Judge — August 15, 1931 — page 23: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

LK complete turn and one-half a turn in the paper and then join both ends and you've got it, No. 2: Mike is 55 5/19 years old. No. That gent went out brought in the first man he saw with- out a navel, and how been ¢ could. it have nyone else but Adam? Replies about Adam being a man with an op eration mark on him where he lost the rib: : it was a scarless opera- tion, painless before but painful in the years to come! Shaming the Elephant I am informed there is a man in this world who never forgets. He is as nas you or me, lives in New ind does it all without the aid of mirrors. In fact, he does it this Wherever he goes he always car- pocketful of self-addressed post- Thus, when he gets an idea he wants to be reminded of, he immedi- ately jots it down on one of the post- cards, runs to a nearest mail-box and, lo! ‘n’ behold, when he gets to the office, there's the idea right’ on his blotter in front of him, delivered up safely by your Uncle Sam. Of course, when times were what they aren't now and his life was high pressure from morning till night, na urally this same chap had plenty to write himself. But things being kind of run down (hadn't you heard?), his memos, they tell me, go like “Don't forget to empty water from under the ice-box"; “See if you can kid the Yankee Discount along another month"; and ing one spoonful raspberry half glass ginger ale and one hooker of Gordon”! hun cards. this: AME ONE ABOUT THE SCOICHMAN WHOHAD “TEN CHLDREN AND BOUGHT A DACHSHUND SO “THEY COULD Au. PET HIM AT ONCE? Table Matters Pe gadget of th week is the Paper Cover for Bridge Tables. You merely attach one of them to your table and, dis- pensing with score pads, do all your scoring right on the table cover itself. This, as ar has suffere good bridge playing but bad scoring can readily see, keeps the figures right out in the open, where the light of the sun will shine on them and keep them pure and unalloyed. Catch on? I think they ought to go ahead and make paper table-cloths now. I know a lot of people who, given a clean table-cloth and a peneil, can give away their complexes in’ their — str: serawls. who write laundress sh, excepting one who from Some there things no self-respecting would ordinarily there are no s. r. laundresses. And think of Theodore Dreiser absent- mindedly scribbling down a 350,000- word scribble on a fine piece of Ori- ental table damask! Hats Off! tT looks like a plot. paign I inaugurated against the new f trench helmet back in the spring was beginning to take effect when suddenly everything goes hay wire and the women come out over- night with the darndest variety of head pots my brown eyes've set on in an age. I am speaking, if you didn’t know, of the new Second Empire, Empress Eugenie, ot soap- dish hats. With the one-eved Connelly effects they give on large, stout women (the larger the woman the smaller the pot), I'm sure that none other than Ed Wynn was the instigator of the new fashion. Here the cam- LAUGH Witt ITH! Af ‘ \ DACHSHINDS WERE REAREL SUNIQR SAYS HEY HAVE A SEASE oF HuNoR / OF CORSE! TRE WoRLD LAUGHS AND THEY HAVE TO PHOOEET—PHooceT! (wuisTune) CMERE DoPPLEFiceNWE@ERuROF! SVAIOR “WoUSHT UNDER BUREAUS! Why? So's he could have a new brand to work with in a new show. Unimportant Items F you have a Russian name these days, you are what tl American ‘Id in high regard in laughingly used to. call Business Circles. Russia, being the coming nation, all your opin- ions are cherished and progressive per se. Look, therefore, for a flood of name changings, not to mention name reversions, Thus Gabriels will revert to Gabrilowitsches, Mortons to Mosez skis, Thomases to Thomashevskis and Cohens to Kohnoffs. And what the devil is the Russian for Machamer? Also take plenty of soap and japa- with you should you be go- land of the tskithis sum- © might ree thar and n't be bought for love or roubles. Thousands of fishing boats con- stantly fish the waters of the Atlantic off the Jersey coast, yet they tell me all the hotels along the boardwalk get their fresh fish from Boston. abloids and scandal sheets in gen- eral play safe and avoid libel suits by always printing their hottest dirt in the form of a denial. Thus they will “When called on the phone, d » Glotz strongly denicd that he had left his wife and z nightly with a chorus cutie at the Club Abbey Pretty slick, eh? A famous crooner was recently asked to pose (Continued on page 26) comicbooks.com