Judge — January 1939 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

their heads and snooze. The stoats, humiliated. cast off all restraint; some of them neglect to cat or sleep or care for their young, and per- petually run about the island in a lather of rage and frustration, Mar that as a result of these prac stoat is facing extinction, scientists. believe ces, the marsupial IT HAS BEEN YEARS SINCE WE LAST HEARD A tomahawk whiz past our head. ‘The scalps that hung at our belt have long since been eaten by moths. Therefore, when we noted the fol- lowing society items in the. Kingfisher, Okla- homa Times, we felt a deep, nostalgic glow and we hope you feel the same: Item: “Ralph Turtle and Frank Bear Robe were El Reno visitors last Tuesday.” Item: “Minnie Skunk Neck is taking a short vacation this fall. Hem: “Andrew Yellow Eagle of Deer Creck won first prize in war dancing.” In this connection it is worth noting that Mus- solini has forbidden the use of the name “hot dog” to Halians, “We must drop these exotic and foreign names,” announced Il Duce. FOR REASONS NOT entirely clear to us, Margaret Juers,our Central European correspondent, re- cently spent an aft- ernoon in a Balkan cafe frequented by Mohammedans. In this cafe wo Mohammedans sat sipping coffee, and our Miss Juers watched them. Shortly one of them fell asleep. The other prepared to do likewise, but as his eyes rolled heavenward he noticed a nest of scorpions writhing on the rafter over his head. This put a new light on the matter, and he pondered. Finally, with a sigh of oriental resignation, he hitched himself around to the other side. ‘Tivo hours passed, and the sleeping Moham- medan woke. As his head cleared, an expres- sion of dismay contorted his face. “Ali!” he cried. “Ali, where are you?" "Here I am,” said Ali, from the other side of the table. The beard of Ali's friend trembled. “Ah, THE JUDGE FOR JANUARY Ali,” he said reproachfully. “First. you are here, then you are there. Are you a bir WE MUST SET FORTH SOME. ADDITIONAL FACTS at this time, to prove that our Miss Juers does not spend all her time in cafes. It seems she owns a fur coat, She left this fur coat in Vienna when she moved to Zagreb, under the impression that the Croatian capital was sunny and mild. She arrived in August and promptly discov- ered her error. First off it hailed. In Septem: ber frost gripped the earth, and before Hal- lowe’en a coating of ice formed on Zagreb. Miss Juers wrote her mother-in-law in Vienna to send the coat. A month later she got an official post card announcing the arrival of one coat (female), and demanding $80 duty. Inasmuch as the coat had cost only $239, sev- en years earlier, our Miss Juery went to the customs house and set up a moan. “No, no.” they said. “The coat (female) is very valuable.” At last-an official who liked Americans (be- cause, as he explained, his cousin’s daughter had once been engaged to a man who finally emigrated to America) told Miss Juers what to do: she should go to the police and get a certifi- cate of destitution (stamp-ax, $1): then she should write her mother-indaw in Vienna and tell her to write back, stating that the coat was not hers (Miss Juers’) but that it was a gift of charity to cover her (Miss Juers’) nakedness. Then Miss Juers was to have her mother- “Could you suggest something for an elderly kleptomaniac?” inJaw’s letter translated, pay another stamp- tax, present the translation to the authorities with a petition stating her case, and w: Misy Juers sent three express letters, seven, telegramis, paid for six bottles of wine, and then yot a promise that the coat would be deliv- ered short] Only then it way July, and Miss Juery’ busi- ness had taken her to Persia. OUR PILLAGE & Aron editor re- ports that criminals are getting cuter than ever, Witness: 1) In- Paris, France, a servant girl named Marcelle Brazier set out to rob a hotel office. in the-office she found a bottle of wine. In the morning theysfound Marcelle Brazier on the office floor, stewéd:to the gills and stuffed with 10-franc notes. 2. Mrs, Arthur Davlin, of South Gate, left twelve $10 bills on her bureau and returned to find them gone, A week later the burglar sent Mrs. Davlin an envelope containing ten of the twelve bills and this note: “$120 is too much for a person to lose.” The manager of a grocery and meat market in O'Fallon, I, is named Les Proffitt, comicbooks.com