Judge — March 1937 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Gentlemen: “ide MIOY Your, mapa. zine thoroughly t have a fault to find. On arriving at the end of a page in read ing stveral of your articles, I was most politely invited to turn to page so-and- so to continue, but to my exasperation found the page numbers in- geniously hidden in the fold of the maga- zine instead of at the outer corners where a snap of the thumb would immediately guide one to his destination. There was plenty of room at the outer margin to print JUDGE in a very command- ing manner, tho I was well aware at the time of the name of the magazine I was pur- suing—yes, I even read JUDGE in my sober moments—but it did take a bit of research to follow the numerical sequence of the pages. Or, is that a feature along with crossword pale to add a bit of intrigue as well as umor to your periodical? Perhaps I haven't quite entered into the spirit of the thing. Very truly yours, Det Pratt, Old Hickory, Tenn. Dear Mr. Herold: I agree with you perfectly on all your ideas on radio, expressed in JUDGE, especially about Major Bowes. However, I wonder if you would mind if I corrected you on one of your statements: ‘The Major 1s, I believe, voted the most popular item on the air today.” He is voted second most popular item on the air, Jack Benny standing first. Sincerely yours, KATHERINE L. MAGEE, Scarsdale, N.Y. Dear Editor: . As business agent for the Tall Story Tellers Union, Local No. 49, I am forced to register with you our vigorous protest for your use of scab liars in O. C. Hulett’s Liars’ Club. Obviously the perpetrators of those petty pre- varications violated the sanctity of our agree- ment with the Amalgamated Duffers of America, Provision 97, section A, of our contract reads, “In order to forestall any fu- ture jurisdictional disputes the work of the fabrication industry will be divided as fol- lows: Tall Story Tellers Union will handle political speeches, movie publicity, used car descriptions and official gasoline mileage tests; disarmament treaties will be done by O. C. Hulett; Amalgamated Duffers get all other bad An honest interpretation of provision 97, section A, should make the infraction of that by-law as clear as the ownership of a Van Sweringen Utility. Now in case you ever need more help for your Liars’ Club we want you to use our union labor, and to prove that we have the right sort of men I'm going to quote an experience of our president, Mr. Primo Crane, who works down at the hot strip mill as a craneman. One afternoon I took one of those Massi- Jon, Ohio, busses to work, same as usual, on account of I was on night shift at the mill. After ringing in I noticed that half the roof had vanished which is unusual, even for a steel mill. Primo was the first one I met coming off the day shift so I asked him, “What the devil came off here last night?” “The roof.” was his solemn answer, but of course that was not much help, so I ques- tioned him further, “How did it all happen?” “Well,” he said, “a slab of 18-8 cobbeled, and the accident occurred when I tried to pull it out with my crane.” Now this is no ex- planation at all as far as I am concerned, LETTERS because that sort of thing happens every. day. 18-8 is a grade of alloy steel which is tougher than the Al- catraz social set, so I asked for further de- tails. “The roller tried to smooth out this cob- bel by = runni: it backwards through the mill, but instead of getting smoothed out, the slab wrapped it- self around the 8-ton main roll. ‘That's when they told me to hook my crane on the cobbel and pull it out. Well, sir, I bridged my crane half the length of the building trying to pull out that slab of steel but it was too tough; it would only stretch. Then it happened. That stretched strip of steel with the roll on the end behaved exactly like a huge sling shot, and catapulted that roll right out through the roof.” “An hour after the accident occurred we got the first report on what happened to the lying roll. It tore through the 16th floor of the Republic Building in Cleveland and landed in Lake Erie, 55 miles from here. Republic's President, poor Mr. Tom Girdler, was so excited by the sight of an 8-ton roll ripping shroaeh his private office that he telephoned John L. Lewis, and pleaded with the old boy to come around and unionize his men, At first I didn’t want to believe Primo, but when I checked up later in the week with friends in Cleveland they told me that the ity was completely enveloped in a dense fog for three days, which was undoubtedly caused by the quenching of the white hot strip of 18-8 that still clung to the roll when it plunked into Lake Erie. I'm sorry I can’t oblige you ‘with any examples of my own tall stories, because I've been out of the lying end of the business since 1932, when the income tax collectors made life so miserable for me. Anyhow, if you ever need any more lying done, why let me know, and I'll let you have one of our union liars. Very truly yours, CHARLIE SCHWARTZ, Cleveland Heights, Ohio. tor: During the campaign of 1884 I enjoyed the jokes in JupGe and the anti-Cleveland & Hendricks cover cartoons. I have been a constant reader, down thru the succeeding ages, and in later years have looked each month for my JuDGE that I might wrestle with the two crosswords, I am disappointed at the new format. Please restore the old Jupce I liked so well. Yours truly, M. L. Wurrney, Dallas, Texas. Judge Established 1881 Monte BouRjaity, Editor Jack SHuTTLewortH, Managing Editor ers; March, 1937. Volume 112. Whole ‘0. 2400. Published monthly by Judge Magazine, Inc. Publication office, 404 North Wesley Ave., Mount Morris, Ill. Editorial and executive offices, 16 East 48th 'St., New York, N.Y. Entered as ‘econd-Class Matter, July 26, 1933, at the Post Office at Mount Morris, Ill, under act of March 3, 1879. Copyright, 1937, by Judge Magazine, ine, Subscription rate, United States and Canada, $0 a year; foreign, $2.50; 1S¢ a ye fonte Bourjaily, President’ and Treasurer?” Elizabeth Young Bourjaily, Vice President; Madeleine Brennan, Secretary: G. C. Irwin, i Manager. Parti that every article and picture appearing in Juocr is protected under the provisions of Section 3 of the Copyright Law of the U.S Letter from The Editors ‘We greet more than 200,000. read- ers, the largest in Jupce's history. Many of you have been JupcE readers for years and we are grateful for your loyalty. Others have come through recent mergers and we shall try to make you welcome. We are happy at the opportunity to serve such a great audience. From time immemorial, humor has played a most important part in life. Classic examples are now obscured by the fluff and flubdub called comedy on the air, the screen and in the comics. But JuDGE seeks its roots in the humane humor that carried Lin. coln through the greatest test this na- tion has borne; that mocked and re. formed life on two continents when exposed by the wit of a Mark Twain; that charmed the country into pros- perity with the Yankee wit of a Cool- tdge. That is_real humor. It is the makings of the Human Comedy. It is the stuff JupGe seeks in its col- umns and drawings. To writers and artists, the assign. ment is extended to look on life and find its shams and hypocrisies, its heights and its grandeurs, and to laud the one with feeling and good humor, and prick the other with wit and sa- tire. New talent and old is equally welcome. This issue presents some innova- tions. Because we believe editorials written a month ahead lose their point, we are putting away the monthly editorial page “Judge On the Bench” for the present. We like in. stead the opening feature, “Cross Currents,” in which we try to report the current scene in brief, pointed, assages which make up the everyday life of the most of us in this broad land. Judge Junior steps out with a new game in “High Hat.” He has found a great lore in the art of “civilized drinking,” and is offering prizes for little stories he likes that reveal drink. ing habits and preferences. For the ladies, we bring “High Heels,” to tour the shops each month and report on all that is new and smart and attractive, with a bow to the art of making themselves beauti- ful. With 135,000 subscribers and some 85,000 more who buy JuDGE on the newsstands each month, our fam. ily is growing rapidly. It is a joyous opportunity to serve you. We want to hear from more of you each month, to make sure we are getting out the kind of magazine you like. —Tue Eprrors. comicbooks.com