Ellen Percy; or, The Memoirs of an Actress — page 127: what you’re looking at

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cee eecemtsniinctieeneeniemenee - 114 ELLEN PERCY; OR, THE MEMOIRS OF AN ACTRESS. ee murmuring amidst the last convulsiveness of a sob, “Now wy heart is relieved |’ “ But tell me, Juliet,” I said, “what is it that thus distresses you P” “In the first place, dear Ellen,” she replied, bending down her head, “I feel that I way to become a mother and Oh! though a wedded wife, yet under the stern pressure of cir- | cumstances shall I be compelled to leaye my home —to go and bury myself in some seclusion—and there give birth to my babe, as if I were.a fallen, guilty creature, and that infant were the offspring of shame!” “ Poor Julie!” I said: but unwilling to wound her feelings more deeply than they were already distressed by reminding her that such a result was to have been anticipated from so inauspicious and secret a marriage, 1 hastened to assume a more consolatory tone,—adding, “ But in eight or nine months more you will be proclaimed a wife before the world “f “Yes—but in six months my babe will be born!” she mournfully interrupted me. “Oh! all the anticipated pride of a mother which I first experienced on feeling that I should become one, is absorbed in the dread of being looked upon as a dishonoured and degraded woman before that secret of my marriage can be proclaimed! And this is not all that distresses me—this is not all that tortures me! I have no certificate of my marriage of ““ None ?” I exclaimed, with a terrible strength- ening of those misgivings which at the time of that marriage I had entertained, but which my visit to Embledon had subsequently set at rest. * But your husband—Lord Frederick Ravens. cliffe 4 ) , “ He omitted to obtain a certificate from Mr. Croft,” responded Juliet with a profound sigh. *‘ Everything, you recollect, was so hurried 4 “ But let not this getness you,’ I said. “ You have but to write to Mr. Croft at Embledon + “ Frederick has promised to do 80 on several occasions,” rejoined Juliet: “but he continues to neglect it. This evening, while you were at the theatre, he called: I again spoke to him on the subject: he answered me petulantiy—it was the first time that he had ever spoken angrily—-and I was cruelly distressed! It was that doubtless which gave me those hideous dreams—it haunted my mind ed : “But you yourself might have written to Mr. Croft at Embledon P” I suggested. “TI asked Frederick this evening,’ continued Juliet, “to write at once himself, or to suffer me to write—for the desk was open upon the table. But while he enjoined me on no account to take such a step and Ah! I cannot conceal from myself that the reason he gave was a poor one he evasively promised to be sure and write to-morrow.” “ And what reason did he give,” I asked, “ that you should not write P” “ He said it was unbecoming and improper, and that Mr. Croft would think it exceedingly strange that such an application should come from me. Ob, Ellen!” continued Juliet, with passionate vehe- menceythough in a low voice; “if anything should happen to Mr, Croft—if he should die suddenly, without this certificate being procured — good TTS, et ste me am in a. — ——— = heavens, what a horror! for who would believe that such a marriage had ever taken place? And I should be disgraced—and my poor babe would be born in shame Oh, Ellen! you can now under- stand wherefore at times my thoughts overpower me and my soul is tortured with the cruellest ap- prehensions! I cannot fancy that Frederick has 53 any way deceived me——No! no!” and she iuddered as if with an ice-chill as she spoke. “You must to-morrow insist, Julie,” I said— : but insist with delicacy and tenderness, and not peremptorily nor passionately—that Lord Frederick writes at once to Mr. Croft for the certificate which is indeed so essential to your welfare. I wonder that your parents did not take the pre- caution to see that the certificate was duly given P” . “They fancied that either Lord Frederick or myself received it,” responded Juliet. “I have judged this much by what they have since said; and I have not dared tell them that no certificate was ever given at all. But I repeat, Frederick could not possibly haye deceived me in any way— there were no means for such deception, even if he were capable of it. Tell me, dearest Hllen—what is your opinioh P—tell me that there were really no means of perfidy being committed % “JT do not see how deception could have been practised,” I answered. “That you were married by a special license and by a real clergyman are facts which cannot be doubted i “Oh, yes, Ellen! on these points there can be no doubt!” cried Juliet, catching at the assurance. “And, now, my sweet friend, do you not think that I am very foolish But no! you do not !— your own countenance is grave! What is passing in your mind, dear Ellen P” “Can you wonder, Julie,” I asked, “that I should be distressed at thus finding that /you are not so happy as I could have wished you to be? Take my advice, dear Julie, and press Lord Frede- rick to write to Mr. Croft to-morrow; and if he will not, you yourself must write! It is not Mr. Croft only who might dio but remember, Julie, we are all mortal do not, do not think that I am speaking gloomily but this is the occasion for serious distourse——-and therefore I would obserye that if anything should happen to Lord Frederiek himself ——” “ Oh! I too have thought of that !” said, Juliet, with a visible shudder ; “and, Oh! what a dreadful calamity if I were left a widow without the means of proving that I had been a wife—a mother, with- out the power to show that my offspring is honour- ably born! Yes, yes, Ellen—for a thousand rea- sons L‘must have that certificate! And now I comprehend that the absence thereof is the true source of all the fears which agitate me. Iam rendered nervous—and then every kind of appre- hension seizes upon me, or else steals insidiously into my soul. Oh! Ellen—though but a ballet- dancer whom so many doubtless contemned, yet have I my own pride,—the pride of good principles —the pride of conscious rectitude—the pride of one who had passed triumphantly through the ordeal of temptation !—and it is dreadful not to be able to look the world boldly in the face! To know oneself. virtuous, and yet incur the chance of being deemed fallen and guilty—to be a lawfully wedded wife, and yet be at any moment exposed to the ECORNICLOOKS Gom