Judge — July 1938 — page 21: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

found on its native heath. It achieves the squinted eye from long practice at viewing with alarm Pinchipus Leonimus (Fig. VI). Originally discovered in a potato patch in Idaho (but not to be confused with the corn-borah) this exclusive strain has been successfully (from Idaho's point of view) transplanted to Wash. ington, where it thrives lustily. This type advocates splendid isolation for everybody but itself. It courts no fa- vors. It favors no courts. LESSON 4 Group 4, genus BEETLEBRAU, is characterized by bal- loonlike cheeks wherein wind is stored up in amazing quan- tities. The eyes are rarely visible beneath an overhanging fringe, but when it comes to the showdown, their ayes usually have it. Its chief variety is: Browbeat* Beetlebrau (Fig. VII). Here we have a very po- tent example of the effect of ex- cess of UMW A. Very aggressive; in fighting, its unusual tactics are to strike sitting down while its foe is still girdling up its loins. While research is not complete, indica- tions seem to show a tendency to start on red and stop dead on green. FIG. VII LESSON 5 Group 5, CASSIUS BELLI, is well-known for its lean and hungry look, sometimes mistaken for dyspepsia. Its color scheme is predominantly yellow, and its voice an un- pleasant monotone. Adolphus Cassius Belli (Fig. VIII). This specimen, examined in a drop of water under a microscope, is found to have characteristic blonde Aryan hair, blue eyes, and extreme aggressiveness, except when czeched. It is generally found under moist flat rocks. Authorities do not agree on the name of this species: ‘’Ratzi.”” (Foot- note C), “Schickelgruber,” ““*!!-.2*@- N?*.-1,"" etc, are popular variations. \U FIG. VIII Footnote C. "Une Etude en Savant des Noms des Chiens,” par M. Walteur Winchelle, Membre de Societe des Hauts Chapeaux. July, 1938 LESSON 6 Jawbus Politicus. The outstanding characteristic of this group is the jutting jaw, generally the result of excessive use. Joblus Jawbus Politicus (Fig. 1X). A devotee of the goddess Nira, this speci- men is prone to stick its jaw out and be- come prone. Generally speaking, this type is generally speaking. This species frequently learns to write, and sometimes that’s too bad. FIG. IX Smallus Florus Jawbus (Fig. X). This type has very little neck, but lots of cheek. What little neck it has it frequently sticks out. It rarely takes com- mon council. It excels in big- game hunting, especially the tiger. Since it is always in a hurry, it subscribes to the old Latin motto, "Sick transit galore monday rush hour.” FIG. X LESSON 7 URGEUS PURGEUS. This rare species presented un- usual problems in study. It abounds only in inaccessible regions. It trusts no one, not even itself. It lives its life in a series of five-year spans, cach twenty-five years long. Redsky Urgeus Purgeus (Fig. X1), the only specimen that could be obtained for examination, was found tremlin’ in a kremlin. To reach it, it was found necessary to peel away innumerable layers of commissaris bolshevis, a tiresome and hazardous process requiring frequent application of costly palm-grease; the result did not justify the trouble. Redsky Urges apparently is given to disguising itself (that couldn't be its own face). Con- fronted with danger, it will not fightsky, but boy how it can trotsky away from troublesky. It is very devout, plac- ing great faith in the efficacy of confession. FIG. XI EPILOGUE We hope you have profited by this course in map-study. If you wish to continue this fascinating subject further, we shall be glad to send you free of charge Professor Dunn's book, “Physiognomy for The Masses.” All you have to do to obtain this delightful volume is to tear the top off your neighborhood, and send it, together with $25 to cover the cost of mailing (and a couple of drinks for the pro- fessor), to The Pennsylfornia State Hospital for the Feeble- Minded, Well Dunn, Pennsylfornia, the professor's last known address, or a reasonable facsimile thereof. 19 comicbooks.com