ‘* Not a bit of it,” added Will; *‘ but look here, what’s this he’s got in his hand ?” It seemed very strange. The right hand of the dead man held a | half unfolded paper; there was a packet of similar papers lying in his lap. Will pulled the pe away and held it e detective’s lantern, Jim, this is tremendous,” he exclaim- ed. ‘* Look! Look here!” It was only a certificate for a hundred shares of Hoffmeister Hoisting Co,’s stock in the name of Edward Young. ‘‘Those are the identical papers!” cried Jim. ‘I'll swear to it,” Be that as it might, Will realized that he held a fortune in the one he had taken from that cold hand of death, CHAPTER XV. WILL GIVES MR. SOLOMON DILLMEYER A LITTLE PLAIN TALK, *“Wuo in the world is he, anyhow?” This was Will Young's first question, put as soon ashe was able to think of any- thing besides the lucky discovery of the Hoffmeister Hoisting Co.’s stock, Detective Munsell was down on his knees then examining the dead man. “ Why, it’s Tom Trent, the river thief, that’s who it is—Dirty Tom!" he exclaim- ed. “Every officer on the force knows him. I’ve been yea what became of him these last few weeks,” Evidently Dirty Tom had lived right there in the bin where they found him, for further search revealed an old straw mat- - tress and some articles of clothing, There was also a great lot of miscellaneous plun- der, odds and ends of old iron, lead pipe sheet copper stripped from the bottoms of lake boats, anything and everything that G