Judge — June 1938 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

I cannot tell how the truth may be; I say the tale as ‘twas said to me. —Smr Wacter Scort. E ARE preparing an appendix to the Origin of Species, by Charles Darwin. It will contain the fol- lowing data: 1. Recently, in the dark of night, the muffled figure of a woman stole into the police sergeant's office at University Station in Los Angeles. Standing before the desk she looked tearfully at a tiny bundle in her arms. The astonished sergeant looked up from his reading and saw her place the bundle on the desk, where it lay, whim- pering. “Hey lissen sister, you can’t do this!” barked the flatfoot. But the wom- an had vanished into the night. Detective Wilkerson returned to the station from a call and heard of the abandoned waif. “T'll take it into my home and care for it as if it was my own,” he shouted. Now Detective Wilkerson is nursing a baby monkey. 2. Recently a famous biologist, hav- ing unsuccessfully tried to teach a mon- key to play ball, decided as a last resort to leave the little creature alone in a room with a bat, ball, and glove. He closed the door and waited a mo- ment. Then very silently he stooped and peered through the keyhole into the monkey's room. He found himself staring into an in. tent brown eye. Our Philadelphia man informs us that the German freighter Kellerwaid left his city recently, carrying 20,000 Amer- ican-made airplane bombs. He says for us not to worry, though. He says we'll get them back, sooner or later. From Rice Lake, Wis., comes this classified advertisement: “Wanted: a maid for general house. work; seven children, lots of noise, noth. ing to eat; husband an alderman, late at lunch as often as six times a week; position offers splendid opportunity to gain experience as to management of private restaurant or small hotel, or pos- sibly a day nursery.” Many people believe that Nicholas Murray Butler is more intelligent than they are. Gentle reader, consider the Italian: 1. In Gwalia, West Australia, an Italian miner sat down to drink with two friends. He decided to put alum in their wine; he thought it would be fun to watch them pucker up their faces. KINGS TICKET SERVICE However he used poison, by mistake, and shortly his friends slumped un. conscious to the floor. Instantly the miner realized what he had done and his grief overcame him. He snatched out a clasp-knife and tried to stab himself in the heart, but missed, inflicting a painful flesh-wound. Two more Italians heard his cries, ran into the room shouting, Dio mio!” and ran out again to their car. On their way to fetch the doctor they collided with an. other car and injured one man badly. 2. In Verona, Italy, Giovanni Ber. bi's doctor told him that tobacco was un- dermining his health, and gave him a bottle of anti-nicotine medicine. Gio- vanni put the bottle next to a flask of hair-lotion, and woke up some days later with green hair. Now Giovanni Berbi is de-nicotinized, but bald. With sorrow we announce that our knowledge of geography has been ques. tioned again—by a choleric Ohioan who doesn't want his name mentioned. This gentleman insists that Buenos Aires is in Argentina, whereas every schoolboy knows that Rio de Janiero is not in Bra- zil and that the capital of Argentina is Buenos Aires, just as Rio de Janiero is the capital of Brazil, although this Ohioan insinuates that Buenos Aires is The Judge comicbooks.com