Judge — June 14, 1930 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Homewreckers Sp you'd like to get away to the sea- \ shore, only you can’t sublet your apartment or get His Nibs to call off the lease. Very well then, stop look- -dollar funeral ing party. I umber One, or the Little Wonder Soakup, is a lulu and will set you back about three hundred of the smaller dollar bills in breakages, ette holes in the fur- niture, stained carpets and smoke in the cur- tains. It consists merely of letting loose a passel o' fair-weather friends with all-night energy and hollow legs amongst a boatload of lemons and a tank of what they serape off the boat itself. The combination never fails. Number Two is called The Senator and though the damage runs to tele- phone numbers, it has its points. For this you will SAN, JUDGE have to invite Carnera, the Noise Abatement Committee, Graham M vamee, a F, st ist and an anti- or Borah. In an it takes to shout Carnera can go into and push over all. the pianos in sight; the Fascisti will remove each other's MacNamee — will broadcast; the Noise Abatement Committee will tell of their plans to rubberize the subway; and nobody ever heard Borah silent. Or, if you only care to spend some wear and tear on your nerves, put Bessie Smith's “Empty Bed Blues” on that gramaphone that plays 1,500 records without wind- ing. Still better, by collecting a few of your parlor big game hunt- ers and passing out an assortment of bass drums, castanets, ice-tongs, type- writers, quill toothpicks, paper ba 1 saws, flageolets, atchets, shocs for dropping on the floor, and plenty of summer: st: you can turn the trick neatly. est we forget, have the place plentifully strewn with Rudy Vallée megaphones to be used only in glee-clubbing the Stein Song to death. Naturally, once the party gets hot and boils dangerously, what to do when the police come is entirely up to you. I'm merely trying to help get you into trouble. Wise Guy I run across the happiest young man in the world. H worked out a per scheme for insuring his drinking. He has GE “Wo FASCISM Remone EACH HERS Eq 2 AN WHE) THE POLICE Gonz, CALL'EM A * BIG BUNCH GF GARDEN IAS THEN THETLE WHAM THEIR AIGHTSTICKS ATYbU AN! You DODGE ‘EM AN'THE STICKS WHAM HE WAIL AN THASS MORE AoISE AIG: makes a point of attending only the ing nights of speaklowlies for the reason that those are the only occasions can depend on the liquor being honest. Tony can hardly take a chance on his first night. you Bridge and Goulash Avetios Bruner: players never had +% the opportunity to go wild as do the poker players who , spit-in- similar Contract s, however, have copped the poker stunt and devices. by introducing “gou- lashes” into. the zame So the - deal that the stuf fier stuffed shirt card clubs of the met- ropolitan district have forbidden it hanging about the premises. It's impossible to explain en- tirely the crazy mazes of the “goulash,” but here's the ge eral idea. ds are de. and, if the play ers do not make a bid, the cards are arranged in comicbooks.com