Judge — January 1939 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

CANNOT SAY HOW THE @ SEVERAL TIMES A YEAR THE EDITOR STICKS his head into the wretched little ill-lighted hole of an office inhabited by this department, and ys something unpleasant like, “Write a piece the Fourth of July,” or, “Comment on Spring, please, Just now he said the most unpleasant th of all, “Work up a paragraph on Christmas, he said. ‘Then he escaped with his life. Christmas. Ye Gods! I is now November. Our drab, gloomy litle oflice is ay grey as the sky, and a spider is spin- ning a web in the corner. . But come, let us think of Christmas, of the jolly Yuletide, Let us dream, here in our gloomy little office. There! See! What we thought was a spider is really good old Saint Nick, fingering the re- tail trade statistics. And what's this, shining with a holy light? Why to be sure, to be sure: it’s the December profitand-losy statement of the National Aso: ation of Gingerbread) Men) Manufacturers. And there! Can that be the star of Bethle- hem, twinkling there? Why so it is, and aetecd at 1,000 watts by the Edison Co., too. And sce here... and here! Little envelopes with windows in them, Lovely litle envelopes. Kindly remit on or before the first. Sure cnough, we've dreamed ourself ahead a month, right into Christmas. Pass the bromo-selucr, triend. rg I is the opinion of the Tungus witch doctors of Siberia that carthquakes ave caused by huge “burrowing vats.” We are inclined to doubt this, As every schoolboy kno are simply. seisinc earthquakes aphic adjustments, vesult- ing from improper- ly devacinated cur valures of sess. THE FOLLOWING history. hereafter to be known as the Case of Comradle Revisoff, will inter- est all. our Com. munist readers. le Revisolf, a citizen of Moscow, | came acquainted with a girl named Tiemicri eva. She had buck tecth and a large wart on the end of her nose; but she also had a large room, and rooms of any size are hard to get in Moscow. So Comrade Revisoff and Comrade ‘Viemicr- iaeva were wedded. The happy couple inhabited their room in peace for a month; but then Comrade Revisolt met another fright named C Groon- ieva had the largest room t ade Revi- soff had ever seen. Now Comrade Revisoff found himself in a dilemma. He could, of course, divorce ‘Ticm- icriaeva by signing his name to one paper; and 12 TRUTH MAY BE. TELL. THE TALE AS ‘TWAS TOLD TO ME. Sir Wolter Scott he could marry Groonieva by signing another. But it would be wicked to release a valuable room like ‘Ticmicriacva’s without getting paid for it. Comrade Revisolf proceeded with the cun- ning of ama ous about ‘Tiemicriaeva. “You are pale,” he said: "your beautiful eyes are weary “You must go to the country,” he said. And thuy itway that Comrade Tiemicriaeva left Moxcow for a month's vacation. \ weaker man would have rushed to the army ol Groonieva, What Comrade Revisoll did was to roll hiy eyes at a third girl named Barticn- ieva, who promptly fell in love with his wife's room. It ix against the Jaw to sell a room in Mos- cow. But it is nowhere against the law to take dough from your wile. Comrade Revisoll di- vorced ‘Tiemicriacva, He married Barticnieva. And as soon as she slipped him a wad of rubles he divorced her and left her happy, in the room of ” micriac When ‘Viemicriaeva got back 1 Meycow she found herself minus a husband and a room, Comrade Revisolf received her in the palatial room of his third wile, Groonieva. “Do not rieve, my little sturgcon,” he said soothingly. Life is like that. Nitchevo!” ter of chess. He became solicit- TIRER SPLENDID NEW FACTS FOR OUR ROOK, “One Million Reasons For Not Living in Cali fornia.” have just come to hand: Hem: Some California burglars broke into the high school office at Santa Rosa and zcal- ously attacked the safe. They hammered with a sledge. They bored with an augur. ‘They pried with a steel wedge. Finally they suc- ceeded in locking the sale—which the high school authorities of Santa Rosa, Calif, had neglected to do. Item: George E. Lobdell of Chico, Calif, left the cruclest will on record. He stipulated tha all his property should go to his wife, “pro- vided she sees fit to remain in California. Item: Ava reptile show in Santa Cruz, Calif, a rattler bit a native son named Ray Hensel. Promptly the rattler stopped cating; ten days later he died. LAST SUMMER OUR YOUNGEST AND MOST ENER- gctic Correspondent took an overdose of Mark Twain and decided to go stcamboating down the Mississippi River. He went to a travel burcau in Chicago, where they nodded their heads wisely and offered h’m a cruise up the ‘Tennessee, or else a cruise down the Ohio. At the Port of New Orleans Authority in Chicago they asked him if he was sure he wouldn't like a trip through the Caribbean by freighter. Finally a Mr. Gibson advised him to consult the barge captains of St. Louis. He did. He pleaded with the barge captains. He claimed to be directly related to Mark ‘Twain. ke a powder, chum,” they said, Finally thiy beaten young man went back to Chicago, and appealed to the Chicago Tribune ay a last resort, They told him that there had been a reund- trip steamboat excursion to New Orleans last Mardi Gras; and that there might be another some time, if cnough Mark ‘lwain fans could be found. Now our youngest and most energetic corre: spondent iy diyillusioned. He says thingy aren't what they used to be. The American tradition iy decaying. All we say is, suppose Mark ‘livain had spent his summers looking for round-rips by covered wagon, He probably would have been sadly disillusioned too. FOUR POLICEMEN recently made the false move of ar- resting a circus strong man named Ant Weeks. ‘They incarcerated him in asmalland decrepit ‘The next day the Sheriff came to take Art Weeks to court. He found that the prisoner, together with the front door of the cooler, had vanished; and the building's facade had been pushed partly off the foundation. We hope this will teach cops to quit arresting people. THE MARSUPIAL STOAT OF THE GALAPAGOS Is a singular beast. In the course of centuries, it has conceived a profound dislike for the giant tortoises which infest these islands, It runs at them and snarls at them and gnaws venomous ly at their large, hard shells. At these times the tortoises simply pull in THE JUDGE FOR JANUARY comicbooks.com