Judge — December 1938 — page 21: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

the Law of Libel LAW OFFICES BARR, DISBARR & KROHBAR November 15, 1938 Editor, Shoddy Stories, Your letter, marked “urgent,” asking for an opinion on the Law of Libel, with respect to a certain article you are thinking of publish. ing, arrived today, and this being Saturday, I hasten to tell you that all the partners and asistants have gone fishing, leaving me in charge. My instructions were to do nothing but to answer the telephone, but if you had called by telephone I would have answered, so I see no reason why I should not answer the mail, as well. After all, I am a second-year law sudent, and did pretty well in my classes last year, flunking in only two subjects, neither of which was the Law of Libel, so 1 can assure you that my ideas on the subject will be of help to you. I can well understand how you need advit on Libel. I don’t read your magazine, because my tastes are superior to that, but I realize that almost everything you publish would be a tibel on somebody. ‘The article you sent for our opinion is un- doubtedly libelous. You ought to know. by this time that you can’t say that the Senator is a polygamist, or that he killed his last wi at breakfast, in a fit of rage when his nar was left out of the morning paper by mistak or that he keeps a stable of horses on money he steals from the WPA. Really, Mr. Editor, you ought not to need a lawyer to tell you that—especially at the rates charged by Barr, Disbarr & Krohbar. Confidentially, when 1 have graduated I will probably be opening an office of my own, and will be very pleased to serve you for much less than they do. Even to your sugges- tion that you change the article to say it is al- leged that the § a polygamist, said that the Senator killed his wife at break- fast, in a fit of rage when his name was left out of the morning pa- per by mistake, and it is whispered that the Sena- tor keeps a stable of horses on money he steals from the WPA will not let you out. Changing “polygamist” to “biga- mist” won't do, either. After much thought, and having spent at least fifteen minutes in our law library, I have come to the conclusion that there is one way in which you can save the situation, Run a quiz. You know what a qui is, don't you, Mr. Edi- tor? They begin: “How Intelligent Are You? One out of four of the following is correct. If you're smart, you'll know which one it is. If you're dumb, you won't.” Then they go on with something like this: The George Washington Bridge is: (1) A game played at Mt. Vernon. I invention, much used among (3) A figment of the imagination. “They call him the czar of the button-hole industry!” THE JUDGE FOR DECEMBER “Mirage or not, it's getting us therel” (4) A span across the Hudson. Well, Mr. Editor, you can get around this libel in the same way. Just say: ‘Three of the following four statements are wrong: Senator So-and-Such is: (1) A pol q (2) A man who killed his wife at breakfast in a fit of rage when hiy name was left out of the morning paper by mistake. (3) A man who keeps a stable of horses on money he steals from the WPA. (4) A United States Senator. ‘Then, way back among the advertivements, you put a little bit of a thing reading, in very small type: You see, in that way, Mr. Edi- tor, you aren't saying that the Senator is any one of the other things, and To think it will be O.K. if you're even a little care- les, and put the answers where nobody would. read them how, like among the editorials. I'm not allowed to take money for legal services, because I'm hot yet admitted. Instead of that, if iv's O.K. with you, VI take it out in trade. All T want is to draw up your quizzes on certain people in the news. Yours very wuly, ROBERT D. ABRAHAMS HOUSIS FOR SALE ANEW 51m, insulted home, att oil hit, firept. int ba Broadway, 6 8338. Springfield (Mass.) Repub ican. 17 comicbooks.com