Judge — November 17, 1928 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE What Are You Giving the Loved Ones? Every year about this time the young genius that is spawning these words receives letters from all the cowboys in the diocese, begging what shall they give their Aunt Fred for Xmas. Well, I have been pouring through some catalogues during the past semester and rooting out some unusual presents for your kin, that I would willingly give mine, but as luck would have it—they all left on the Byrd expedition as engine-wipers and have not been heard of since last Tuesday. If you have a relative like an aunt or uncle that is always wanting to run in the river and get baptised, why what better gift for he or her than a pair of sturdy baptismal trousers like in Figure 1? Here is a good pair of canvas brecks with India-rubber feet and only 63 shillings the pair. A good feature of these pants is the little hot water pipes imbedded in the ankles in case they would want to get bap- tiscd in the winter. If your aunt is fond of dredging for chicken pat- ties, you can buy her a pair of these slacks and she can go out and track the wary pastries till she is black in the face. If she has no face I could easily remedy that by shipping you any one of my aunts and you could simply detach their face and burn the rest of them out in the yard. I had an aunt that did well in the chicken patty game Fig. 3 Fig. 1 till she bit a dog and the latter went insane, thus making what is called “news.” If you are raking your brain for a gift for some people that has little ones, there is nothing better than a pram, or bushwick. ‘This is a comfy box mounted on wheels that you simply wedge the infants in there and push them around instead of carrying them by the scruff of their neck with rubber gloves. Many people complain that they have to carry their offspring on their back and if your aunt is an n squaw this will be a true boon. our aunt is a kangaroo, this would also be a godsend, because she would not have to carry her young in a tot pouch in front of her, but could prod them along on wheels. I have an aunt that she moved to Australia and we all thought she was going to turn into a kangaroo, but she foxed us by becoming a lemur and is making good money, we hear. Figure 2 shows a good handy pram that has side-curtains that you can pull down when you tell your mother to take a turn in Central Park The only trouble with this job is it generally breaks in half during December and has to be fed sugar like a horse. To he who is fortunate enough to have an aunt that likes rabbits, there is an ideal gift in Figure 3. (Continued on page 32) Exproren—Boys, while waiting for the rescue party, how about a little game of strip poker? comicbooks.com