Judge — February 1937 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

went away after filching the following evidence off an editor's desk: “These wrongs and these woes felt As nothing side those dealt By Franklin D. Roosevelt To me, vbnm, If.” You send a reporter out after a story and he is apt to turn in a good, sound conventional piece covering his subject, no matter what he turns up enroute. This tries a lot of reporters sorely, this busi- ness of exercising commendable re- straint. But unless the reporter is in a novel or a movie, he just brings home the salient facts. In this case, though, the reporter had been sent after an article on the marry- ing justices of the peace of Harrison, New York. They were at home, of course, cleared for action and things went off on schedule. Our reporter hit on a sore spot, though. “I suppose these hasty couples— they're all from quite a distance, aren't they?” “Yes,” sighed one eagle-eyed splicer of the diamond hitch, “all out-of- town trade. The people in this town never get married.” And as we come to St. Valentine’s Day, we are glad to report, for those who might be interested, that love is defi. nitely on the upturn. Our most recent marital box-score from Hollywood gives us Weddings: 50, Divorces: 35; a sub- stantial edge for Cupid. Heaven knows we are not in favor of college students. They are loud, excitable, and erratic. However, we think old fossils are worse, and the fossils have been picking on the college students. E. C. Kyte, librarian of Queen's College, Ontario, says a college diploma is a lie. He says the average student “goes out of the uni- versity with a degree and nothing else. He is illiterate . . .” Dr. Dexter S. Kimball, of Cornell, who ought to room with librarian Kyte, says: “The American dormitory for men is in general an abomination before the Lord.” He adds: “The sight of a young woman sitting at a bar and lapping up cocktails deeply offends my sensibilities . .. A barroom,” he raves, “is always low, always common, never conducive to good manners.” Not to be outdong, Georgia South. western College has “conducted tests which show that the average college freshman cannot read properly. The University of Florida is the only one doing anything to help the students in this situation. It has set up a course designed “‘to teach the student to view life from the standpoint of the spectators at a comedy; to perceive the comic ele- ments in situations and in people without being upset by them . . .” Meanwhile, some really intelligent professors have found a solution to the whole thing. They are going, seven of them, to live a year among the anthro- poid apes of Borneo and Sumatra. Ordinarily you can’t puzzle us for long about what the exact words are on the bottom of book matches or on the under side of an eight-day clock, but the other day a fellow floored us. “Which way,” he said, “does a doorknob turn? To left or right?” When we got home we found out, and we just tried our office door again to make sure. No, we won't tell you. Crawl out of your armchair and see. Our Chicago operative is pleased and not a little proud to report the existence of an honest man in that city. According to the information we have on hand, a “All right, I won the Irish Sweepstakes, so what?” comicbooks.com