At a Girl's Mercy, or, The Fortunes of War — page 178: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AT A GIRL’S MERCY. '. 167 - Called her weak, or thought her sex less than the noblest of all God’s creation, and he caught himself thinking of her as he would not allow himself. to think of her now he was a cripple, now he could no longer bring her back the life he would gladly have lain at her feet. He meant—always meant— to win this girl if it werein his power. Shehad .« been his ideal since he could remember. They were children together, and her childish spirit had even then strengthened and helped his spirit to be strong for the right. He had meant when he went away to the war, parting from her in the shady garden where all their lives had been spent—he had meant, when he should return from the wars with his soul proved to her, tetell her the desire that must always make life truer to him even should she say him nay. But he could not offer her a life like his, crippled, weakened, unworthy of her love as he had so fondly hoped he might be. Her words were sweet and ten- der and womanly, but what woman would willingly | give herself to a cripple and a worn out soldier? She could talk of her soldiers, and her heroes, but she could never know what she was saying. -He pulled his hands roughly. from under hers, and turned his face away that she should not guess how he was suffering. He would conquer this mad wish that was tugging at his heart to tell her, and have her sweet sympathy. He would fight this battle by himself, and she could not nurse him with her ten- derness as she had through the other fight. She could sit there beside him, but never guess of his heart. He would never give her cause to suffer as he was suffering. She should live her life, and be free from his. He would not turn coward here on the very edge of this strange battle-field. He would live many years, doubtless, and so would she. But his life must be away from her life, and she would never know. He would go home when they would allow it, and he would make his life what he could, but her life would be always just beyond his reach, and she would never know, she would never guess. A sudden desperation possessed him to know how she would feel should she guess of what he was thinking, (eo) micboo ‘Sco