Judge — August 29, 1931 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Be a) p> is ONE peTURWS BONES HOME AVTIER SENTING IT Summer Tenants A rew days ago Mac sizzed into my sophisticated — sanctum — sparks flying from his hair and high words whistling through his mustache! I di- rected two office boys to tie him to the water cooler, and he calmed down and became slightly coherent. What's exploding under your hair?” said I, “Well,” said he, “las’ Spring the missus decided to offset the Wall Street bump by renting our house out’n Sands Point for the Summer. I didn’t like the idea and put r foot down, but I had my shoes off an’ she didn’t hear me. She went ahead and gave the job of renting th’ ‘ouse to a lady real-estate agent, who spent the month of May leading parades of funny-looking city people up, down an’ round th’ ‘ouse. Looking back to those May days, I recall that the pros- pects always wanted to see the bath- rooms first, and practically every time I'd be in one of them—shaving or taking a bath or waxing my mustache nd I'd e to move out in room, with a towel around me soap in my eyes. Personally, I think the people who ca to look at th’ ‘ouse only came because they wanted to see the home of a famous person like me. Nobody scemed to want to rent it. ere asking too mue ) ,000 a month (this included the ping-pong table, two rackets, and four balls), She figured $6,000 for June, July, and August, which would take care of what Niagara and Hudson Power did to us. Well, finally a fella graveled JUDGE AIG up the drive ay in a snooty Packard, looked the place over hurriedly and rented it for $1,500. Not $1,500 a month, but $1,500 for June, July, and August! He turned out to be a broker, and we were sold short again! Well —we moved out, rented a little house in Beacon Hill for $450 for June, July, and August. That gave us a profit of $1,050, which would buy our winter's coal and eight cans of succo- tash. We got through June, July, and August in the little Beacon Hill house at maximum inconvenience, consider- ing we are used to nice things. I mean the B. Hl. house was so small that no matter where I went in it I had to go around the piano to get there. Now we're back home i in Sands Point, and this is w! exploding under the hair about. We were pretty proud of our furnishings when we rented th’ ‘ouse—very valu- eble stuff, because it took us years to clean up the instalments. ~ Well— when we got back home and saw what was left of our lovely things we col- ysed and had a long, silent swoon, Take the baby grand pi take it, we don’t want it—it looked the people had taken strolls on it, g walking sticks with nails in the ends to keep from slipping. Four highball glasses were sitting on it, and when I went to lift them off they broke at the bottoms — stuck that tight! Our antique Gov'nor Winthrop desk had been moved out from the wall and made into a bar. Our biggest davenport was still smoking from ret butts in the cushions, Our genuine Egyptian vase had been thrown at something. A swell nude 20 LVAT™ painting of mine had a bar of soap glued against a hand. Jelly w smeared on the radio dials. ‘The liv- ing-room rug was full of divot holes. The wrought-iron sta banister was swaying. Our best cocktail shaker, a prize Gene Tunney gimme, was stuffed with old razor-bl: Gum OFF awe ves! empty tooth-paste tubes, button-hooks, and those little wooden collar buttons laundries give away. My first edition of ‘Limehouse N ’ as a fly s atter, and two ping-pong balls were missing. We're never gonna rent the house again!!"* “Hm-m-m!" I commented. “And as if that wasn't enough on m’ mind, the people we rented the little Beacon Hill house from served comicbooks.com