Judge — July 1938 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Dear Boss: I've been taken ill with Swedish measles; unable to write the rest of my copy, Lam sending you a substitute piece written by my young son Sub-Junior. Junior O.K. We'll fix the spelling. It's about time you acknowledged that brat. Ed. Tue NicHT CLuB I and father was standing in the sta- tion at eleven p.m. Offspring quoth my parent I am disgruntled to inform you we must wait over two hours to go to the seashore owing to the fact that I have forgotten about standard time time tables. Let us partake of ice cream I suggested emphatically. Your mother, said the man who mar- ried her, is going to be sore enough that I have kept you up to two a.m. without giving you ice cream which I do not like anyway. Presently he looked at me nobly and said: “Darwin, You’p Betrer Hurry; It’s ALmMost Time For You To Go Into Your SoNG-AND-DANCE.” 20 HIGH HAT By Judge Jr, Eastward hi Sub-Junior. Where are we hasting Breadwinner I asked as the resourceful cab-driver steered us East through the great metropolis. Inheritor of my worldly goods he clarified, whilst the careful driver lurched him into my lap, I am about to initiate you into the great American custom known as Going To A Night Club. How is it accom- plished I stated without interest for I was occupied in jamming the taxi- meter with a pin. There are several ways, my young boswell, he implied, the right way the wrong way and my way. Observe my every move with peeled orbs that you may not be chiseled when you too reach man's estate. Meanwhile I had jammed the meter all right only a dollar too much so I thought I would say nothing which was just as well because father didn’t seem to like the driver anyway. Then the cautious driver pulled over to the curb, we being thrown to the pavement by the impact. The fore- bear rewarded him with a meas- ly sum, after which we stum- bled into a pala- tial Little bare room where a beauteous lady with chewing gum took father's hat. Check your hat sir she voiced sweetly as he put a check in his pocket. Who was the kind lady I asked. Oh he stated that dame she is a hat check girl and when I come out I give her a dime. Only chumps pay a quarter. Why pay a dimel asked. Because I want my hat back he declared. Then why do you have to pay her I asked isn’t it your hat. Sure it's my hat he said but she pays to work for the concession. Why don’t you keep your hat like me I remarked unwarily. My father swore a oath and spoke little for a short time. Well there was a lot of people inside the place all making noises and mostly drinking not eating. Then a man dressed like daddy does for a party said table sir although daddy didn’t seem very enthusiastic and we sat down behind a big pillar so we couldn't see anything except the kitchen. This is a good old dive said my progenitor and I am smart because there is no cover charge. No sir said the waiter but the minimum charge is five dollars a couple. You call this a couple said father with a hot sound. Yes sir two is a couple observed the flunky haughtily what'll it be. This is robbery Father said unpleasantly, and ordered the precious beverages. An America which got over the beret will get over the night club hoped my baffled forbear out loud. This is a clip joint he added but they will find that they can’t do this to me. It was then I made my mistake because I stated I thought you knew all about night clubs, bringer home of sustenance. At this point he uttered a unseemly imprecation and was hauling off to deal me a ring- ing blow when a man with a stomach and a big blonde lady came up. Daddy started to scratch the back of his head instead of hitting me and said hello Ed you old warhorse how are you. Hello Junior said Ed meet Ingaborg this is good old Judge Junior. Is that a re- production of you in miniature said Ed as though he had made a joke. Sub- Junior instructed my convivial parent shake hands with mr. Tilton we're on the same project. Come on over to our table said Ed so we did only we forgot the precious beverages. Good old Frank and Charlie's said Ed, they haven't changed since that amendment left have they. Who are Frank and Charlie I risked. They run 23 said Ed. What's 23 I explained. 23 is this night club said Father now shut up. Why do they call it 23. Because that’s the street num. ber. Then if we had a nightclub home it would be called 51 I asked. Oh never mind said the forbear who was just tell- ing Ingaborg he had a eye for beauty The Judge comicbooks.com