Judge — July 13, 1929 — page 23: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ee ——-K. \AIG IH: We can tell the home town of everyone arriving in New York via the New York Central Rail- 1. The West Coasters get ty at Albany, start packing their Red Books and Wells of Loneliness, and bustle little Ro} ald and Jessie into their res} tive bibs tuckers with the admonition: “Don't whine, we'll be there in a few minutes, dear.” Chi Hy wait un- til Poughkeepsie before — they start to get uneasy and reach for the hat rack. . 2. AML first-time visitors and high-strung traveling salesmen, no matter where they live, are on the platform by onkers surrounded by a galaxy of hand bags... . Mae and 1 have solved this perplexing prob- Jem once and for all. Just bear —o—) AWE RED AND OREEN LiGHTS <> DE LUXE Floor LAMPS ovT oF THE Ce BRAVE. Toth in mind, you New York bound spenders and pleasure seekers, that Grand Central Station is the last stop. All trains stop there on account it’s the end of the line. If they tried to farther they'd end up tain or the lobby of the Belmont Hotel. (Once a horse was enter- tained lavishly at the Waldorf- Astoria, so don’t) scoff at the idea of a locomotive in the lobby of the Belmont, you scoffers.) Keep your seat until the train comes to a d stop (Grand Central ition) and wait there, composed like. until the gate crashers and baseball fans have got ten off. When the car is vacant calinly rise, put on your duds, stroll through the car, with an eve to all the latest magazines, and get off on the platform... . Result: Plenty of porters, lots and lots of unclaimed », which is yours for king, and slews of on the course for a ant jaunt into the sta tion, It’s cool-headedness of this type that keeps one’s hair from turning gray. (If it’s already gray nt procedure keeps it from falling out and vice versa.) ... Take your time—New York is a whole lot faster than you are and, if you do save a minute by ‘rushing, what the h— are you going to do with it? The last time Mac and I yot off a train in this fash- this nonehals i LN ion we got 8 current w anew straw dip, a brief longing to a tooth-paste sales- man in Columbus, and a suit 4 bearing the initials M. C. M.— Muncic, Ind. The suit case was full of “you knows” it to the redcap for a tip. bet the old lady from Muncie was ines, > be and we gave ripping mad, but that’s what she gets for rushing so. Incidentally, by taking your leisure, as outlined, you don't have to tip your Pullman porter. Just say: “Mr. MeC took care of you, porter; don’t you re- ber the tall man with the > He came out just me.” ... By the time you reach the taxi stand the rabble will have gone the way of all fish and there will be « Next week I'll tell meeting friends and relatives at the station and in hotel lobbies. It's) worse tl New York's traffic problem and a whole lot funnier... . The trathe towers on Fifth Ave. have dis- appeared, having been replaced by the bracket (up and over) variety. Mac purchased all the old t © towers for a song, Motive: bridge lamps de lure! (Continued on page 32) me Pp: you