Life — November 29, 1923 — page 36: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

- EUPE - There’s profit and pleasure for you playing a Conn saxophone, recog- nized by such artists as Isham Jones, Faul Biese and many others as the finest in the world. ‘This handsome book explains exclusive feat- ‘tures which make Conn best and easiest to play Simplified key system enables you to play scale in one hour, popular tunes in a shore time. t and details SF FNSPPTREAL EASY PAYMENTS Conn is the only maker of every in- Sirument ‘used: in the band. Men- tion instrument that interests you. . G. Conn, Ltd.,1121 Conn Bldg. Eikhart, Ind, Please send FREE BOOK and details of Free Trial Plan. The Near East Relief AMERICANS desiring to temper their Thanksgiving with mercy will rejoice to know that a way has been found. Thanks to the Near East Relief, an opportunity will be afforded on Sunday, December 2, to turn from immod- erate feasting to moderate fasting. In lieu of the Sunday dinner you might ordinarily eat, you are invited to eat a simple one, contributing the difference in cost to the fund that is helping to keep 60,000 orphans in the Near East from starving. Lire recommends this program as the best insurance against the after-effects of turkey. Checks should be sent to the Near East Relief, 151 Fifth Avenue, New York City. Books Received Splashing _ into (Dutton). The Middle Passage, millan). Trust a Boy! by Walter H. millan). Merrimeg, by William Bowen (Macmillan). Reversion to Type, by E. M. Delafield (Macmillan). Finding Oneself in the Berry (Putnam). The Story of The Bible, by Hendrik Van Loon (Boni & Liveright). The Cinder Buggy, by Garet Garrett (Dut- ton). Barbry, by Henry M. Rideout (Duffield). Martha, by Ethel E. Mannin (Duffield). The Hope of Happiness, by Meredith Nich- olson (Scribner). Here's to the Gods, by Austin Parkér (Har- per). Collected Poems, by W. H. Davies (Harper). The Hero of the Filipinos, by Charles Ed- ward Russell (Century). With the Gilt Of, by A. St. John Adcock (Putnam). Lummox, by Fannie Hurst (Harper). Undertow, by Henry K. Marks (Harper). Ma Cheuk, by Edgar $. Winters (Dutton). Anya Kovalchuk, by Clarence Wilbur Taber Covici-McGee Open All Night, by Paul Morand (Seltzer). The Hopeful Journey, by Beatrice Kean Sey- mour (Seltzer). a ac Children of Loneliness, by Anzia Yezierska (Funk & Wagnalls). Society, by Iris Barry by Daniel Chase (Mac- Nichols (Mac- Universe, by Jean Bla, Bla, Bla! “I suppose you've all heard the joke about the negro boy who was walking along the road one day in a certain Southern town, when he encountered a raccoon in the middle of the road. “I hope I shan’t make the mistake that was made by a certain professional reformer, well known in the West, who was lost in the woods one day as a re- sult of searching for a garage, when sudden, ie “Ladies and gentlemen: I’ve never made a speech and I don’t intend to begin now. In fact, I'm in much the same position as the Irishman who sailing across the sea to the old country for the first time and shared his stateroom with an old Hebrew. This wen’ old Hebrew carried a small package with him wherever he went and he was very jealous of it—in fact, so jealous that he refused to even let the Irish- man see it. Well, it seems.... ” ‘And I'd like to tell you a story about rence between an optimist and mist. If an optimist has a cork- screw and tries to open a bottle with it and the corkscrew breaks... .” “That reminds me about the one of the negro boy who was out walking in a Northern city one day, when he came upon a ‘possum in the middle of the street...” A.C. Did English Silber AN UNUSUAL COLLECTION OF EARLY ENGLISH TEAPOTS HOW ARDeCO FOUNDED 1866 14 E. Forty-seventh St NEW YORK FOR_g MEN OF BRAINS IGARS -MADE AT KEY WEST— $102 As a “Qui Vive” (The regular fee is $25.00) so that no reader of LIFE —Ladies or Gentlemen—may heve any excuse for not taking up the study of FRENCH at this time Offer includes FRENCH BOOK NEEDED and FRENCH LES- SONS by Mail in The United, States for Three Months. PROF. H. T. FRUEAUFF St. Cloud Stree (Transh Allentown, Pa. 8 made from French and German) WYNKOOP HALLENBECK CRAWFORD COMPANY, NEW YORK Springs~f two cotunies the foremost thermal springs resort Christian S.Andersen, Resident Mgr. Hot Springs’ Virgini Booklets and information on request. Our New Language Many years ago, when I was still engaged in the quiet pursuit of knowl- edge, I chanced to dabble a bit in Esperanto, that lingual mechanism destined to unite the world; and I dabbled in it just enough to discover that every noun ended in “o” and my patience long before that. Recently however, I have begun to think that we are not so much approaching a wii. versal language as we are a complete disintegration of our own tongue intc dialects of vocation. If innocent nouns continue to over-develop into ultra- modern verbs we may well expect some thing like the following: Chauffeur: Madam, cook has asked me to axle down to the butcher’s and tont.eau home some chops for dinner. Army Captain: Yes, Colonel, we ar- tilleried an hour, caissoned back to camp, and beaned and coffeed at six. Doctor: Well, I tonsiled him closely but I couldn’t adenoid his case at all. Teacher: Now, class, for to-morrow I want you to binomial three theorems and syntax the next ten sentences. D. McC. Pat: Oi wouldn’t throw ye a rope if ye was drownin’. Mike: Oi wouldn't touch it if ye did Coming next week—Lire’s Christmas Number. On sale everywhere. comicbooks.com