Judge — April 20, 1929 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

| Professor Einstein’s Handybox At 2 o'clock on Thursday, April 8th, Einstein's quantum theory was released from the printers. Half n hour later it was knocked to pieces, crated, and on y tothe Herald-Tribune, It arrived next morning rly good condition and was hurriedly assembled “rand unsuspecting public. ‘The darn thi wouldn't work even after they wired Berlin for some spare parts, and. [ happen to know that equation Fig. 1): “Lambda superseript sigma subseript. Ma underlined, Vo overlined, sidelined, stop, wire 40 dollars, love ke was sold to Simon & Schuster for practically nothing. CHORUS # its w | 1. The first verse of “Ah! The Mystery of ght.” Pick out the melody with one finger, sign the honor statement, and hand back to Professor Einstein before 2 o'clock. Coming reluctantly out from under Einstein has the audacity to attribute * lelism” to four dime square root. distant paral sional continuum besides the Ric mann metries. This is cart and limit space in th ing to upset Newton's appl Interborough Rapid Transit Holding the Einstein ver upside down in front of : mirror we discover two very important and startling facts. First, it looks funn that wa rnd. definite signs of an early spring are apparent. In view of the “spinning electron” theory, the following has been added to the undergraduate rule book: now on only seniors will be allowed to spin electrons on the campus, and freshmen must. sit in the baleony of the Olympian on opening nights.” Fig. 2 of the pro fessor’s theory proves. conclusively y and, se From music and the same thing. ‘There he Triple Shower. fore it is love that Squation 3, which proves that it makes baby's ball is love that makes baby's ball come back to earth return to earth after it has been after it has been tossed into the air, not qravity. tossed into the air; and, what we once termed a light-year now becomes. under the Einstein enigma, the first verse a of “Doin’ the Racoon.” Also the nebule (open season in New York State. Dee. 2tst to Jan. 15th—male birds only) whirling about in space 85,000,000 light years : systems of luminous matter misbehaving te light vear is a year in which the farmers trouble with their crops, and a dark year is the thing. Next time you haven't anything to do, look into space chorus and see if you can't catch onto the idea of it's being just a little bit curved—-that is: toward the outer edge, be tween Cassiopeia’s Chair and your lower right wisdom tooth. —Jack Creerr Solving the Problem for New Drivers If you want to learn about automobiles you want to cond-hand car. [ve had mine only two days ly [ know how to change a tire, and foot a repair bill, Driving second-hand cars, too, makes people better drivers. They've got to be. M ear which does as directed, but it takes an expert to results with a car which does just the opposite. The novice who buys a car has to learn to drive; learn the shifts and trafic rules and all that. If he buys a second-hand car he doesn't have to worry about those things. He just sits at the wheel of it, puts it in neutral and lets some other experienced driver tow him around —R. C. O'Bries ake a motor “What d’ye mean—an Einstein dog?” “There's no explaining his relativity.” comicbooks.com