Judge — March 1934 — page 20: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Grand Old Party IDE. from the bankers in jail, the A bankers in the public parks, a Mr H. L. Mencken of Baltimore. a Mr. Hoover of Palo Alto and a certain spluttering Mr. Ogden Mills. the Repub- n Party seems to have slipped thru a crack and disappeared. And, if you were to wake me up in the middle of the night and ask me, good riddance. There seems to be a feeble effort on the part of the worshippers of the elephant, mostly those with a few pal- ZA SKN try millions left, to work up a little spirit in the breasts of the park sitters and get them to rally round the old embler The little speeches of the well-fed Lord Mills are like so much wind whistling over a grave. And the worst possible thing the Republicans can do for them- selves just now is to try to blow a little life into the old elephant. It would be better to scrap the beast. Its tusks have dropped out; gout impairs its foot and brain. It ought to be retired in st a comfortable stall at the Union Ls Club to finish out its days munching old stocks and bonds. Not mind you, that I am the son of a Tammany ward heeler out of Thomas Jefferson. I am not. And what's more, don’t send this page back with a dirty word scrawled over it. My point merely is this. The Tories of another age folded their tents when their number was up and went off into the mist. So must the Tories of this age. If criticism and party opposition must come, it should be from something livelier and more humorous than the old Mills stream. I would suggest that some young spark gather up what's good in the Re- publican code, take it around to Union Square and marry it there to the Com- munistic creed. The offspring ought to JUDGE on be pretty healthy and capable of deliver- ing a few lusty and intelligent kicks at Mr. Mussolini-Roosevelt. Animal Spirits ND hh may e's a true story which may or ot have a moral ast Sunday [ gathered to me my little kiddie relative and made our way to the Zoo at Central Park. We passed from cage to cage and in time ¢ the one marked “Timber Wolf We looked in, and lo! the cage was empty! A keeper was standing by and we put him: “What has become The keeper was grufily He didn’t say So we moved on, wondering about that wolf. By and by we came to a cage with no markings, entirely enclosed by burlap. Being a great enemy of secrecy, I got out a pencil and when no one was looking [ wiggled a little hole into the burlap and put my eye to the opening. There was the wolf. But what a wolf! He lay in a corner like one beaten, a mere bag of skin and bones. I went back to the keeper and sternly faced him. I said: “I have discovered the wolf. I have seen him. Why are you hiding him?" The keeper broke down. He replied: “Well, it's this way. For many months people thronged round the wolf cage. They brought their children. They stood in front of that cage. They screamed, they jabbered, they made faces, they jumped up and down. And they sang, ‘Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf!’ Well, nothing alive can stand that criticism for long. And after while, the wolf did what any human would do under the circumstances. It had a nervous breakdown. We took pity on the animal and moved it to peace and quiet. We hope the poor beast re- ret | me to the question of the wolf non-committal BENCH So don’t tell anybody you saw nk you.” T and my kiddie relative moved home- wards, thoughtfully. Strictly Kosher Advice HE problem passed the stage where it rouses fury in the simple breast. Frankly it has become almost as much of a bore to listen to German atrocities as it was to think of the war. German has ng he starving Armenians er You remember how those pa- thetic little Armenians starved all over the pla son e week after week until a per- vod and f ck of the sight of sheesh kabob. Not that T eat my young and loathe the unfortunate. but [ do think all atrocities ought to be cleaned up before they assume ogris tually, dull proportions © before the imbecilities of Hitler hecome a crusted bore and an accepted evil—like slums and cheap shoes—why not axe their head off ? and even- Here is an ex- cellent way in which to do this, and also clean up another big problem at. the same time. Who are the richest, gen- erally most intellectual and most worldly a of people? The Jews. Who should have it in for Hitler and his kind more than any other people? The Jews. Who are the most homeless people in the world? Ditto. Well, why don't the Jews all get to- gether; pool their resources; organize a huge army; drill faithfully; and, at a given moment, attack Naziland? IT am sure they could clean the whole matter up quickly, if my heroes would apply their usual acumen and inventiveness to the task. It would clean stables and give the Jews what they need most—a home- land and an anchor. I'd be glad to drop in, look the war over and lend a little hand. comicbooks.com