Judge — December 14, 1929 — page 23: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Things I'd Like to Know Where vaudeville actors buy their overcoats... why President Hoover insists on reading his movie-toned speeches . . . how to figure out what time it is in Australia in case anyone should ever ask me .. . who boot- leggers think they are fooling when they counterfeit bottles and labels .. . what oyster openers do during Jur July and August... why actors, tresses, musicians and hoofers are ng to retire and never doing it... how long the long skirts are going to stay long... why this country needs a good five-cent . . «and when to buy short. —Canrnort Carnoin The Auto Mechanic Expresses Himself “Darling, I saw you last night with Jim, and it wrenched my heart. I could socket to him good. You know dear, I love you so much it just chokes me. If fuse will only shackle your- self to me, wheel bolt te her. 1 haven't many vises, and it shims to me I could cutout the few I've got. And what a honeymoon we can have! Oil coil for you in the car and your poppet valve no suspicion of what we are doin, Wheel shaft to make the best of the k I've got... it's not so much. But, honey, don’t axle your old manifold anything, he'd spring up and throttle me for sure. Now, sweet- heart, if I clutch you in my arms, you won't shift from me, will you? No, your eyes are shining and your whole face is so radiatored, that I know what you are going to si —Franecis Mannino The Wayward Son “Junior, I found this book hidden under your pillow. Just wait until your father comes home, young man, I certainly intend to inform him of this. What do you mean by reading such a thing, after all he has told you about getting ahead in the world? We were hopeful that our son would have a lot of ambition and make ame for himself—that he would some day successful like his father—and it is disappointing to find that you have heen reading the very thing he has warned you over and over to shun... Very well then, if you promise not to do it again, I won't tell daddy that I found this grammar hidden under your pillow. But should you disobey once more, young man, I'm afraid you'll never be the song writer your father is. —Onmonn Ronnins