Judge — November 28, 1931 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Too Proud to Work T is my theory that the unemployed are too proud to beg and that the professional bums are taking advan- tage of conditions to panhandle as they never have done before. ‘hey will reel up to you constantly in tain streets and breathe liquorish re- quests for handouts until you are fair disgusted. However, there comes an occasional laugh in the vile business, For in- stance, the other morning a fri mine was approached over on Avenue by a seedy, bulbous-nosed gent who wanted a nickel bad. He (DREW TRS ALY BECASE IT Gamencnat WUNIOR INA LIBERAL Moody had to get to Jersey quick for a job. My friend passed out the money and went his way. That night he hap- pened to be passing the same street corner and who should sidle up to him but the same bum, a little the worse for drink. The bum said, “Boss, can you spare a nickel?” My friend said, “But aren’t you the chap I gave a nickel to this morning to get to Jersey?” The bum said, “So you did, boss. And I been wanderin’ around all day trying to get another nickel to git back home to Noo Yawk!” Garbo vs. Gable I™ deeply grateful to Mr. Appleton for sending me ol’ Massa Fair- bairn’s book on “Scientific Self-De- fence.” By dint of concentrated study of the thing, you can eventually mas- ter enough jiu-jitsu to be able to han- dle yourself quite creditably when set upon by thugs, breaking any ENDERS AT dg IRS ARE \NEARING COCNSKIN KTS To MAKE CUSTOMERS PEICHOLOBICALY CHILLY ~ J/ hold they may get on you, however dirty. I'm afraid, however, the book is just a wee mite impractical. I im- agine it quite possible that, after hav- ing become an expert in the art of using the thumb, knee and elbows for purpose of defendu, about the only things to use it on would be the wife, kiddies or cat. It is well known that crooks have given up highway thuggery, since all they could get from victims were post-dated rubber checks. In 0, w., you could wait all your life to be robbed and not be. So with all profound obeisances to Mr. Fairbairn, I am taking the lib- erty of adapting the book to more practical use, towit, towitawoo: I am presenting a number of ys of breaking average grips and holds got- ten on the average man by the aver- age wom: No. 1: To break the Débutante Collegiate Dance Headlock: (a) Shift the hands north, placing left hand under chin and right behind back of the head, grasping the head like a cocoanut; (b) take half turn to left, bend your back and with a pow- erful heave fling her over your shoul- der in a variation of the old-fashioned flying mare. No. 2: How to Escape from that “Let's Eat at the Ritz” Armlock: (a) Distract girl's attention by sudden shout; (b) increase your own pressure on armlock; (c) grab her right wrist and bend it around the corner into the nearest Childs. 4 WIG I | No. 3: How to Break the Wall- flower Clutch After Seven Continuous Dances: (a) Carefully screen her clock-stopper from stag line; (b) un- intentionally keep her skirt raised slightly, showing ankle until someone cuts in, No. 4: How to Break a Gold Dig- ger's Grip on Your Pocketbook: (a) Slip bills out of pocketbook and hand them to her. This will cause her to relinquish her hold on the pocketbook, leaving you the pocketbook. No. 5: How to Break a Ten-Year Marriage Strangle Hold: (a) Reno. Capitalists, Unite ! National Association of Com- istic Youth” has left a ukase in my letter-box to the effect that a great many things are about to come off some evening soon “at about ten o'clock,” and I have a hurried, con- fused feeling that I better decide promptly which side my bread is but- tered on or it isn’t going to be but- tered at all for very long. On this above-mentioned evening in New York, Chicago, San Francisco and Boston all dynamos will cease work- ing, darkness and silence will fall, transportation will cease, Central won't answer no matter even if you comicbooks.com