Judge — September 1932 — page 23: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

taking his feet down from rails and putting them up again. In appear- ance he somewhat of a buck- toothed stripling, with four meagre on the top of his dome. He these hairs to express emotion. His favorite expression is whoopee and he prefers the company of chorus girls to that of elderly women. This is a pretty unflattering picture and I cannot understand how people con- ceived it:—unless it is because of Mae’s drawings. I believe Mac puts on my nose to spite my face. I want to give you the lowdown on the M behind the Pseu- donym. For the ke of Future enerations. I was born in New York but not at Rector’s, That makes me the only authority on New York not born in the Miadle West. I went to Public School there and al- st won the Ger: n Prize but was nosed out by Owen Charms, a smart negro, [ ran away some- where in my prep school da. and went to se Dur- ing my assorted voyages I won $94 at dice from the ships’ stewards and put it in a bank for future college fees. For a long time I thought I might be a professional gambler so I might make enough to pay y thru college. What an arm I had in those day: I wore a kilt throughout the great war and learned to sing “The Maple Leaf Forever.” After the war I found myself in Columbia although I definitely had intended going to Oxford, or H rd at least. At Columbia I discovered that John Erskine had a red nose which he car- ried around in the clouds. I mar- yelled at Morrie Ryskind (who later wrote “Of Thee I Sing’) for calling Prexy Nick Butler a Czar and being expelled. I wrote a daily column in “The Spectator” and almost was non campus wantus myself when one day the dean disagreed with me that a piece called “What Columbia Thinks Princeton Thinks of Columbia” was funny. I always meant to go out for foot- ball at Columbia but instead I went to the Plaza and the Montmartre. I think I would have made the tango team if they had had one. I think they would have done better at the \ AND | AGREE ei PARE LoREATZ APONUT CONSTANCE BENNETT, WHICH MAKES wo DUELS FoR JUNIOR! ID LIKE FIRST CHANCE JusT To SAVE PACE Rovere! tango than they did at football. I did swim for the freshman team, mak- ing three points in the entire season. It was for the Alma Mater. We had a gold statue of Alma Mater on the y steps. She was known Sadie Goldstein and would be de orated with an empty gordon bottle every once in a while, making her seem quite cockeyed indeed. Some of my classmates were Lou Gehrig, James Warner Bellah, Corey Ford, Donald Freeman and Walter Gehrig played football s poor at it. His home runs broke lib: Field. probably Gehrig is the most useful person] Columbia ever turned out. Some of my classmates have become pro- hibition agents, realtors, and one has been clectro- cuted. I tried hard to make Kappa Beta Phi and Phi Beta Kappa, but I did all my drinking privately and all my studying publicly and didn’t make either. Carlton J. Hf. Hayes is the only man who made | both. My favorite professor Raymond Buck We. Ile ran the best intellect three ring circus I've ever known and was a better actor than Bar more. Brander Matthews was still alive then and John Dewey was al- ways being mistaken for the college Professor Odell was the ssor who flunked me. One relatives had a Hudson River ion boat named after him and it must have gone to Odell’s head. 1 thought it bad and might give Columt PICTURE PUZSLES TO RENT jig-saw picture great fun, the popularity of which, as an adult pastime, has been growing rapidly in the last few months. ‘The puzzles, how- ever, are not inexpensive, so the Leisure Hour Picture Puzzle Club has been formed to rent puzzles to members at a small frac- tion of their retail price. You remit, with membership coupon below, $1.00 which covers the rental for 14° days of a 350-piece Picture Puzzle, sent you prepaid. If you return it so that it reaches us in less than 14* days from the date we shipped it, you will receive a rebate slip at-the rate of S cents per day which you can use as partial payment of future rentals. If, on the other hand, retain the puzzle more than 14° days, a fine of $ cents per day will be charged (Members acest of the Mississippi. River have ¥ days extra, or 18 in all.) When you return the puzzle by insured parcel post, you simply use the. shipping carton in which it arrived and enclose another dollar as a 14-day* rental on another puzzle, which will be sent you promptly. This can be repeated as many times as you desire, and by our keeping accurate records, you will never be sent the same puzzle twice. Our stock of puzzles is among the largest in the country, so you are assured of a never- ending supply of fresh subjects Assembling puzzles is you cost still lower rin Hour Puzzle te f . - with fai Excellent: Workmanship. nde exclu flunking a student like that. I graduated finally after about six years of trying not to. I had the largest fund of misinformation ever turned out in a college student. To show what college did for me I promptly became a movie critic. I almost lost what little mind I have seeing over 200 pictures in one y I then went out to Hollywood for a couple of years but I didn’t like it. I never got used to eating inside of Brown Derbies—which are restaur- ants out there. I returned from Hollywood to de- vote my life to re h work in night clubs and speakeasies as Judge Jr. (Page 25, please) 21 | Leisure Hour Picture Mail with st. 00 ck, Money Order or Stamps). Puzzle Club, S. Hatamond & 358 Furman Street, Brooklyn, A Disiston of ¢ N.Y. at the rate of 5 than 14% that puz Clap, oF Chare: comicbooks.com