Judge, 1929-04-20 · page 11 of 36
Judge — April 20, 1929 — page 11: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Judge Magazine Satire Analysis This page contains two separate satirical pieces: **Left side ("Specific Gravity"):** A mock-scientific interview with "Prof. von Perelman," a fictional bacteriologist who claims to have discovered that drunkenness is caused by "spirochetes" (bottle-shaped bacteria) in gin. The satire mocks pseudo-scientific explanations for alcoholism popular in the early 20th century. The professor's absurd claims—that he preserved a "sneer" in alcohol, that ginger ale causes intoxication—ridicule both scientific pretension and temperance movement rhetoric blaming germs rather than personal choice for drinking problems. **Right side ("The Chemistry Prof. Dines"):** A domestic comedy where a chemistry professor and his wife speak entirely in chemical symbols and abbreviations (H₂O for water, Fe for iron, Au for gold, etc.). The joke plays on academic pedantry—the professor is so consumed by his discipline he cannot have normal conversation, turning dinner chat into a chemistry lesson. A glossary helps readers decode the dialogue. Both pieces satirize academic pretension and overspecialization.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Famous Gravity Jones —— of g Ooh — “Yes, but it needs water- ing.” nodded he. “You've vot to these shri trimmed watered or vour greenhouse will look lousy. I get a lot of pleas- out of my shrugs, Ar- mand.” We asked him about his intoxication experiments. According to the noted t teriologist, drunkenness — is ur caused little bottle- shaped bacilli called “Spi- rochete which get into vour gin buck and floor you. We caught Prof. von Perelman humming “The Spirochetes, the Portuguese, and the Greeks” he mined one of his culture: Phe Portuguese and the Greeks are immune drunkenness,” observed the hero of Heidel- nd, oddly enough, Spirochetes are immune from Portuguese and Greeks. 1 tried inoculating Spirochetes with Portuguese and all I got was a sneer for my pains.” He reached up on a shelf and showed us the sneer, which he had preserved in a jar of alcohol. “Phat's what I got for my pains,” he added, ‘but it didn’t do them much good. Why, I've had Bella, my housekeeper, rub this sneer on my pains for hours without results. Maybe it’s Bella; do vou know anybody that would like to rub my pains? Lawdy, Lawdy, Ah's got the misery powuhful bac We attempted to divert the Professor by asking him how he had discovered that germs are respon- » for intoxication. “May we divert you by asking how you dis- covered that germs are responsible for intoxic ?"’ we asked in an effort to divert him. I noticed that whenever people drank liquor straight they never got drunk,” he replied. “but as soon as they mixed their drinks with ginger ale—pouf! I examined the ginger ale, isolated ‘rium, inoculated guinea pigs with the xerm of a very dry ginger ale, and in two weeks I had produced a very dry guinea “And how will from her, you cure disease, JUDGE and order. Unwritten - Laws The Chemistry Prof. Dines z, “Darling, please pour me a little H,0." “Yes, dear.” Yes, Oh — “How've thi Out — 7 In “Did Harry ——der. tails tonight?” Good, “Dear, “No, d: haven't.” for befuddled.) ,0- water Fe—iron Zn—zine Professor? “There no cure his harsh answer. You just have to go on drinking and hoping. What you hoping way?” ible flyer said eagerly, “and a magic lantern!” And flushed and joy- ous, we ran to Mamma as fast as our fat little legs could carry us. Who said there was no Santa C are aus? if inc. Everything hi rs heen gc “Yes, and I paid twelve Fe men for it.” “G nd now, can I help you pile the dishes in the Zn ‘o, honey, I'll manage all right, but you ht polish the Ag. ust Pb me to it.” ‘ertainly, and that S tonight.” you talk as though you had a Au.” ling, you can bet your last Cu I “By the way, where’s that C,H,OH 1 had our mother?” jorry, but it’s A.” (The following CH,OH—wood alcohol C,H.OH x today is been all right.” » order that CH,OH for the cock glossary is for the slightly Ag—silver Au—gold a- argon Natuan Turrts, Jr. Waiter—Here is some ve Business (after some chew-, ) — Here, take canvas bi rad ulphur opper carbolie good can duck, sir. Man k bring in. the comicbooks.com