The Young Duchess; or, Memoirs of a Lady of Quality — page 176: what you’re looking at

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| 162 THE YOUNG DUCHESS; OR, MEMOIRS OF A LADY OF QUALITY. accident on the Neva, and a list to be prepared as carefully as possible of all the persons who disap- peared on that particular evening, and who might therefore be supposed to have perished in the catastrophe. ‘Those who had missed relatives or friends on that special occasion, were enjoined to give the names of the lost ones at a particular Government Office. I proceeded to fulfil the melancholy task in respect to my poor child; and the following entry was made in the books :— ‘ Mildred Malcolm, daughter of Widow Malcolm and the late Edward Maleolm, merchant. Eng- lish. A few days afterwards the report was published, when by some mistake or another the entry appeared as follows:—‘ Mildred Malcoln, Widow of the late Edward Malcolm, merchant, English.’ As weeks went by I observed that the principal Continental newspapers, in recording the most notable names of those who perished by the accident on the Neva, mentioned my name as one of those who were lost. It was the same with the English newspapers, and then in due course came letters from Mr. Lea and other persons who happened to have known me, addressed to Miss Mateolm, and offering the sympathies of the several writers to that young lady on account of her mother’s death ! ‘‘ And while time was thus passing, and these little incidents were occurring, I was shrivelling | away into a skeleton: buf my countenance re- tained a marvellous juvenility of appearance. I yas distressed beyond degree at the thought of the loathsome object I was becoming in respect to my shape; and my vanity quickening within me —that vanity which had only slept and had never died—experienced a mortification which grew more and more intolerable. It became a demon goading me almost to suicide: it appeared like a fieud bent on driving me to desperation! What! at the age of forty to shrivel up into a wretched old hag?—to become a living skeleton? The thought was madness! If I could not ward off the hideous ealamity, at least I might conceal it from the world! And then, as I brooded over all these things—as I plunged deep into the study of the uses of cosmetics, and gaimed experiences in those succedaneous arts, which are now, so to speak, the very conditions of my existence,—a certain idea gradually took growth in my brain. At first I repelled it as outrageous: next smiled at it as ridiculous: then I envisaged it more at- tentively—until at length I suffered myself to grow familiar with it, fo contemplate it earnestly, and finally to calculate all the chances of success which would attend upon its adoption. And this idea—what was it? Oh, the immensity of that human yanity which could conceive it! For that idea was nothing more or less than to profit by the species of suggestion thrown out by the report in the newspapers—to personate as it were my own daughter—to maintain the idea that it was indeed Mrs. Malcolm herself who had perished, and to go forth into the world as Miss Malcolm ! ‘‘ Never, I must again repeat, did human vanity present so singular a phase or take so strange a development ! Yet I can assure you that at the time when my resolve was taken, it was not with the least idea of forming another matrimonial alliance. It was not love which I courted: it was admiration. Indeed the very fact of entering tpon a course of such extraordinary hypocrisy } empirical and ineffective. 2 must serve as a sufficient proof that a second marriage was with me altogether out of the ques- tion at the time, and that as I intended to as- sume the name of Miss Malcolm, so did I intend to remain Miss Malcolm for the rest of my life. However, not to dwell too much upon details, I must proceed to relate that when my mind was made up to accomplish the stupendous fraud—the counterfeit—the deception—or whatsover you may choose to term it, I quitted St. Petersburgh and retired into an obscure town at a considerable dis- tance. There I resided for a twelvemonth in the strictest seclusion. Meanwhile the hideous atrophy which had seized upon me, continued to make its frightful inroads, and I became reduced to a mere being of skin and bone, save and ex- cept with regard to the countenance, which most singularly retained its plumpness and its freshness. Indeed, although I had then accomplished the grand climacteric of forty years, my face seemed to belong to a person of no more than five-and- twenty. And here I should observe that I had always been remarkable for an exceeding juve- nility of appearance in respect to the counte- nance. During this retirement of a twelvemonth I carefully and minytely studied the art which has ever been to me asa second nature: I procured all kinds of cosmetics—got them analyzed by a chemist—and thus found out which were calcu- lated to be useful, which were deleterious, or which There was an amuse- ment in the study ; and thus I obtained a means of recreation while adopting the requisite pro- cesses to gratify my inordinate and most wondrous vanity. “At length I quitted my retirement, and leav- ing the Russian territory altogether, I proceeded to Vienna, where I made my appearance as Miss Malcolm. I had taken care to provide myself with handmaidens who knew nothing of my ante- eedenta ; and at that time my disguise was not of so-elaborate and detailed a complexity as to render it requisite for me to have a confidential assistant at my toilet. Having the command of money, and at once beginning to live in good style, I was soon spoken about and visited by persons belong- ing to the highest grades of society. There were several mercantile firms in Vienna to whom the name of Malcolm was well known alike in its connexion with St. Petersburgh and London; and thus the tale which I wished to be circulated was set afloat and corroborated for me from those sources—namely, that I was the daughter of Mr. Malcolm, an eminent deceased merchant, and that my mother had perished at the time of the ter- rible accident on the Neva. The same tongues which spread these statements, superadded the fact that I possessed great wealth ; and thus I was quickly courted, flattered, and welcomed by a host of admirers. ‘“‘T have no doubt that in making these revela- tions—these confessions indeed—I must appear in the most contemptible light, as the most frivo- lous of human beings. But the danger of incur- ring this opinion will not prevent me from telling the exact truth. Frankly, then, do I avow that I was intoxicated with joy at the adulation I re- ceived : my heart was elated—my pride was flat- tere ‘my vanity gratified. There was even the gide ‘hess of joy in my brain when I found my- self courted and sought after in preference to COMO YN Wn) Colin