Judge — December 1937 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ANY YORK department store has been good enough to compile a list of export mailing dates for Christ- mas presents. We will pass the cream of this information on to you, secure in the knowledge that it will reach you at least three weeks too late to be of any use. It takes longest to mail presents to Mozambique; these must leave Nov. 13. On Nov. 16, you may play Santa to Ceylon, Siam, Sierra Leone, whatever that is, and the Straits Settlements. Saudi- Arabia, the Ivory Coast, the Gold Coast, Ethiopia, Eritrea, French Somaliland, South Africa, and the Philippine Islands, in the next bracket, call for mailings on Nov. 20. Cuba's date, Dec. 17, is the easiest to make. However Spain is the best of all, from the shopper's stand. point; parcel post service to that country has been suspended. 'HE BOYS on the Supreme Court aren't going to hang up their socks this Xmas. They're afraid they'll wake up the next morning and find somebody else in them. ‘THE OTHER day a lunch.table full of advertising men discovered a lay- man in their midst, and started to test slogans on him. This was the point at issue: whether it is better to mention the name of the product, as in “Better Buy Buick,” or not, as in “Ask the Man Who Owns One.” Finally they tried the Pontiac slogan on him. “What,” they asked, “is ‘The Most Beautiful Thing On Wheels’?” Judiciously, the Average Man sipped his fifth martini. “Mae West on roller. skates,” he said at last. MANY AN individual who has the imposing title of Dean of Men on our University campuses become grey and mature figuring out ways and means to get their men to behave. Not so, the Dean of the University of Pennsylvania. His task is relatively simple. For at Penn, all of the fraternity houses are held in trust by the University. This is due to the fact that University property is ex- empt from taxation, and when the houses are deeded to the University, the boys save money. So What? Just this. Any- time the boys misbehave too much, the Dean threatens to give their house back to them, which always brings the boys to attention. Pretty unique plan, eh? BECAUSE it fell to pieces in mid-air on its initial test flight, we believe that the prize for the most appropriate name of the current season should go to a Japanesé midget airplane. It was chris- tened “Louse of the Sky.” AMONG the more interesting matter in our files, Watson, is the Affair of the Nervous Hat. The gentleman who purchased this hat was distressed to find that it kept popping up in the center when he put it on his head. He felt, cor- rectly, that it made him look silly. He took the hat back to its makers, and, in consternation, they agreed to fix it. The gentleman patiently wore his old hat, and waited for four long days. Finally the new hat returned. He put it on and Lo! it kept its shape. Eager to know how miracles are worked, the gen- tleman investigated the repair. He found that the company had stabilized his hat with a paper-clip. He still feels silly. 'OLOR! How it brightens the dull happenings of a drab and dismal world; how it lightens the soul of the most downtrodden underdog. Color, that’s what we need. And, from all ac- counts, it is what we are going to get plenty of. Drab surroundings are taboo; a new era is under way! To begin with:—there is Leo of Vien. na whose opening remark to ships re- porters strongly leads us to believe that, although he may have other objectives, the chief purpose of his trip is to sell American femininity on the idea of pink hair. A “tender, tender rose” he says is the thing from now on. It goes well with street dress, evening clothes—any- thing! Leo is an authority on coiffures; if he says rose, rose it probably will be. Not to be mentioned in the same breath is that gentleman out in Cali- fornia wlio dislikes commonplace yellow yolks in eggs. By feeding his hens on a special ration he has developed yolks a beautiful shade that reminds one of gangrene in the earlier stages. It may take a while for the general public to learn to relish the sight of eggs with green yolks but, for that matter, Rome was not built in a day, either. Recognizing the trend, legislators at Harrisburg, Pennsylvania state capitol, have provided a mandatory color chart for dealers in farm products which went into effect not long ago. Anything that is wrapped must be done up in blue, ted, green, or orange paper, depending upon the quality. If a dealer wants to use white he has to mark the grade on the package. A choice, but too much trouble. Not to be outdone, the dairy industry, <6 comicbooks.com