Judge — December 5, 1931 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

No More Chewed Nails Tre weeks ago I wrote about the Depression Party and neglected to cover an important angle of it: the entertainment end of it. It has occurred to me that it’s one thing to give a Depression Party and it's an- other to keep it from growing depre sing. Things are so sensitive the days someone is liable to make a dumb crack about hard times: it’s liable to start the guests mooning and before you know it—you've got a pack of Russians on your hands sitting around chewing on cach other's nails. My advice is that the careful host will ‘never let his party go this far. He must keep a can of psychological Flit handy and at the first sign of a gloom sticking up its head he must squirt. Here are some simple rules to be observed to assure the host of a reasonable amount of insurance against party-blues:— Throw out anyone who repeats any hard times’ joke, no matter if Eddie Cantor has used it. He'd use any- thing. Play no games that are too high- brow or too childish. Nobody wants to tax his brains nowadays or be seen slipping back any further. Card JUDGE RETURN OF BEARS " Muy iy IMIG: LNAT= games are best, with one good valauble prize (money) for the winner, if bridge is played. Discourage any incipient or profes- sional lifes-of-the-party. No one has the energy these days to keep up with such nervous drains. Don't serve any drinks that are too flossy. A good solid brew or punch of some sort, served in masculine “stein” style, with sensible drinks for the ladies, will be inducive to keeping the party going evenly and sedately, Music by radio, avoiding, when pos- sible, programs loaded with oily ad- vertising pleas. Don't have too serious moments with other men’s wives. Their hus- bands, unable to support them, may be waiting to unload them and you're liable to wind up behind the eight ball. Don’t talk about Russia. Talk about what's best to do with America. Don't discuss how sad it is that so-and-so lost all his money in the crash. He prob- ably did nothing to get it any '. {F Causus If you must discuss things LL ON THE don't chew over “Mourning FOURTH OF JULY, Becomes Electra”; psychoan- SANTA WOULD alysis; Hoover; Eastern foot- DRESSTws! ball; isn’t Ballyhoo so much WS BEARD better than Jupcr? or What Shoutd BE does Evangeline Adams think BRADED—00 of the stock market? ve woe Show no home-made mov- ies unless they are funny. If you must entertain your guests this way, rent a good film from some first-rate film library. Lots of fun can be had by getting up a good lec- ture along with a travel film. Don't be too sober or too UD vy (Beas an Soy, "EINDSA DULL Wy BLADE IN A NEW PACK! drunk; and don't get giddy but keep gay, Don't repeat or make scandal and don’t bet on fights. The Parker Inane Wes sir, I'll be dingered if Mr. Parker, of Parker Bros., didn’t find out that after putting about forty years of his life into inventing the top-ranking game of Camelot, the women just wouldn't cotton to it. Men having gone slightly phobic over it, Mr. Parker couldn't understand about the women, One day it occurred to him that women never did shine par- ticularly at chess or checkers, games played with the brain and not with the lip. In fact there has never been a woman chess champion. It also was brought to Mr. Parker's attention that women, the sweet little things, will never take to a game unless it is a gambling game. They must be given an opportunity to lose their husband's shirt before they will sit down to a round or two of something. Mr. Parker, being an opportunist, promptly got an idea. The result is Point Camelot, a game which com- bines all the fascination of Camelot and winning money. I cannot go into the ramifications of the new rules but they are simple and may be sent for. I'm not sure, but I believe, unofficially, the manufacturers have worked out an insurance scheme insuring you against your wife's losses. Either that, or they pay her losses for you, be- ing responsible for Point Camelot and having lots of money they don’t know what to do with. * * * * And to give you a rough idea of the kind of mental life Bill Hanemann leads, I am told his favorite Parlor insane is to take an old phonograph record which has grown bald with smoothness from wear, and crack it over the nut of some unsuspecting guest. Bill says it's fun, but don’t try to break more than three at a time. The human skull has a weak- ness it seems. 14 comicbooks.com