Judge — January 1939 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ONCE THERE WAS A Young Lawyer who spoke English. Armed with a brand new diploma, an overwhelming am- ° -in- bition to reach lofty judicial heights, a set of codes, and confi- dence in his Guardian Angel, he opened a law olice. As he sat wai curred to the Y’g bulk of the popt English langua Why shouldn't lawyers? he asked himself. Indeed, why not? Back in the time of William the Conqueror, he told himself, lawyers established the habit of obfuscati none-too-brilliant clientele Sable 4g for his First Client, it oc- L’r. that after all, the vast ¢ speak and write in the one another in by dealing with oman: French, which way a development of Latin, and in any event was quite impressive to the peay- amtry. It meant bigger fees. But this, said the Y'g. L’r. to himself, was the liventicth Century. Maybe it would recognize (with the type of emolument that Dale Carne- gic’s disciples cover) a talented novice who could make intelligible to the Paying Client the mysteries of a legal document. "Midst his musings came a knocking at the No, it wasn't the Raven, Nor even the man who was trying to sell him an clectrie razor. It was the Firt Client, who eventually comes to every barrister The F’st. Crt. wanted a contract dra tween himself and an individual named Jcho- shaphat- MeSchnitzleberger. The Y'g. L'r. told the F'st. Cl't, to return the next Day * © © (Lapse of one Da The Y'g. Lit. showed the Fst. Cl't. a con- tract written in the English language. Omitted and eliminated were the over-and-aboves, the wherefores, the due-and-owings, the aforesaids, the hereinafters, the provided-howevers, the and/ors, the thereins, thercofs, whereins, ther tofores, the under-and-by-virtuc-ols, and the door, other quaint idioms that make legal jargon so cryptic. “But,” gasped the astonished F'st. Cl't., “even a child could understand this.” “OL course,” said the Y'g. L’r, resplendent with the pride of creativeness. “That's what you wanted, isn’t it?” certainly not!" exploded the F'st. Cl't. angrily. “That means McSchnitzleberger_ can understand it. I don't want him to understand it. If he doesn’t know what it: means, he'll take my word it means what I say it means, rather than pay a lawyer a fee to explain it to him. “Tse said the Y'g. “If you can't draw a real contract, Vl get a Notary Public to do it for a dollar.” “No,” said the Y'g. give you what After the F'st want.” self to a neighborhood Sta “1 want.” he told theelerk, “onc of those forms that Notary Publics use for con- tracts—the older the bette “Here's onc.” the clerk, teed 10 be at years old, It hay stood the Acid ‘Test of Time and the scrutiny of countless generations of seriveners. It has a beautiful red bor- der, and costs. one nickel. “TIL take it,” said the Y; remem: x that the ‘Trans- action was technically known in his law books ain at the pric the Vg. L ment paper. “He cought his finger while his wife was tying the package.” L’r. “You come back tomorrow and I'll Y'g. L'r. donned his Hat a Sa bargain you have madcasale.” . L'r. returned to hiy office wusly copied the form on legal size parch- He then backed it with a stiff “Let's get a little closer and scare the daylights out of him.” eyelets. departed, the on joner’s Store. lost yules Oh singer who on Christmas Day Saw three ships sailing by, Oh vanished yuletides decked with bay, | breathe regretful sigh For whilom joy! Tragic his luck Whose argosies arrive by truck! Oh once were years of harp and lute, Wassail on festive board! Their mead is spent, their voices mute, Dust-hushed the twanging chord. Can hearth revive their tarnished glow Where carols come by radio? KATHARINE BROWN BURT ndesa judge. nd Tab- client: understand trick.” blue cardboard, and bound it with large brass He pasted in the lower left hand cor- a thice-inch gilt seal. deed a Work of Art. Next day the Fst CI't. expressed his approval ‘The whole was in- whole-heartedly and un- reservedly, “This,” he said, “is more like it. I don’t. know what it means, of course, but then neither docs Me- Schnitleberger. He'll take my word that it means what I say it docs, because he's too tight to consult a lawyer... How much do I owe you?" “Ten Dollars,” said the Y'g. Lr, “Well worth it the F’st. Cl hm is ficd, and will send you Jots of law business.” And he did. And the Y'g. L'r, waxed wealthy said and grew famous and eventually became a But he never again tried to make a contract Wherein there is a moral: Muddy waters con- cecal the Shallow Bottom. IRVING SHORE PEARLS FROM PRUSSIA “1 know that manna does not drop from Heaven. In fact, I believe that this is a typical Bolshevist. Jewisl +. Dr. Robert Ley. “No European nation has donc more for peace than Germany.” ... Adolf Hitler. “He who throws away the tinfoil of a cigarette packet is a dirty dog.” ... Hermann Goering. “We are fortunate that we live in this age when once in 2,000 years an Adolf Hitler was born.” . . . Heinrich Himmler. “If there is a Paradise I {cel sure that it nnot be more beautiful than National Socialist Germany.” . +. Dr. Robert Ley. THE JUDGE FOR JANUARY comicbooks.com 9