Ellen Percy; or, The Memoirs of an Actress — page 322: what you’re looking at

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ELLEN PERCY; OR, THE MEMOIRS OF AN ACTRESS. Melissa had been speaking with a rapid and vehement utterance: she now paused—the tears again started from her eyes—and having wiped them away, she continued in the following man- ner :— “T must now confess that of all the young noblemen or gentlemen whom I have anywhere met, I have entertained a preference for Lord Frederick Ravenscliffe. And I never betrayed it. - At one time I believed that he was paying his court to Juliet ; and the friendship which I experienced for her rose superior to any feeling of jealousy. Then everything appeared to be broken off in that quarter; and I no longer sought to put a curb upon my feelings nor upon my imagination. I thought oftener and oftener of the handsome Frederick Ravenscliffe: I indulged in dreams and visions of happiness—until I felt that I loved him with the deepest infatuation. But all this likewise did I conceal. Thus months and months passed on: seldom did I see Lord Frederick —and when we did happen to meet, it was merely a reserved and distant notice that he be- stowed upon me. Yet though my heart was _ wounded, its passion was not cooled: the flame which burnt within lost none of its in- tensity. But I am expanding this narrative of mine to too great a length: I will therefore at once approach the incidents which relate more particularly to yourself. You remember, Ellen, that scene in the Green Room which occurred be- tween two and three weeks ago,—how Lord Frede- rick and Colonel Bellew suddenly made their appearance, heated with wine—and how his lord- ship insulted Juliet. I afterwards spoke strongly of the matter,—not merely to conceal the real state of my own feelings, but likewise because the demon of jealousy had suddenly risen up in my heart, and I felt that even from the evidence of such an incident Lord Frederick thought infinitely more of Juliet than he did of me. On the fol- lowing day I was proceeding to the theatre at about noon, to practise with the ballet-master, when I suddenly encountered Lord Frederick. He. stopped me—he spoke with a friendly fami. liarity that he had never before adopted towards me—and he inquired what the Normans had said in respect to the adventure of the preceding even- ing? I told him how indignant they were. Me- thought that he smiled in a peculiar manner, but I could not comprehend what was passing in his mind. He retained me in conversation; and I confess that I was in no hurry to leave him—for my heart was bounding with happiness. He gradually began to contemplate me with attention : admiration grew up in his looks: he paid me com- pliments—he asked permission to call upon me— and I assented. He came to my lodgings; and then, Ellen—then I fell from the path of virtue which for a period I had been pursuing.” Again Melissa paused : her cheeks were suffused in blushes—the tears were trickling from her eyes. At length she continued her narrative in the- en- suing strain :— “T have already told you that,when once I had thus relapsed, I stifled all the whisperings of con- science—I strove to harden myself—to surround my heart, as it were, with the defence-works of cal- lousness, recklessness, and indifference. I became lord Frederick’s mistress, Then one day I called 309 upon you. Oh, fatal day!—it was the one on which you received the overture from the Marquis of Tynedale. When you showed me the letter and its tempting enclosure, I could not help thinking that if such an overture had been addressed to me, I should gladly have accepted it. The sum ap- peared enormous in my eyes. Satan whispered in my ear; and without having positively deter- mined to consummate the great wickedness that was thus suggested to my mind, I offered to be- come the bearer of the packet to Lord Tynedale. But at the moment when you so readily and so trustingly consigned it to my keeping, I could hardly restrain myself from falling at your feet and confessing that I already felt. myself un- worthy of so much confidence. But my evil genius prevailed—and I departed with the packet. As I returned to my lodgings, the desire to be- come suddenly enriched grew stronger and stronger in my mind; and yet I hesitated to plunge all at once into the vortex. Knowing nothing of the nature of cheques, I dreaded lest if I were to self- appropriate the one which that packet contained, I might, through some ignorance or indiscretion in the mode of presenting it, betray my guilt and draw down its most terrible consequences upon my head. It is true that Lord Tynedale’s letter itseif intimated that payment would be prompt and without questioning at the bank: but still, as guilty desires invariably suggest apprehensions— many of which may however be really groundless —I trembled to incur what to me appeared a tre- mendous risk. I sat down in this room with the packet before me, pondering and hesitating — wavering and uncertain. Lord Frederick entered at the time. He had promised to bring me some money ; and he at once began to complain bitteriy of disappointments which he had experienced—of the increasing meanness of his father—and of the embarrassments in which he found himself for the want of a few hundreds of pounds. It seemed, Ellen, as if Satan had sent him there at that mo- ment and had put this discourse between his lips, in order to combine and strengthen all the in- fluences which were impelling me towards the vortex of crime. To be brief, I let a few words drop—Frederick caught at them—I strove to evade his queries—but he pressed me—he fol- lowed up every fresh admission which in the ex. cited state of my feelings I unguardedly made— until he wormed out of me the entire secret. Then Satan, who had been hitherto tempting me unseen, entered into the shape of Lord Frederick Ravenscliffe—and the infernal plot was devised. You shudder, Ellen “Proceed, proceed, Melissa!” I * Tell me all the rest !” “T will, I will!” she responded: “ frankly will I undosom myself! But Ob! now how terribly are your feelings to be wounded—is your modesty to be shocked! Your pure nature, Ellen, will revolt in horror and loathing at the foulness of the deed iH “Continue,” I said; “it is a tale that I must hear !” “The packet was opened,” proceeded Melissa ; “an answer was penned in your name to Lord Tynedale—it was I who wrote it. Would that my hand had been suddenly palsied! would that lightnings had seared my eyes! But no!—it was exclaimed. | | oe COI Ghboo Ss Com