Judge — August 29, 1931 — page 23: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

us with a summons—suing us for let- ting our dogs chew ivy off the side of the sun porch!” And from what others of my friends have told me, Mac’s renting expe ence is only a mild example. It seems nothin, n be done about it. An a quaintance in’ Westchester had his home nicked badly by a Summer ten- ant, and when he demanded satisf tion the Summer tenant sent him a pound of putty with directions, I suppose the only safe way is to furnish the country home with mod- crnistic iron things, because no matter bends, breaks, or crashes modernistic furniture, it: will only look more modernistic!! how much one Eye-Queues H's one for the graduating class at West Point: “You are lieutenant with a sergeant men under you, Problem is to set up a flag-pole GO feet long, 6 feet in the ground, What is the easiest way to do i Substitute numbers in the follow- ing problem until it checks out as a simple problem in long division: NURJAYELS TCA ASL © FYT Last week’s—No. 1: Vassar was playing Wellesley in that ball game, ind how on earth could three men have scored? And don’t write in that avither college plays hall—there’s no mon- in it for you. No By moving match, nail, toothpick, corset sts or whatever you used the problems one were solved this way: I= ViandVi=V. In other words, the square root of one ays been one while five to the first power has always heen five, hasn't it, fellow students? Lest We Remember oR some myste- rious reasona good memory ha ways been held above JUDGE even a good cay for beer. Th who can reach out and say “I remember you—you're Mr. Ad- dison Sims of ttl now ask me_ the population of David City, N ka, 1910 census is consid ered a person worth- while knowing. Which is all veddy well. But it seems to me what this world needs at the moment (and has always needed) is a Course in Fo) man good I hold there are more things a person wants to for- n there are things he ought to iber. Furthermore, people are s remembering the wrong things: for instance, there's that $66 I owe Clarence Russell for a deal in horse- flesh he bungled for m so wh ever I meet a new girl (strictly in the course of business, of course) some one always remembers I'm married. People are always remembering where I live—generally about one a. o., after I've gone to bed; collectors ways g my deficiencies; and then there was an old girl who re- membered what I'd said at Rye Beach in 1929 and suddenly decided it was worthwhile—even tho I no longer felt that way. In other words, this world needs a Course in Forgetting and I'm founding a school for the study of the subject. Here are a few things I hope to help people forget: b rides that re- sult only in the loss of a few hairpins tting. are al- rememberi WHIOR THINKS AToLO Pla, LEADS AIT and a wilted collar; extra- and ¢ wives; things learned at things not learned Bank of United St Broun’s old columns that joke about the depressed custom- er’s man who got a job in the 200; and Mothers’ Day. As for the following souls: bank presidents, stock brokers, bond salesmen, Vice Squadeers, Tam- many racketeers: all these will derive incalculable benefits from taking my course. And by the way, beware of imita- tions: some other fake around town has an idea for a similar course, claim- ing that if you hit yourself over the head with ‘a hammer and_ produce home-made amnesia, you get the same effect as you would studying my books. Also, tuition fees for my course are collectible in advance. After taking my course, the pupil is apt to find for- getting easy. Write immediately for further par- ticulars or maybe by tomorrow I may have forgotten all about the idea. college; the Heywood people who tell college eS 5 Restrung T the finals of the women’s Wight- out in Forest 1 new problem con- ges, those sage, gre ntlemen who haunt the sic Pretty little Miss Sarah frey in swooping down upon a recal- man Cup mateh Hills other wee fronted the ju bearded lines. citrant low one with a mean curve, heard something snap, and. straight- way dashed for the sidelines, followed anxiously by the other three players. One of the greybeards heard her whis- pered confession and whipped out a package of safety pins which fell from his hand and jingled to the ground, The stands roared their ap- proval. The g.b. recovered the pins and with the help of several other judges got Miss Palfrey’s shoulder strap fastened up again, and the game went on, (Continued on page 29) comicbooks.com